Hope and Healing in The Forum

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The more I read this book, the more I understand that we have something very different going on inside our brains, as opposed to NTs. He goes into great detail regarding the differences in musicians brains, and I'm convinced that AS has a physical basis .....

I wonder if that physical difference can also explain why I make my family so mad sometimes. Maybe I just don't fake normal too well.

Temple Grandin has done some great lectures on this as well, you should look for some on youtube, she has plenty of powerful ones.

I'm still reading that book, and the concluding chapters are sobering.
He discusses Williams' Syndrome, and explains how the genetic basis of that has been found. It's a miniscule number of genes, but they have been identified. Now let me make it clear, Williams people are our mirror twins, they're overly sociable, talkative, musical, and usually severely handicapped as to daily life. But since they've identified the genes, then somewhere down the line, someone will come up with a pre-natal test for it. Just like Down's Syndrome.
Now the sobering part. AS has a genetic basis. I realize this from the discussions of the PET scans of Williams people's brains, and the discovery of how different they are. So sometime soon, AS will be gene mapped. And then it's just a matter of time.
The good news?
We can change our brains ourselves.
And that's the road we MUST travel.

Change through repetition of pratcising behaviors you want to have, and consciously suppressing behaviors you don't want.
It's a small example, but I have practised eye contact for the past couple of years. It still un-nerves me, but to far less degree than it did at first. I was chatting with a gent who was telling me about his business of home-based helpers for Autistic people. I stood there and asked him questions, and finally he asked, 'why so curious?' and I said 'I have AS'. "Nice eye contact' he responded.
As I said, it's a small thing. But when we avoid eye contact, it's a 'trait' that makes NT's nervous, or strikes them as odd.
My point is that our brains are wired differently than anyone else's, but our brains are 'plastic' and can be 'taught'. You never lose your ASpic-ness. You never lose your 'identity'. You won't find yourself in a nightclub flirting with someone of the opposite sex who's dressed to the nines and is only interested in bedding you. (! !)
But we CAN change. We CAN wade through the molasses swamp we find ourselves in.

I believe it's a matter of facing up to the small quirks we have, that aren't helping us.

As an example, I have a very dry wit, and if people don't 'pick up' on that, then I'm perceived as being a snot, or 'stuck up', or even insulting. I have to be very aware of prople's ability to accept humour, and not over do it.

I'm still in the process of learning what my quirks are and how others perceive them. I know about the more obvious things like rocking, but I'm clueless about subtle social ones. I also really don't have a clue what others think when they look at me.

It can be difficult to get an accurate perception of ourselves. It's rather like the old adverts regarding bad breath, only your best friend will tell you.
I had a very interesting experience my first year of Uni. It was in an exercise for some class like "Communications", we were given partners in the class, and sat face to face. Each of us took a turn modelling facial expressions, and the other was to interpret those expressions. This was back in the dark ages (1970's) and no one had yet uttered the word 'Autism". I got some cute girl who was rather annoyed that I couldn't 'read' her expressions. She also wasn't happy with my modelling. I wondered there and then, WHY? Why did I have a problem with something so seemingly elemental? No of course, I know the why.
My point is that we can ask people to help us with such 'problems'. I mean trusted people such as close friends, therapists, or family. It's going to feel strange, and you're going to have thoughts like 'am I trying to pass for human'? But if we don't, then we persist in our problematic state.
I've read over and over here on these boards about lads who want to learn how to date girls, but don't want to change. It's up to the individual, but you really can't complain if you don't want to take the time and effort tostart accomplishing something different.

Yes, I think if we do want to change things, the way the world reacts to us, then we have to be aware of how our behaviour affects other people. Also if we are happy to be as we are and accept the consequences of that, or try and adapt a bit (although this requires a huge effort if we're used to sticking in our own mode)
I had the realisation recently that the reason my girlfriends don't contact me very often is that I never contact them. I reply if they email but never make the first move to chat. It came as a huge shock that this passivity was probably quite hurtful to them and they assume that I don't like them very much as I never phone or email them. Like they are supposed to know I appreciate them...how lol. Working on it! It is hard though, to get out of this life-long habit.

Runaway
Graffiti decorations
Underneath a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learned were never true

Now I find myself in question
[They point the finger at me again]
Guilty by association
[You point the finger at me again]

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true

I wanna run away
Never say good-bye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't see

[With out a sense of confidence and I'm convinced
that there's just too much pressure to take]
Ive felt this way before
So insecure

The lack of self-control I fear is never-ending
Controlling/I can't seem
To find myself again

Consuming all I feel
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

I become lost inside these thoughts
Of my own I do not understand
I just want them to go away
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
Then the thoughts slowly found words -

-ƸAS Autism ~

And now I know
[It never goes away]
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
cause yourve never been my friend
I can't separate myself from -

[AS]

I've had to give up apart of me
You confused my thoughts
And stopped my talk
You always made me feel lost
Did I give up apart of me..
or did you never let me be
'cause Ive always felt trapped
You have made me become you

[AS]

GET AWAY FROM
ME

Nice poem Belladonna. But the point is to learn how to embrace people, not tell them to leave us alone. I know in my heart of hearts that if something happened to The Missus I could quite easily turn into a hermit. The challenge is to not give in to out weak side, but to recognize it and do things to overcome it.

I do understand you poem, and I have even voiced that thought.

Well done, Bazza ! !

(Also good to see you still about.)