Rants

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I hate that my brain won't let me forget about my trauma and has to f*****g force me to constantly relive absolutely horrible s**t via dreams that trigger the hell out of me. I can't get it to stop and when it happens I want to just bang my head against a wall.

If I'm overstimulated, everything is stressful and confusing.
If I'm understimulated, I'd be bored and restless.


Regardless, I'd feel sleepy or tired and discomfortable. I have no sense of sensory balance nor actual preference.
Only a few stuff here and there.


It never helps that I couldn't find any deeper sensory ideal for basically my whole life so far.
I spent most of my waking life having been bombarded by unwanted overwhelm and underwhelm as a 'baseline'.

Because my uncontrollable rhinitis symptoms won't leave me alone and give a fricking break.
Let alone let me recognize the contrast and realize which my body prefers and needs.


TLDR; this stupid 'allergy' stole a good portion of my waking life.
A lot of things would've been very different if it were even a bit manageable. I would've able to know more, do much more...

I have to accept this fact that it already happened. I can, intellectually do that.
But emotionally? It's being a stubborn brat. Can't this part of me fricking get over it?!?

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I fecking hate iPhones, I knew I should have got an Android feck feck treble feck. No the password is not incorrect you lying sack of apple sh*t, I hope you die argh! Now I have to wait a fecking hour to try again.

I think it's just RSD being a bee-yotch, but my boss + coworkers are kinda not happy with me for forgetting to clean my register before leaving work yesterday. Saying I should know better since I'm in a supervisor role and such.

I do clean it most of the time, I wish they'd acknowledge that. Plus I have ADHD and while yes I am medicated I do still forget stuff sometimes.

^ Don't f*cking tempt me , I nearly drop-kicked the piece of a s**t into a wall yesterday which I was just reading is a red flag for dating - oh well, I've smashed loads of my stuff up in anger - steer clear ladies, no seriously get away from me

Yeah but was it GF's fault for not putting out?



https://youtu.be/LsHoZNoSh0s

No, it was probably a stupid argument that got blown out of proportion due to poor communication.

If someone does not want to sex me up, then it's probably over, bye Felicia.

Poor, poor Felicia. The unfortunate bun.

The f*****g Waitrose driver refused to give me my groceries because I look younger than 25. There's no f*****g alcohol in my order. Wtf. Don't know where the f**k I've put my photo ID, so couldn't prove it. I thanked him and told him it's fine, they have to follow the rules.

I'm fourty-fucking-three.

Going back to Ocado. f**k you Waitrose.

^ Although a PITA my GF said there are some women your age who would pay to have your problem (looking younger than you are).

^ Yeah, I would be flattered under different circumstances, but it's f****d up because there was no alcohol, ciggies, or heroin in my order.

Spoke to a customer advisor over the phone, and they said Waitrose got in legal trouble three weeks ago for delivering to an underaged person.