EVERYONE who gets upset, wants to be numb and not care, or for the pain to just go away. The latter sometimes doesn't come as fast as we want it, so we just want to be numb.
Unless you've got a genuine chemical imbalance, that pain is your body telling you that it doesn't like what's going on. You should put in the effort to make changes in your surrounding environment, and get help to make life better. It's not going to happen overnight, but things can get better.

But the pain keeps repeadedly coming back even years after the painful event/hurtful thing has happened/been said. Simply not caring will sheild me from it.