Rants

Post Reply New Topic

Isn't it fun trying to decompress when the world is hell bent on not letting you do it

I had a massive memory lapse last year on my daughters birthday. I just can't remember the whole day whatsoever. It wasn't alcohol or drug related either.

It's her birthday again tomorrow and I'm having anxiety because I don't want the same thing to happen again.

I will come for you at night time
I will drag you from your bed
I will stab you in 4 places
I'll knock you on the head
I will squeeze the life right out of you
You'll hear me laugh as you cry
I will cut you in several pieces
And i will throw-o-o-o your arms away

^ Will lots of photo's and videos help you tomorrow?

I actually think it's a trauma related thing. Not that my daughters birthday is traumatic but maybe I was stressed a bit and just blacked out.

That sounds likely. Unrelated stress can certainly be a trigger for me.

If it's any consolation I don't remember my kids' birthdays from year to year and we don't even take pics.

Hugs though, BB. I hope you have a better go of it this time.
Congrats on your mothering day (tomorrow).
I think of my kids' birthdays as Mother's Day because they made me a mama.

PMS.
Or is it? I never checked.


It's messing me up.
It's making my rest days feel like some form of inertia -- imagine adjustment disorder. Or, your classic autistic's dislike of change.

Except it's not 'dislike'. More like 'my body and head couldn't switch gears fast enough'.
Whenever after ovulating, it takes me 3 fricking weeks to 'adapt'.

But each reproductive cycle fluctuates every few days up to 2 weeks. 3 weeks longer is not common.
I do not have 3 weeks.
Even if I do, that's like barely 2 days at most before I have to 'adjust again'.

And no.
Coping skills? I don't know! It's been [i]years[/i] and it happens over and over and over.
I gained no fricking 'coping skills' by dealing with this crap. Because there no fricking 'breaks'.


YOU try 'growing' by constantly being INTERRUPTED!..

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I hate my things being touched.

Unfortunately my room doesn't have a working electric socket, so all I have is a really long extension.

Then this extension was expired at Monday.
Went and replaced it here and there with extra extensions.

When I got home from work, fricking tired to a point that I had a nap.
Mom just had a gall to tell me to buy some food -- and that I would add more than she gave.


But then mom moved the extension set up by having 2 extensions -- one of the extensions was being used downstairs.

I don't want it.
I don't wanna fricking bother.
Why would she do that?!

AND SHE CALLED ME FEEBLEMINDED FOR REFUSING TO DO IT.
SHE FRICKING TOUCH IT AND I WAS FRICKING TIRED.

AND MY LONG WEEKEND REST WAS USELESS NO THANKS TO THIS FRICKING HORMONES. AND SHE HAD A FRICKIN GALL TO TELL ME TO GET OUT AND HAVE FOOD.


THIS IS THE LAST STRAW.

I WILL NEVER HELP HER WITH ANYTHING RELATED TO TECHNOLOGY EVER AGAIN.

I hadn't spoke to her for a week now.
But you know what? Maybe she's also the damn reason I'm raging a lot.

I could care less anymore.
I will never accept any of her offerings. I could fricking care less how affectionate she acts.

I'll just do as I've been slowly planning for years -- have my own space. THAT NO ONE TOUCHES.
Away from anyone.

Away from her.

I don't fricking care if she changed. In fact I don't even believed that she did -- she's just putting up with me.

I will never believe her anymore.
And love?? I'll gladly throw it away.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.