I feel I'm slowly regressing to my mental state just before I retired. I'm tired, because I keep waking up in the middle of the night (~1:30 am) and then I stay wake off and on till 5:30 am thinking about what he needs to do and what I need to do to to facilitate him. Then he tells me he has a job in another city, but he is light on the details, but I start planning what I need to do. Four days later he tells me another plan, for another city, where he and his ex-wife can be closer together. It was her idea. Okay. Remove the to do tasks off the calendar for the other plan. Then I over hear his conversation (he was sitting four feet away) about his ex-wife saying the place he was planning to move into, and she would be moving into near by, was too expensive. Wasn't this her idea? The slippery facts about the expense sure sounds more like him (???). He is insistent that they can live there for less than they are asking.
The second layer of the problem. "Her"
"Her" is a woman my friend became acquainted with online. She lives in Los Angeles. It gets complicated for me at this point because I simply don't understand it. I know the difference between a virtual fantasy and reality. He has been eagerly waiting for their actual physical union for over a year (???). That is questionable because the time line for all of this on his end seems to have been metaphorically written in sand on the beach. One thing I am certain of is they have never physically met. I am not certain they have talked live using a camera app (like zoom or whatever). Again, written in sand, with a pen that uses steam instead of ink. In other words, when I ask for clarification, he gives me definite answers, but they are later contradicted.
The biggest problem with "Her" is everyone that knows him and what is going on, is convinced it is a scam. I'm inclined to agree, although they believe the scam is of the type that they saw one whatever program they saw or article they read. There are other kinds of scams as well. One thing is for certain. That is "Her" has bled him dry of his money. In July, he received ~$4,000+ from the government. Of that, he gave her $3,000+. Considering he had been homeless and in the hospital from starvation the previous month or so (history is wishy washy but I know it happened). That is where I came in. He was living at a hotel at a government discount rate of $75 a night. That should have lasted him through July, and then August, and then... But as mention, he have her more than 75% of his money. He ran out, and he called me. "I'm homeless and have no money." I pick him up and he comes to live with me.
Week one. It is announced that "Her" is flying to finally be with him. He gives her money. This is money I gave him to cover bills. "Her" was a no show at past midnight. I felt bad for him. Every flight that arrived he would hobble (he is frail) over to the gate and wait for "Her", always hopeful. Why??? "Her" passport was expired and the social security number she gave the people in L.A. was wrong. See, by now I had heard about the money and was thinking scam as well.
Two days later, "Her" will be flying into another city, two hours away the following Wednesday. Fine, I will drive him to that city, he will stay at a hotel, but wait (! !!) there is a problem with his debit/credit card. I put it on my card because I don't want to spend an hour while he sorts it all out. I did this voluntarily. He has a doctor's appointment on Monday. So, I paid up until Wednesday. He gets to his room, gets on the phone with the bank, spends an hour trying to get things settled over the phone. He says it is settled. We go to get a rental car so he can pick "Her" up and drive to the doctor's appointment. I end up paying for the car. "Her" is a no show, but "Her" will be coming a few days later. Fine. Then my friend needs money for bills and the additional days in the hotel. I deposit money into his account (note, this is the last time). She is a no show again. That is three times, and then he lets it slip that that this happened twice before. So she has said she was coming to be with her "husband" and could not wait to be physically be with him. SCAM! But he does not see it.
This is where I get fed up and angry. I drive two hours to pick him up. I gave him money to pay his bills. He gave it to her. I gave him money to pay for the additional days in the hotel. He gave it to her. Plus, the additional days of the car rental, got charged to me. The additional days in the hotel, got charge to me, so I paid the three extra days twice. This was after I was explicitly clear that all that money was for HIM and not her. So I told him, he is cut off.
Now he is making plans that keep changing, because my plan is to drive him to that city that has the job proposal and drop him off at the homeless shelter 13 minutes away from the job. He has two options. Get back some of that money I gave him from "Her" or stay in the homeless shelter until he gets his next social security check. What he plans to do with that check is up to him.
Everyday I wake up exhausted and less equipped to deal with what I initially thought was a simple problem. He has made that simple problem is to a clusterf---.
Meanwhile, he is full of thanks and well intentioned comments. He has always been that way, for the thirty years I've known him.
Meanwhile, his social security payments were messed up because they did not have the correct address for him. His debt/credit card was flagged/blocked because of his money giving to "Her" and somehow his being overdrawn. I got a printout from the bank going back to June and I could see how much money he gave her, how may gift cards he bought for her, and that is how I learned that he gave her over $3000 of the $4000 I gave him to get his life back together. $3093 to be precise.
Everyday, I become less compassionate for his predicament. I have told him multiple times he needs to be moved out before August 17 because I wanted to visit my sons this month and I am not leaving him here alone.
He is not intentionally a dishonest person, but he is being driven by his 72 year old sexual fantasy about a 41 year old woman. I am tempted to place him on a plane to L.A. so he can be with her for ever and ever and ever.
20 Jul 2026, 5:57 pm
