why do women have to be so mean and condecending

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This!



This as well. OOM isn't a troll, because she doesn't post offensive stuff deliberately to upset people. She's just a very straightforward person, and some of the things she says aren't for the emotional. I'm a very emotional and sensitive person. That being said I don't think bluntness is a bad quality at all. I actually think it's a very good quality to have. It's just not for everybody.

This isn't about OOM, but there's blunt and then there's condescension. One is a straight telling of perspective, the other is an attitude of superiority. Many people think they are being blunt when they're in fact being condescending.

Goodness no, I know you didn't report me. I'd hope you would tell me off before that. That way we can fix the problem. This was about something I said on this thread in response to something a mod said and the mod got upset with me for saying it and sent me a warning, which just pissed me off and it's being handled. I know you didn't do anything and I'm glad you know how to take me and know that I don't mean to be mean when I'm just straight up about things and tell it like I see it and sometimes do the tough love thing. Some people take me entirely the wrong way. That happens in real life too occsionally, but unless it's somebody I care about or a judge, I try and explain it and if they won't listen to me then I just blow it off. Most people do know how to take me though. I usually make it clear that I'm not being mean when I'm saying something harsh and if I am being mean I won't have to tell anybody because everybody would know right away.

A cold can't turn into flu but you can catch flu when you have a cold. One thing you might want to do is keep an eye on it and go to the doctor if you aren't better in a few days. Mine was sinus and it felt like a bad cold then just felt worse. It wasn't achey and high fever or anything like the flu, but it was a sore throat like I had gargled with glass and my ears hurt and my nose was very stopped up of course but when you blow your nose, look in the kleenex after. Mine was a dark green. If it's green it's usually infection. I've heard that yellow can be allergy but I don't know. Clear is best. I also had a bad cough. It wasn't just a hacking cough like from a postnasal drip, it was a productive cough and I could feel it in my chest. I smoke, which I know I shouldn't, and it was so bad I went a couple days hardly smoking at all. Couldn't finish a cigarette it hurt my chest so bad. Of course that made me in a much worse mood, but I dealt with it. I wasn't doing much of anything but laying around watching NCIS on Netflix anyway. I felt like the corn out of somebody's poop.

The meds helped, and it did hurt my stomach as you probably read in an above post but I'm over that now. I'm all on the med. I was so sick because I waited over a week to go, thinking it was just a cold or allergies or from the dog hair etc. My husband went right after he got sick and only missed two days of work. So, don't wait to go. Especially if what you blow out of your nose is green, or if you are coughing up stuff. Or if you have a fever.

That makes me feel jealous and bad about myself because I have been called a troll before or been accused of trying to start trouble deliberately and OOM gets better treatment for it. It makes me feel my social skills are so bad and hers are better and it makes me feel like an outcast and it just shows me how aspies are capable of being judgmental as everyone else and not very understanding. Just because someone shares the same diagnoses as me doesn't mean they will understand me or not misjudge my intentions.

Just the reason for my social anxiety and why I shy away from people and in real life.

I don't know where you got that idea, League Girl!

I've never seen you troll!

You always give sensible advice about things--at least since 2/14/14, when I started on WrongPlanet.

I've come close, but banning me for that remark would be like arresting Capone for tax evasion. It's funny and ironic, but not what you want to get them for.

I don't try and be mean. Sometimes I do, and have, but it's been well deserved and everybody was on board with it and I was defending someone I really like who a douchebag who was banned right afterwards had torn into. I held back on that because of being sued and cops. In person I would have said worse, because you can't prove it lol. But on here I was mean enough though. They were vicious themselves to this sweet poster too and I wasn't gonna have that at all.

But I've come close with things I've said, especially in the middle of depression and not being able to go to the doc to get my antidepressants and just drinking instead. Ya'll know I used to do that, I admitted it. I don't now. I loved my mother but after she died I didn't need to drink anymore. That isn't meant to be mean, it's jsut how it is. She literally drove me to drink lol. But when drunk I can be pretty mean, and argumentative about it too. Folks seemed to pick up on that and my real intentions and all cause most of the time they were understanding and accepted my apologies.

Other times it was PMS or my actual period or just stress and all kinds of things and I have a temper. I'm half Italian (Sicilian), and the other half is ScotsIrish and Cherokee. There's a big temper and all sorts of ethnicities there that scream YOU SHOULDN"T DRINK especially when mad, but I'm good at giving other's advice and terrible at taking it for myself, so there ya go.

But, I think It'll all be ok. I was pissed about the warning but I'm not now. I cool down about little things after a while, and some people are sensitive about stuff like that, and it's all being looked at so it'll be ok. Hell, I've got an arrest record so what's a warning on a forum to get upset about? LOL.

Thanks. If I do upset someone, unless I'm just being a tee-total b***h that day I will apologize. I don't usually mean to unless I mean to and then there is no doubt about it. I try to tell people "I don't mean this ugly" or "I don't mean to be mean" but I did stuff for years that I wish someone had told me but they didn't because people are uncomfortable saying some things to others. It's uncomfortable for me to do it sometimes, especially to a friend. It's much harder for me to critique a friend when I know they aren't aware of some behavior or way they come across. But if somebody had just either cared enough to point it out to me or disliked me enough to insult me and point it out, I would have been better off many times about many things. But I can't change the past and I know it now, so I do try and help where I can.

Also I do try and be much gentler with people when I can tell they are very sensitive about things. There are some though that will just get offended no matter what and I haven't seen one of them in a while, but everybody has met people like that and theres nothing I can do there.

Thanks for saying I'm not a troll though. I've been called it before lol. I hope I haven't offended you, or if I have that I apologized and explained that I didn't mean to. I'm always ok with people telling me that I upset them because I would rather know about it even if they yell it at me, so I can explain what I meant and why I said it than to just let them stay pissed and hate me forever.

Don't be jealous, I think people just take you the wrong way a lot of times and maybe you either don't get a chance to explain or they don't listen to it. I'm probably just bitchier and the sheer volume and number of words makes them finally listen, whether they believe it or not about me.

I've never seen you try and start trouble directly here. I know me and you got into that fight, and it was actually about something I mentioned in a previous post, how I always want people to tell me what I do that comes across wrong or annoying so I try to tell others but when I like someone and they are a friend it's very hard to do. I'll pick a fight or just yell at them and stop talking to them before I critique a friend because it's uncomfortable and it makes me feel like I'm nitpicking or trying to be a know it all about social skills when I'm not. I can do it with a stranger or an acquaintance, but not with a friend. That's why I picked that fight with you. Something was annoying me that I knew I should tell you, because you would want to know just like I want to know when I do something, but I felt like I would be all surperior or a know it all or something if I told you about it. I don't know why it's like that with a friend when it's not with a stranger. You would think it would be the opposite, because the friend knows where you are coming from and believes you when you tell them why you are telling them. The stranger who is posting could easily think I'm a know it all b***h who thinks I'm all that and Kim Kardashian's yellow primer when I tell them stuff like that. Maybe it's because I value the friends opinion of me more and I'd rather them think I'm a real b***h and mad at them than I would them think I'm stuck up of think I am better than them at something. Again, that is exactly why I picked that fight with you. Instead of telling you something silly that was bothering me.

My social skills aint all that lol. Obviously.

People may relate to me better because I talk a lot and I'm folksy and chatty and word things like I do. I'm much better in a text medium than I am on the phone or on FB in an inbox, you know that. When I write a post I can come across like I want to and get the tone right and all that. I can entertain in a post, but not that much on the phone or in a FB chat. I mean I can, but it's just more work and when I'm having a conversation or something I don't really keep it up. It's just talking. I do that because I used to write and I enjoy it, and I have that skill. It's not the social skill, it's the writing skill. I do that speaking sometimes too, and it's helped a lot. I go for the laugh or the pun or a reference or phrase that people would feel familiar or interesting, or whatever I can get out of it at the time. It's a story telling skill is all, and that's a Southern thing and also from growing up reading constantly because I was too sick to do much of anythign else except crochet. Down here the telling of the story or tale or event is just as important as the actual thing you say. Most would rather hear about something mundane from someone who made it sound interesting and funny than they would something exciting from someone who just recited it to them. Southerners are big on telling what happened. That's why it takes so long in court in backwoods places, because we all have to explain what happened and explain it our way. And also try to make the judge like our story the best (when he's going on law and facts and we know it but we still try).

Don't feel bad. You are great. I like you and you're nice and I was mean as s**t to you on FB so I could avoid feeling uncomfortable about something. I kinda suck sometimes and I know it.

I could suggest that you learn to draw people into what you are saying to them and make them feel like they are a part of it, but I wouldn't know how to tell you to do it. I don't know how to teach that. If you are interested in pursuing this line of tweaking your social skills, maybe you could read about creative writing or story telling or something. I don't know which would help you most, or what your style would be. So I don't know how to steer you. Maybe write something like you would a post you would want to post here, like a post to start a thread and then write it different ways to see how it could come across differently. Borrow things from writers whose books and articles you enjoy reading, not just that you find informative. Enjoyment is just as important or more important maybe, than being informed a lot of times. Thats how I do it and why they seem to let me get by with more or seem to like me more (I got my share and more of haters here though, so don't feel like a lone wolf there). I sometimes entertain, and you could try that too if you wanted to. Thats the thing about social skills, you can always try different s**t until you find something you like or that seems to work good, etc.


But I do apologize that I was such a b***h and now you know why. It wasn't anything you did, it was me not wanting to tell you something I thought you would want to know that bothered me and I thought might cause you a problem other times too. I'm sorry, that's all I can say about it and I hope you forgive me. You don't have to, I probably wouldn't, but I hope you do or at least know now that it wasn't you at all.

Yes, I would love a hug from you Sly. I know you're a good person. I'm a good person. We just come from different sides of the track. I meant it when I said I missed seeing your posts and I would definitely miss you if you left here. I don't like you getting down on yourself so much - look for your good points because you have a lot if them. I'm sure we'd be great friends IRL even though I am old enough to be......your sister. :-p I wish you lived in a more supportive environment and had some good friends you could trust. Don't do the alcohol thing - I've been down that road and it never turns out good. If you pray, please pray for me to get well or if you don't, send me some good thoughts. It would mean a lot to me. I hope you find what you're wanting - I hope we both do. I was just talking to my Aspie friend the other night (because all I have time for now is for thinking) and I asked him what one thing he would want that would make him happy? He said to become a SLP and help other autistics (which is what he is doing) and I'm very proud if him for that. After I thought for a while, I said that I want to find true love before I die. I have the job, vacations turn to memories, everything else is "just stuff", but true love and true friends last forever. Now, I'm going to try to find this true love and to rekindle my friendships and make some new ones because to me that is what's important. Don't forget to tell the people around you how important they are to you - you may not get another chance. Time for me to get back to Mr. Pneumonia and spend some quality time getting him to go away!

I can't pretend to understand everything going on here, but I do feel strongly that OOM believes in herself more rather than necessarily having more skills she thinks she does and that a lot of what allows people to be happy and live their lives is feeling entitled to do so. OOM rubs people the wrong way often, and whether to take her as difficult, annoying, or an interesting person I think depends on how one sees oneself in relation to others and how one wants to live one's life.

It's not apparent from reading that you have more or fewer social skills than anyone else on here, though I don't want to be judging.

I agree with you, we run the gamut in terms of being judgmental, from very accepting to very judgmental. I have seen you be incredibly accepting in reaching out with understanding to a member who was rubbing people the wrong way and remember how much I admired the way you did that. We all have strengths.

As long as you don't deliberately post stuff to upset people, then you can rest assured you are definitely not a troll. Just because someone else accuses you of trolling or thinks you are trolling doesn't make it so. What matters is the factual truth, not necessarily what somebody else believes.

You shouldn't feel bad about yourself just because somebody else has something you don't have. Everyone is different. OOM just happens to be better at handling social situations than some of us. I would say the vast majority of people on here are very nice anyway, so you shouldn't be afraid of talking to people on here

That is the reason why I only go for tomboys and other men. I would rather be married to an a**hole than to a b***h because the former will just make you angry, the latter will drive you insane.

No, you haven't offended me at all. I don't agree with absolutely everything you say, but that's all a matter of opinion, and I have nothing personal against you at all. I honestly believe you are a very nice person.

It's a long story and it's just comments and accusations from over the years so it all adds up.

I live by the rule that if someone has a negative view about you, ignore it, that is just their opinion. If another person thinks the same of you, then it's time to start looking at yourself.

If two people have pointed it out to you, who knows how many others think that of you too.

Maybe in the past you were all those things.....but you seemed to have reformed yourself. People change.

bit anxious i'll try to do replies at some point/