Rants

Post Reply New Topic

Today I was scrolling my old Facebook messages...

*Proceeds to see all the crap I've sent half a decade ago, before I realized I was autistic*

These include
A picture of a man squashed by a tank and other photos and videos of similar nature.
Lots of rants and arguments.

It's a shame because some of these people I talked to are genuinely people I meshed well with, but at my low point I ended up destroying any relationship I've had.

I don't know how my weather app can lie to me in this way.

It's telling me it's dry outside yet its clearly not because I can hear it raining. In fact it's teaming down and has been for f*****g hours.

Yet every time I look at my app it still proceeds with this lie.

I'm clearly being gaslighted.

I'm sick of wearing my waterproofs when my weather app would have me believe it's bikini weather.

Thing is my daughter (who lives with me), hers is accurate.

^

My cousin wants to take me to a hospital and LOL no I just want to f*****g die ngl I don't really care if I bleed out

I hope you go. It sounds important.

People will pamper you when you get home, too.

I f*****g hate being accused of things that I haven't done.
I hate being followed around and f*****g monitored (by people who aren't so f*****g innocent themselves) like I'm about to do something wrong.
I have this in a lot of my life.
I go in shops and get followed. Well excuse me but while you're following me around there are people robbing you.
I get accused of things when I go to work. I'm a racist one day, a thief the next. blah blah f*****g blah!

I trust not one soul. Not online and not in real life yet there's something inside of me that still actually cares about people even when actually I don't think I'm being treated very fairly.

This is a f*****g story of my whole life.

I go to therapy once a week for an hour and it's the first f*****g place in 50 years of living where I truly feel safe and he's the first person in my life who is actually on my side.

He trusts me and I believe him when he tells me this.

I just think that this is a f*cked up world when it takes a person 50 years to find one hours peace and safety a week.

And yes of course I'm f*****g angry. I think I have more than a right to be.

F*ck you all!

Oh yeah but I'm not able to tell him all the things I'm saying in therapy yet because it's words I've never said out loud before.

It's hard to be vulnerable. I think that's a big part of it.