Not Enjoying Living (Trigger Warning: Suicide)

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The hari Krishnas consume a powder called asafoetida to reduce the sex drive

Well yes, but have you heard the phrase 'drop down your bucket' which means whatever small bucket you have, still go ahead and try to get water with it like everybody else even though you get smaller amounts.. it's like having a smaller fishing rod, you can still fish, just end up catching less.

Of course I agree with that.

It’s because that’s the way you see things that you’re unhappy. If you charmer the way you see things & changed your value system to value and appreciate other things in life then life becomes bearable - and even enjoyable. I’ve never been in a relationship but there are a lot of things I enjoy. Beach, kiteboarding/outdoor sports & rec, parties, time with my God kids/nephews, motorcycle riding, exercise, learning, music etc. I don’t convince myself that there’s no enjoyment from life without a partner, and so there Is enjoyment.

Yes - I do think it would be applicable
to helping resolve problems listed in this thread. With what I do to treat ASD my symptoms are not very strong or obvious And my thinking and perceptions are more positive vs negative/depressive/anxious - and that changes everything.

I've contemplated that that may reduce the sense of loneliness.
Loneliness is part of the human psyche for a reason.

Indeed...

During the pandemic a lot of speed dating services have moved online. Might be worth giving those a go. They allow your personality to come across better than on apps.

speed dating? good luck Harry Potter

Also, I am in same situation as you but about ten years older.. you need to become neutral and independent in life and not have ups or downs based on having or not having a gf. This is the likeliest to make one happen.

My dad brain washes himself naturally all the time by telling himself optimistic lies about his future and reading and listening to self improvement books online. He attracted an attractive woman twelve years younger..

I on the other hand am always negative and pessimistic and cannot attract a woman for the life of me.

Try learning to cook at home. This will improve your biology and make you smell better. Learn to cook as a hobby. Learn to cook from family members, YouTube, and reddit and internet. Keep practicing even if you suck at it. Just the fact of cooking for yourself will help.

Yup.

"Generally" speaking:
A positive attitude attracts people,
A negative one tends to repel.

This nicely illustrates the power of self-confidence. Also is your dad rich?

Agreed.

FYI I have read Several of these types of books about happiness, positive thinking, financial success etc and it’s all very good programming that truly does assist in improving your mindset, outlook, and goal setting & achieving capabilities.

I’m not “rich,” But, ~8 years ago I was $110k in debt and bankrupt and too sick to work. Now? Even though I lost a significant investment return (Grr!) I’ve still managed to pay off my brand new car And classic motorcycle And have multiple 5 figures in savings/investments. I’ve also been building skills & now my income potential is rising, so while September 1st was my last vehicle payment, my income continues to rise, too, so now I can save at an ever faster rate from here on in - and then even faster.

Reading those books helped. But they’re only one factor. The other major one was learning how to treat my ASD and comorbid symptoms. That’s been literally life changing.

And the rest? Physical fitness via healthy diet and tons of exercise and physical work. I’m not As lean as I have been, but I’m still in overall good shape.. but getting leaner, stronger, and swifter again. I have a Lot more work to do and I’m going to need to be in Great physical & mental shape to have a fighting chance of pulling it off. So, I’ll get to work on it.

All of this stuff makes one a more attractive person, too. I can’t stress enough just how much physical fitness makes people more sexually/romantically attractive. Aesthetically, but also in attitude & mindset. Exercise, especially cardio, is such an amazing mood booster. Even without skills or money or assets like vehicles and material possessions etc, healthy physically fit people simply Are more attractive (in general, not always) to others. Even poor people with no job or money can attract others far more easily if they’re fit. Fact. Just make the decision to get into better shape and then start in on making doing the work required a part of your daily routine. Rinse & repeat every single day for years and you’ll slowly but surely transform yourself. I’ve been 242lbs with a 38” waist, and ~5 years later I was down to 185lbs w/ a 31-32” waist at approx 10% body fat with nearly 6 pack abs. I’m currently ~200lbs at 14%bf and working on getting lighter & leaner again because I think, Feel, and perform better when I’m slimmer, stronger, and faster. Work, play, sex, everything is better when you’re fitter. It’s worth the commitment & discipline - otherwise people wouldn’t do it.

Yup.

Surprisingly life coaching and specifically NLP works.

Self-help is repackaged in various forms and it doesn't need evidence-based research or big dollars to get something that will help in your self-confidence or self-esteem.

Buddhists and hindus call it the power of knowing yourself by thyself...the best metaphor is an "inner compass"

I mention the whole sex thing not because I'm trying to measure who has it worse or whatever, but because I imagine how I'd feel in your situation, where I can't get a relationship but I can have a string of sex partners who are attracted to me. I wouldn't find that ideal, but I think I could work with it, as opposed to either situation I'm in now which literally makes me want to kill myself. At least if my situation was more similar than yours, I wouldn't feel so undesirable.

As for changing my value system, maybe that would have been possible 12 years ago when I first started wanting a girlfriend, but I'm far too invested to give up now. The fact that I'd commit suicide over trying to find a way to make peace with it should substantiate how invested I am.

Honestly, I haven't developed that many interests, and I'm not hugely invested in the ones I do have. I think at least some of the reason for that is that I've been depressed for so long about this girlfriend stuff that it's taking up mental bandwidth that might be freed up for other things if I could finally succeed in that endeavour. Moreover, losing interest in things you enjoy doing is a symptom of depression, so perhaps having been depressed so long, I haven't developed interests I otherwise would have, or at least I'm not as invested in them as I otherwise might be.

Honestly, given that my propensity towards negative thinking is a product of my experiences, I don't see it changing until I start having more positive experiences, so as someone else pointed out earlier on, I can't be positive without ever having had a girlfriend, but it's also an extreme challenge to get a girlfriend while not being positive.

If you think I can magically find a way to be positive in spite of my circumstances, then I would posit that you can't fathom the extent to which my circumstances are causing me grief.

Also, I don't think that I need to be in a relationship at all times to be content. I don't think the strength of my desire to get a relationship would be much different than average if I'd had an average dating history. The fact that I've never had a relationship just intensifies the desire, for plenty of different reasons.

I might be hungry if I skip lunch, but I'm probably not going to be starving for food in the same way that I would be if I hadn't eaten in 30 days.

Dude, with all due respect, if you're in the same situation as me but you're 10 years older, you're one of the last people I'd take advice from. Unless you're warning me about the mistakes you made.

As for the self-help stuff, I went through a self-help phase in my teens. I listened to people like Anthony Robbins, Nick Vuijic and Dan Millman. Heck, I even got into "The Secret". While sometimes I'd feel better when listening to these people at the time, doing so ultimately didn't translate into real-life success.

I used to be a lot more generous and kind-hearted in my teens, because I used to subscribe to the general idea of karma, but the honest truth is that when I didn’t get the one thing I truly wanted, that went out the window and I started only looking out for myself and people I care about. I dropped any faith-based notions I had, threw any shred of spirituality I had out the window and plunged into nihilism. Not all of that was due to my situation, but it was certainly a contributing factor.