Rants

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And yet some people (not on WP) automatically take her side over mine, without even meeting her.

I agree. She's definitely got some kind of deficiency.

Oh that person didn't mean to upset me, they just apologised and said they worded it badly!

Yes, for years I thought I wasn't good enough, if I just tried harder I'd get my mum to love me e.g. when I had a baby I thought 'finally! We'll both be mothers and have something in common.'

Wrong! When I phoned to tell her I was pregnant she got angry and shouted down the phone. I was feeling scared and sick and put the phone down on her. She treated me cruelly while I was pregnant and got fed up with my daughter when she got to about 2 years old.

She was only helpful when my daughter was newborn up til about 18 months. She got impatient after that. I remember her getting into an argument with my 3 year old daughter about how she should draw her picture. FFS

I feel like no one at work can hurt me since they don't know enough about me to hurt me.
I can try being a little more genuine but if i get hurt any more i am scared of getting suicidal.
So being a non confrontational, easy going, superficial person is what protects me

I really don't want to get a cold. Yes I know some people might laugh at me because I'm whining about a cold when there are worse things out there but that's not the point.

I haven't got a cold but I know I will get one because there seems to be colds going around at work (not covid, as everyone's been tested and all negative) but my immune system has been completely run down lately, like having oral thrush, swollen glands in my neck and soreness around one of my fingernails, so I don't stand a chance in fighting any viruses off that are floating around. Plus I haven't had a cold since March 2020 so I suppose I have to catch one sooner or later.

I don't believe in diet to help immune systems fight off colds. Usually the things listed in those sorts of diets are things I don't like, like nuts and tea and sprouts and beans. I only like most fruit, some vegetables, yoghurt, meat, honey, and mixing garlic and herbs into my meals - which is good enough I believe. I don't like any sort of tea, and although I'm not allergic I just don't like nuts, and (baked) beans and sprouts make you fart which I hate doing, and I don't like sweet potato at all. I'm sorry but when people start giving diet as advice to stop getting colds I have to dismiss it.

Vitamin C is good for colds.

When is the weather going to cool off already. I can't do my housework without breaking out in a sweat and after I'm done my housework, I'm out like a light for three hours. It's like losing 4 hours out of the day. I'm going to straighten out my sleeping area tomorrow morning. I'm going to need to do some more cleaning and tidying tomorrow. I'll need to do a little bit each day just to keep on top of things.

I don't know why I have to feel pressured to do s**t that I don't want to do or that I can't handle doing, especially when I have a hundred other things to stress about and do, while I'm already burnt out and running on empty. I f*****g hate the fact that no one really gets what autism entails. I can't just spontaneously do everything everyone wants me to do with no discretion and never f*****g stop for a second to rest. I almost had a meltdown at break because my aunt was like "Don't flake out on me," when I was trying to ask if I could not go to the ret*d idiotic play thing tonight because I feel extremely stressed out and ill, and if I go to this stupid thing I won't be able to handle going to my other aunts this weekend (I am expected to manage a full work week and then give up 75% of my weekends for BS that I don't want to do half the time, but that I do anyways to be a good little autist and not impede on anyone's good time with my need for a f*****g break once in awhile). I don't even have a preventative OR an emergency inhaler now because they're all out of doses and dispense absolutely nothing, and the stupid f*****g CVS is apparently incompetent and won't transfer my prescriptions from the other pharmacy so I don't have to pay $200 just to be able to breathe. My glasses also don't work for s**t AND they don't even fit me because the lady there rushed me out the door and wouldn't adjust them properly. My aunt also expects us to somehow halfassedly put insulation under the house and fix the fact that 95% of it IS ON THE GROUND, including the vapor barrier that it's on top of and that is blocking me from even going further in the crawlspace, when she hasnt even seen how absolutely f****d it is down there and that it's not going to take just like 30 minutes to magically do, so I'm going to have to go under there a 4th time and figure out what the f**k to do w/o any help (I barely fit in there, who the hell is going to help me?) just to appease her. There's so much other s**t on my mind than all this useless crap people want me to do instead and that I don't want to deal with.

I sometimes wish I could get some things off my chest here but I can't because I know it might hurt people. There's some threads I get so bored of seeing and I want to impulsively say something but I can't, because I don't want the people who created those threads to feel upset. Also I don't want to look like a bad person. I do sometimes say things here that I don't say in real life. But in real life most people have the same sort of views as me so it's easier to share them. On here people are very different from each other, a lot of wokeness, and less conservative. Although I don't ever vote conservative government some of my views can be conservative, like hating political change (I refuse to call people anything else other than he or she).

Dealing with my dad stresses me out so much. I feel embarrassed because I've had outbursts a few times since he's started staying here again. He's constantly massively drunk and talks only about negative s**t. I hate being around him and it makes my blood pressure and pulse rate so high that it makes me feel ill. He also makes me viscerally uncomfortable for reasons that I can't mention to anyone in my family.

I also almost had a meltdown yesterday because when he's here it makes my mom constantly try to contact me, which pisses me off more because she got my phone number from him. My aunt told me to tell her to stop attempting to contact me and threaten to pursue an anti-harassment order, and that made her stop (for now). The next time she contacts me I will actually try to do that because she will never truly stop unless I do.

Whiners. They impose their whine upon the rest of us. Why don't they just go somewhere else...?

Choice Fatigue

Why is everything so complicated with so many decisions?

I'm doing an online grocery order and I decided I'm craving grape juice.
I don't care if it's green or red grapes.

I've scrolled through three pages of listings, about 30 items, and none of them are normal grape juice.

There's grape-apple, grape-pomegranate, grape-mango (EWWWW), grape-"blend", grape "drink" (fake sugar stuff), grape cocktail, grape Kool Aid, cranberry juice, berry-citrus, children's drink boxes of all the above (still not grape), diet versions of all the above (still not grape), grape jam, and grape-coloured towels.

I also needed white bread for a Thanksgiving dish: Could get extra fibre, Texas toast (thick), thin-cut, gluten-free, lower carb, baguette, or whole wheat even though they call it white bread.

WTF