I don't want be alone

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Problem with posting a picture after you declare yourself to be ugly is you can never be sure if any compliments are genuine or just telling you what you want to hear.

I've seen MANY pictures of people here. I've yet to see a truly "ugly" person.

I've seen very many very pretty people.

Almost always, people are better-looking than they think they are.

And I'm a pretty discerning fellow, I believe.

I know good looks when I see it.

hurtloam, have you considered the possibility that most of those guys in your life may feel intimidated by you and may feel like "you're out of their league", and then see your lack of display of any interest (when they're quite likely interested in you) as confirmation from you that you do think you're out of their league?

Yes, but I can't write that. It sounds like I'm arrogant. It would explain the staring and the blushing, but when I make a move, send a text, why don't I get a text back?

maybe by now he's already too afraid that you're only going to reject him sooner or later. if you don't communicate that you feel like you're an equal and that you always did, then he won't want to take the risk. "she must be thinking i'm somehow fancier than i am". unless he's "a flirt", which iirc you said is the type you automatically reject

so if you want to be close to guys who won't be inclined to take that risk, you need to make them comfortable with the idea first, or you need to change whatever it is that makes them feel intimidated (which is something you can probably do if you can figure it out. because if it's really the case, then it means you're overdoing something rather than failing to do something else)

The challenge for men is to get laid; I wonder if the challenge for women is to get men to accept they're not up to snuff and consequently surrender any aspiration to get laid.

you mean like women are the Darwinian police who filter out the unfit by preventing them from reproducing?

The challenge for women is to get men to accept that admiration, affection, and having fun have nothing to do with sex.

Well, why would anyone accept that? To me, they have everything to do: the more I admire a woman, feel affection towards her or think I could have fun with her (I don't usually have fun with anyone, so I can't talk about actually having it), the more I want to have sex with her. I can't understand the interest in preëmptively excluding sex.

i actually agree with spiderpig on that one

it's healthy and wise not to expect one thing from the other, but it doesn't mean they're not related

I was under the impression you are asexual. I am confused.

To be fair, the more I get to know a man the more the sexual interest Can grow (though not always). Took 8 years for the current guy to win me over. But I think he's given up now. I took too long...or he took too long to grow up.

Sometimes I have to walk away because I can't deal with keeping things Platonic. Although they're always just acquaintances. Rarely real friends.

I think that the sexual angst can ruin a friendship. Wouldn't it be nice to have friends of the opposite sex where you know neither of you are after anything else...

Although saying that, I am looking for a romantic partner, so I don't want to only have all Platonic male friends.

Nope—I'm sexual, used to sexual frustration and without much hope of experiencing anything else, and also used to having moral qualms about even trying.



Bad luck? The only thing you can do against that is keep trying. If you do and consistently fail, then it's probably something other than bad luck, with probability approaching one as the sample keeps growing.



I'd say having friends—as in real friends—of the opposite sex where you know both of you are after something else—namely, sex—still beats that any day. Oh, and, to me real friends implies noöne is cheating on anyone, so that's not a problem. Then, why exclude in advance the possibility of sex?

Even better, why not just agree to do precisely what both of you want, no more, no less, whatever that turns out to be, and with enough mutual trust not to fear the other person will demand B if you agree to A?



Me too, but I've had plenty of time alone in bed to wonder whether it was even conceivable for there to be, somewhere within a hundred kilometres of me, a single woman reasonably close to my age, sleeping alone, who would be more comfortable with me.

that's what really sucks when you're lonely. because chances are that the answer is yes, but it doesn't change the fact that it's very unlikely that you're going to meet and get together. because there's no simple way (or sometimes any way) available to find each other and establish the necessary trust. and then you wonder and ruminate, "is it my fault?", and there's no definite answer. and that causes more suffering than the loneliness itself

there's no one-size-fits-all solution (and no permanent solution at all), but for me what has worked best so far is to make sure i'm doing all i can (and no more than what i can or what is up to me) to possibly change the situation without defeating the purpose, where "the situation" to be changed can be either the lack of company or the very craving for company, whichever seems more realistic to address. if i'm confident that "it's not my fault", then real outcomes become secondary (that confidence itself being the end goal. "fault" is inherently subjective anyway)

Because we're stuck with it, like all the other contrarian things the Creator has imposed on us.

The creator did not impose anything on us but we cannot blame him for the limits we impose on ourselves.
This is true. It's like for most people, we can't say I'm very smart without looking arrogent or I'm very pretty/handsome without looking arrogent. It's ok for people to stay that stuff about us and it's ok for us to say it about other people but we must never say it about ourselves. It's un unwritten taboo.Spiderpig, don't say you don't have much hope. Back when I was about your age I said the odds of me getting a girlfriend are "one in Graham's Number". I think I posted that somewhere on L&D a few years ago.

I was wrong. Since then I've had two girlfriends. My next challenge is to have a relationship that lasts for than a few months. Anyway if a socially awkard guy like me can do it, so can you. So can anyone.

Hurtloam, did you ever try dating sites? They worked for me.

Do you just want to get a boyfriend or are you still determined to get that one guy?