All I can do is work.

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I need so much PC by the time I finally get around to saving enough to build a home rig. It's going to be 5+ghz, 3+ terabytes, 128gb ram, dual (separate) GPUs, probably more I'm forgetting right now before I put this laptop to sleep.

People see me as an incomprehensible polymath but maybe what I need to be telling them is how much all that studying just makes me feel simpler, personally.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

ya u cant overload monoliners xD show them some edge of u they'd find interesting. keep everything else from them. im solving that problem with displaying different edges to diffrent people, so i dont get crusted in 1 role. giving them all of u will just explode their cognition xd been there, done that xD

Here I am about to sleep through the middle of a 24 hour hackathon, I guess that's worth mentioning.

I seriously have to change my workweek around my sleep habits. Soon I'll have references to at least extend my contract & hopefully they'll help with additional flexibility.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

i dont say EVERYONE. here, on WP, most people have more - a courtesy of our neurology Xd
but monoline is kinda a "norm" for humans (norm being the most frequent case, yea). some have that line as in more like nice rectangular, some have it hairthin. its an art to detect how much ur visavi can take. art i, to be frank, didnt master, but am a bit privvy to it xD

in my basic state, i am a constantly shifting, flaring cloud of thought. i can be enticed, enraged, calm, sad and overjoyed for all the different reasons and things at a same time. and while SOME (very rare) people can deal with me and my natural excommunication, most cannot. so i just show one of 5 streams and stick to it. or switch very carefully if there is need. but not everything, no.

to us, in natural state of us, we somewhat expect the same from others. and they dont deliver, because NT mostly cant and cannot. and then everybody is frustrated (we, in multiple channels, ouch) over just the normal situation. different. deeply different. and being more aware, and more in control, of our own psyche, we end up catering to an NT need for well, simplicity.

its not pleasant. constant control, constant feeling of pressure from inside ur skull. selecting some part of urself to project, leaving most of it behind. but sadly, most people wont get the whole u anyways. they just label u a weirdo and be done with it. because they cant deal with overload u are causing. well, some can, and they are RARE. sorry if i am repeating myself. my streams have points of agreement xD

when u do that for years, u end up damaged. start losing threads. the mask becomes u. so need at least several masks to constantly switch between for semibalance of urself. and, u need somewhere, somebody to let lose around. with daily and in-personal contact, u start seing how much of u they can get. and act accordingly. took me a lot of work to even devise this idea. hope it helps.

I have to give those close to me a lot of space & time to deal with that overload.

In a sense I feel closest to those farthest from me. I'm afraid being too professorial has pushed everyone away, even though I just want to teach them something I enjoy.

People don't generally keep me around, perhaps because my knowledge gets lodged somewhere inconvenient for their brains. While I forgive this, particularly for those who actually made an effort to include me in their reality, I still seriously need to come up with some solutions for all of us.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

with age u just learn to detect the moment, when ur NT visavi is overloaded. they respond slower, they look away (which is a hard hint, because well, we do look away all the time and consider it normal. for NT it is a sighn they want out of conversation). when u are hyperfocused (and u clearly are, doing or talking about ur big love IT), its harder. but possible. i make a rule that if my messages are stacked over 7 at a time, i should wait for responce and make the next one short if i can. make it shorter. while we process information on several streams at a time, they mostly go with 1. wide, narrow, doesnt matter.

they get confused with our chaotic output. sometimes some of them cant handle it at all (and its very easy to consider them well, not very smart for it. sometimes its even true). they need their informational intake carefully wrapped, consequent, pipelined and dozed. when u are jumping between streams (and i suppose u do, trying to give them the most important stuff u are thinking about), they lose the thought. it seems all not connected to them, but perfectly clear to u. and there builds miscommunication.

and then there is the moment where direct contact is hard to maintain. allistics seem to be intrusive. they instinctively feel when ur attention is divided, and they want to capture it all. i allways feel being forced upon by them, even those i really like. which is why i so pref to communicate online, where i can carefully write down thoughts, dividing by stream, and wait for their responce without bizzare feeling of being skewered on a conversation, without getting tongue-locked when i fail to prioritize a stream, because they demand a responce urgently and dont give me time to compose myself (and they really cant help it either, same as i cant help myself)

hope im not going offkey here, or assuming things from my personal experience, that dont really apply to u. if i do that, i am sorry.

i myself really try to lessen my real-life communication to a total possible minimum here, because i just cant handle it.

Quoted for wisdom.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

well some allistics can accept us. even like us. but most just dont want to bother to try to understand. (thouchy spot of me, and i think most, if not all, of us). sorry, im in bad state right now, cant produce a decent response.

I'm not sure there is any decent response. I know allistics who've accepted me far more than I ever had. I suppose I should expect them to be confused & unreachable until there's greater acceptance of both ASD & advanced technology in social settings. I know I have to be patient & let them process what's going on with me but I don't think I can tell when someone has all that figured out; how do I make sure I'm still reachable or even remembered?

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

those, who accept, accept. everything. they can get confused, but they wont reject once they have not initially. also i dont think somebody, ever, can figure it ALL out^^ parts of it, yep. key - trust those, who had earned ur trust. yep, being paranoid is something some of us do, and we cant really help ourselves. but we can try.

I guess if anything I'm paranoid that I'll get brushed under the rug along with my unmarketable lifestyle but on the other hand I don't really forsee anyone I know going out of their way to forget about my bizarre abilities.

I'm just going to slowly teach everyone I know my h4x0r ways by word of mouth & hope for the best.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I did at least take 3 hours off today. I'll make sure not to arbitrarily begin studying again tonight.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos