In-hospital and blody .

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My PM to ASS-P was completely out of line and since I already have one strike against me, it seems I may be banned shortly. Well, if anyone wants to know the facts, they are in the post above. There are three members of this forum who know the truth about how hard I fought for him. Yet, ASS-P has spat in my face.

The reason why he shut me out is because I made a comment about the possibility of forcing him into care. Not a place that would abuse him but a place that would give him care. The care he can not give himself. Because of his past of being abused in 'care' facilities, he obviously did not like that idea. So he thought I was 'one of the bad guys' and the enemy. When it was the complete opposite - I was only thinking of how best to keep him alive, as he had reached an even more serious point than his life is on a daily basis. I was worried. Well, that's what started this whole change. I have apologised for the forcible committal suggestion but it has done no good. He has, in his own words, chosen to ignore me and does not trust me anymore. So be it.

Well, if this is my last post for whatever reason... at least I and some valued members of this forum do know the truth of the matter. People may blow in and out of his life/threads, but I spent four months straight trying to help him. That, after all my effort, was completely wasted. However, life is about lessons so there is a lesson in there somewhere.

Your frustrations are valid but do you see how its not going to help?

I can assure you from first hand experience that he is getting a good dose of negativity daily, daily okay. So look at this through his eyes, you come on here and say he needs to be committed which he might need to be but that is not your call. The only point I was making, is that if you having nothing good to say then don't say anything.

Do you drive up to homeless people and tell them where they are in the wrong? Is that something people do? I don't doubt ASS-P has problems, he has shown plenty actually, but look at the audience in which you are speaking to. You can create distance and be positive. You don't tell someone on the street their failures, you are not getting anywhere with that, they are very aware of them. Offer what support you can and talk a step back when ASS-P doesn't follow though.

Judging him is not the solution,

DCJ123, very wise words. For his sake, I hope you can continue to offer that same mentality for him. You present a very smart and mature approach to things.

I edited my post above to add in what is arguably the most important point in all of this. The reason why things are like this now. Since this is a more recent (and my last) post, I will add that bit here. A summary and closure.

This all started after a comment I made, when ASS-P's situation got VERY bad, that "there is a number that can be called to have him forcibly taken into care." He had run into some real trouble and I was worried for his health, even more than normal. As most know, he is constantly in a very bad way, constantly struggling to get through each day. So, when he posted of a sudden ill turn, I was very worried and wanted that care to be given to him any way, any how, even if it meant he was forced into accepting that care.

Because of his history as being abused in supposed 'care' facilities, he really doesn't like the idea of being forcibly taken in. Understandable. It was something I probably didn't factor in when I made the comment. Well, obviously, he reacted very negatively and saw me as the enemy.

After that post, he shut me out. I have asked why, I have apologised. No replies from him. In his own words, he chose to ignore me and was suspicious of me from the beginning. So be it. That's how it evolved to where it is now. I should have just accepted his ignoring me and left him alone but I was still mentally willing to help, so that's why it hurt me to be forced to walk away.

This will truly be my last post now. If I have forgotten to mention any part of the situation, I apologise. If I've said inaccurate things, I apologise. For the blatant meanness in recent times, I apologise. I will not be contacting ASS-P or having any involvement with him in any way, either in threads or PM, ever again.

I would like to formally and officially apologise to you, ASS-P, if I hurt you by making the forcible committal comment. It was never meant to be a bad thing - but a good thing. However, again, I completely apologise if it hurt you and if any of my posts afterwards also hurt you.

If you would ever want me to try and help you again, I may be happy to. It's entirely your call. Please let me know though, so I know one way or the other. But if you don't respond, I will get the message.

This is not the start of a million posts again. I just was a real dick in various posts and probably was too harsh. This whole thing of getting on ASS-P's bad side may be more my doing than I thought. So, again, I apologise for any hurt caused and am here to offer help if you'd like me to.

...I can respond to Tobes, comments but it,s not going to be now .
I have limited time & equipment to post , and to figure what I would say .
I,m not really inclined - I think - to go further on the argument and report him/, but I wanted to bring that post up .
I am now switching over to what I did after I was discharged from the hospital , which I was yesterday .
I left wiith my stuff in 3 Walgreens, bags , plus an additional big hospital bag of less immediate things .
I had lost about 60 pounds while there , back at mmy normallweightnow .
Between what clothes I had , and the hospital/HOT Team charity , I was in clean clothes , but just one set of clothes , what I wass wearing , and some extra T-shirts/underwear .
I left with my HOT team worker , to the same shelter I had left , the same bed - she dropped off the big bag there , then m I went downtown to do some things .
I got back to the shelter and I was told the curfew was earlier than I thought , I ended up sleeping in the : lesser : room downstairs , but it seemmedto be indicatedd I could get back the formerbbed upstairs , the next morning I was told too stay past the shelter,s morning closing timeto be picked up , either by hOT or another agency , for something...But I thought they were wrong and I wasn,t meant to be picked up that day ,, rally , though I am for something next Monday . The waiting allowed me to use a ccot at the daytime drop-in center that day , allowing meto sleep more,which wasgood .
By 2 , I assumed that I wasright and I wouldn,t be picked up , and I left the drop-in and checked into the shelter and , trying to find somewhhere to put the big bag , put it under the (now unused) same bed I had last night in that downtown : lesser : room , though I assume/d I still have the upper bb
floor one .
Noow , I am at sommewhere with Wi-F doing this (& planning for more) .
I do feel good , and plan to be bacl
k by the curfew...But who knows what will happen ?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Take your time to respond to my comments. Just reply whenever you feel ready.

I know you value your internet time very much but please be back each night before the curfew. It sounds like there could be something big planned for you on Monday. To help that go smoothly, it would be best to abide by the shelter's rules, at least until then.

I know people can get angry at ASS-P, cuz he's not listening. It seems like he don't want to get help. ASS-P, go get help from Golden Gate Regional Center, don't you want to change your life? You could be happier & in clean clothes, shave your face, maybe cut your hair, get your own apartment, sleep in a real bed, buy groceries & get medicine for you. I'm just trying to help. I know everything can be hard, I'm trying to change my life.

...I am , at present , at the same shelter as I said before , and (they,re off for the weekend now of course) playing along with thhe HOT people .
Seriouusly - Isn.t this the : beingg a good boy/co-operating with thhe authorities : thaat some people seem to state I refuse to do ?
Isn,t tj
his , noow ,, what you want me to do ?
Specifically about GGRC , Kiit , I do not know , evn if theyy are contactable , whethher I could : sign on : with them anyway - and if they could do anything , or anything beyond what is alleged by the other authorities , HOOT , to be possible now for me . I haven,t gone into that very much .
Seriously - What , as of right now , am I ,, a ddressing this especially to the people who say the
: You,re not helping yourself by doing tthis ! !! (particular thiinng) : line...What , reaLLY , AND GIVEN MY POSITION NOW (INCLUDING PHONE/PHYSICAL//CLOTTHES LIMITATIONS - AND MY BIG , SWEATY , FLAT FEET ARE ALREADY TAKING THEIR Toll on the shoes I gt - And , I see I miscapitalized a line-plus , agaiin , my posting circumstances limitations , again , if you only knew how difficult it was for me to get Internet time - Again , I,m sorry , I,m not coorrecting the miscapitalization , again .)...do people who use the : You,re not helping yourself ! !! : line think I shoulld - as of Monday morning - do ?????????
As far as myy hair goes, BTW , it..
,s not long at all , I susppect that my hair with age has essentially sopped growing !




now people can get angry at ASS-P, cuz he's not listening. It seems like he don't want to get help. ASS-P, go get help from Golden Gate Regional Center, don't you want to change your life? You could be happier & in clean clothes, shave your face, maybe cut your hair, get your own apartment, sleep in a real bed, buy groceries & get medicine for you. I'm just trying to help. I know everything can be hard, I'm trying to change my life.[/quote]

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

What you should do on Monday is make sure you are at the shelter and ready for the people who are coming. It sounds like it might be something great... don't let your fears prevent you from improving yourself. Embrace new possibilities, do not fear them.

I hope it's for an apartment for people with chronic diseases, with a bathroom in the apartment, and no curfews.

And they only take $400 a month or $100 a week from your SSDI.

And you can invite people over to talk about old comics or politics.

...It remains to be seen .
Two points re: : not re-buying the same things/takinng what I,m given : .
I dn;t think , for example , they,ll give me (drugstre , non-perscription ) glasses .
The shoes I received are really showing the strain of my feet and the changes I made on them to fit my big feet .
They,re really not looking too good I think .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...It is Sunday . This morning , after 6 A.M. wake-up , I dressd , etc. , left at 8 AM everyone-has-to-be-out . I had meant to go to church ,, but I felt tired - and spread out my mat on some rocks in the sun , and off-and-on slept until 2 or 2:30 !
this was by an entrabce to the highway , across from the shelter .
I
When I gt p I made my way downtown , got a Sunday pape , reclined on some curb in market Street in the sun to read the Sunday comics in the sun , in-between a ((closed =) cover newsstand and the street . Someone going by gave me a little : homeless care package : , I wasn.t even trying to beg - This happens to me sometimes .
I went into a Carl,s Jr. to use their Wi-Fi so I ca
n do this and more (including some Pandora music) from their WWF . There is n WF t the shelter , I also can be a civilized person and sit at a table spread out before me with sufficient room to sit there - I can,t do that much elsewhere , really .
I,ve bought enough , and it,s late enough , that will get back to the shelter post-diner though before curfew - this wasn,t really my intention to have dinner here but I d want to get ;
,Net time inn - how else can I do it ? Cetainly essntiall all of you can , in much of the day , just walk across the room if you want to use a computer device -- I CANNOT . My clothes are showing their wear and my digestive system is starting to react in such a way that , inevitably , it will start embarassingly eliminating when enough has built up , I imagine .
If I only could stay in a normal place ,and not have to clear out for the day , and get better - and spread out such as the food I do get (whiich is decent/alright/okay) at the shelter and eat at my own pace when I want it - and have a surface before me .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Maybe this illustrates how little I have - not just in material things , but in freedom to get things done/take control of my life in the most basic ways ! !!
While I am seeing what mmght happen here, I am considering leaving for elsewhere soon - A :
normal : life here where I cannot even go to the library appears pretty non-doable - And , I don.t know that I could that get that much from the agencies as is - Just as , it seems to mme, you gtreatly overestimate what a Bay Area agency you read of i a search can - and will - dofor me !

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...I was seen as mesy enough that I was forced to take a shoer laast night , I found out that what I thought ws underwear/diapers was not underwear/shorts so I have nly halfway coverig under my pants which are the only ones I have , and , furthermore , they have shrunk enough that the do not fasten , only a belt holds them together , and , waking up , I disovered a to-be-started paperback book I,d left by my bed gone , stolen . Also , when urinating this morning I prinkle some on myself .
Now I am waiting for that
Monday morning appointment .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!