Extermely depressed, +8 month isolation taking toll

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But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

Cool,

Not to go off topic and I won't go there if you want since your thread is locked, just let me know, but why are you even afraid of your current situation or say any hypothetical situation? Did you see the awesomeness in it? Even an open minded non believer can see the power in such things I would think. It doesn't have to be true but what if it is true? What is lost if its true or not when you do not believe, but is the prospect of someone or something that can fix anything in seconds not amazing? Does it not help to believe its possible for anything to happen?

I am extremely depressed and have no will yet I say this in little faith as a reason to live, what more can happen with more faith?

^ this is how I function:

Something terrible will happen.
At first, I will have no reaction.
It's like it hasn't happened.
My mind goes into a "safe space".
Everything will be as normal.
It takes me a while to process it.
When I start processing, I start to go down.
I hit rock bottom.
I feel it intensely.
Only when I feel it intensely can I feel the way out.
Then I give up.
Then I can face what I need to face.

Do you think Jesus didn't also feel it intensely?
He was sweating blood he was so afflicted.

Feeling it intensely is a strength.
It prepares you for what's to come.

Hey, if it helps any, this is what I do:

1. Get a stuffed animal/pokemon/anything soft and cuddly

2. Cuddle it like there's no tommorow! The thing about this is that even though he/she may be an inanimate object, they'll love you unconditionally if you have the immagination. Then, eat some candy/drink some soda while playing video games.

3. Repeat until your not sad anymore. That's what I do, at least. did it help any?

Well it would have if I was 14 but some days I feel no reason to think anymore then on the level of a 14 year old.

I thinking hugging a stuffed animal is pretty good idea actually, if you going to live with the stigma of being autistic, you might as well enjoy it. After all I get accused of using autism as an excuse, so I think will, give me my damn stuffed animal.

I would get you a stuffed animal but I cant over the internet Still, hugs over the internet for you!

This is keeping me company, found in a box in my apartment that I don't even think was mine but whatever its mine now.

Daww, he's so cute.

TY Beanie Babies are awesome, I was a collector as a kid, keep all my tags. I don't know where the dog came from but this is mine from my childhood. Tag is on the side the camera doesn't show.



Which should be my friend, I don't think I have anymore which is weird, seems my whole childhood is in two boxes. One is entirely legos which sounds right but I know I had more stuff then this.

you are in good company, dcj.

"There are some who found me difficult and hostile, but they did me wrong, little they know about the reason, why I seem that way.
It was not my choice to shrink from society but I had to live alone, like someone who would been Banished."
Ludwig van Beethoven

Me and my new friends are going to go play some steam and maybe when I get back we need a dcj thread somewhere that I can just ping the hell out of and everyone ignores

oh and eat this,



420 approves,

I believe that reading the Bible is an accomplishment. It's dauntingly long and dense to many people, and God would appreciate it. Most people don't read the Bible the way you have.

As for acts of kindness, they may not undo whatever hurt you've already caused. They are still worth something to those you help today. The little things do matter, and sometimes you never know if they've made a big difference to someone.

Example: I'm posting on this forum now. It might do no good most of the time, but I believe that those times my thoughts have an impact will make the rest worth the effort. A lot of life is like that too.

Yes, effort without results can be meaningless, except in how you see yourself and how sometimes, that effort will yield results. You said you feel like a horrible person. One thing that the most awesome people do is try and try and try some more. Even when they don't succeed, we can still admire their effort and see that they are good people trying to do the right things.

If you don't try, then you have no chance to succeed. If you try lots of things, you eventually succeed at something. It's the law of large numbers, if nothing else.

I believe dcj has many advantages over me.

That moment when you realize you have to get your meds but your not in an idea state of mind for it

I have been out of my anti psychotic since friday, I probably should go get it but I don't think I ever commented on someone asking if the meds help me. So to answer, they don't, sometimes I more depressed on the anti-depressant (Wellbutrin). I take Latuda and its good at making me high as a kite which I guess it helpful on that escape reality front. Still I only take it at night cause its makes me a zombie. I need to get my meds really even if they don't work or I don't like them cause its just the responsible thing to do and I don't want these people up in my s**t and they will be because they have me down as being so crazy. I don't want to be there elevated and I don't want to ride the bus at all actually but I suppose I need to. I can probably get in and out without being noticed and if I do nothing bad would happen but they would probably lecture me about leaving my place "intoxicated". I'll try and be friendly if that happens but since I am just going for meds I could just up and walk off if they try and talk to me.

Oh an if anyone is wonder why the effects of my hobby last so much longer for me then usual is I like to play with science. One dose last 24 hours and using the same concept of extended release tablets, I have even been in that state for a few days.