Losing Hope

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Stop calling yourselves “rejects”—all of you!

I really miss male company at times. You can talk to me straight about things, where as women find that tone argumentative. I get sick of just being around women.

There's a particular psychology practice near where I live, with a therapist who lists Aspergers as something they have experience dealing with. I've wanted to get in touch with them for ages (over a year) and potentially start going there, but I dread making the necessary phone call and never end up doing it as a result.

You’re a good guy, TGI.

I still wish you would do some University. There, you might meet people more like you.

Lol it didnt occur to me for years to do it this way. I kept trying to blend in and "be normal" and make a phone call like "everyone else".

People will think what they want about you, regardless of what you say or do... so I figure be yourself and save that autistic energy for things under your control.

Besides emailing gives you a chance to ask questions about costs, availability and background info on the therapist, to see if they have the potential to be a good match.... The kind of details that sometimes take me longer to process when I'm nervous.

So I took Amity's suggestion and emailed the therapist I was eyeing. I'd actually been entertaining the idea of seeing that therapist since I think late 2018, but I had my doubts that therapy could adequately address my issues. I still do to an extent, but given what's at stake, I at least have to give it my best shot, and on paper, this therapist seems like pretty much the perfect match for my issues. Her website lists that she has experience dealing with aspergers and she's only about 1km or so away from me.

I have an appointment for a couple of weeks away, so we'll see how that goes. It'll be the first time I've been to therapy in 4 years, and my self-knowledge and ability to articulate and drill down to the core issues has improved immensely since then, so that in conjunction with the fact that this therapist has experience with aspergers should be conducive to more productive sessions than my previous bouts with therapy.

I haven't been completely forthcoming in this thread about the full extent of what I'm facing, and I don’t really want what I've left unsaid to be publicly available on this forum, which is why I've left it unsaid. When I say this whole not being able to get a girlfriend thing has lead to me doing potentially irreparable damage to myself, I mean that in the most literal sense. I know nobody will understand, which is another reason I don't mention it, but I felt like mentioning that this spin-off problem is also responsible for a fair chunk of my suicidality, low self-esteem and depression.

What do you find keeps you going?

For me it’s human Instinct if survival and video games. But video games are helping less and less. I find it hard to bother playing them sometimes. Especially if there’s no one to play wirh.

That's great news TGI. I hope your therapy session goes well. Congrats on taking the initiative to email for your appointment. I agree that telephone calls are much more challenging and consequently, they are easily avoided. You're fortunate to have the improved metacognition from last time, and to be aware of it as a new strength.

Good luck!!