Any reason at all?
CockneyRebel
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Sweetleaf
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Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
11 Feb 2012, 2:50 am
Uhh this is so frustrating, I guess thank you to everyone who tried to help.....and it's not your fault that you can't so try not to feel bad about it. And I feel like all I ever end up doing is burdening everyone else with my stupid problems, so I don't see why people are concerned about my well being at all I mean what is so freaking great about me? nothing, nothing at all.
I can't even be taken seriously in any context, I mean I'm just a freaking ridicule/ treat me like I'm an idiot magnet...like people just think 'oh how cute of you to try but its even funnier that you fail so everyone can have a good laugh at your expense. ' and I just get sick of it.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
11 Feb 2012, 9:09 am
Sweetleaf wrote:
Uhh this is so frustrating, I guess thank you to everyone who tried to help.....and it's not your fault that you can't so try not to feel bad about it. And I feel like all I ever end up doing is burdening everyone else with my stupid problems, so I don't see why people are concerned about my well being at all I mean what is so freaking great about me? nothing, nothing at all.
I can't even be taken seriously in any context, I mean I'm just a freaking ridicule/ treat me like I'm an idiot magnet...like people just think 'oh how cute of you to try but its even funnier that you fail so everyone can have a good laugh at your expense. ' and I just get sick of it.
I can't even be taken seriously in any context, I mean I'm just a freaking ridicule/ treat me like I'm an idiot magnet...like people just think 'oh how cute of you to try but its even funnier that you fail so everyone can have a good laugh at your expense. ' and I just get sick of it.
I told you, based only on a cursory glance, what I think is great about you. But I can't make you see what I see. I just want you to know that I do understand where you are coming from. You aren't a burden either, what you are doing is the whole point of forums like this, and anyone who begrudges you obviously doesn't really understand.
11 Feb 2012, 10:26 am
i think there is always something you have not thought of yet, that when you think of it, it can provide enthusiasm. "enthusiasm" can not be pulled out of a hat as easily as a rabbit can.
if you have a printer and sticky tape, then maybe you can post signs on power poles that advertise that you are available to work.
my girlfriend has been languishing about the fact that she is not qualified to do anything (she is mentally handicapped to a mild degree), and i wrack my mind to think of things that she could do.
i know these suggestions may not be of interest, but i will post them anyway.
there are many elderly people who are on the brink of having to go to a nursing home because they cannot care for themselves any more. i do not mean that they can not wipe their bottoms or shower, but they can not cook or clean or maintain their yards or go shopping for their groceries etc, and if you are in their local area, you may have success in being hired to do those activities for them. you are a girl, and elderly people trust girls that are honest.
if you stick posters on many poles that advertise your willingness to help them out, then even if they do not see those posters, maybe their kids (who consider it a chore to look after their parent) will.
maybe you would find that depressing however. i do not know.
some people are employed by their local government in australia (i am not sure about the USA) to maintain parks and ovals (sports fields) by sitting on ride on lawn mowers and cutting the grass, and picking up sticks and stuff that fall onto the ground. i have seen many people doing jobs like that who are seemingly unemployable. i am not suggesting you are unemployable, but you suggest it, and i know that the parks and wildlife department look for disabled people to hire with priority.
there are jobs in bush regeneration projects (pulling out weeds and planting native australian plants in their place) which do not require supervision or interaction with other employees here in australia. those jobs are usually filled by people who are otherwise unemployable in the general workforce.
i notice that the postmen/women who put letters in my letterbox can be extremely feral looking and seem quite strange (i am saying this because i am trying to tell you that people much more insufficient than you have these types of employment) ride small motorbikes for about 3 hours per day while they deliver the mail.
3 hours per day does not seem that bad. they start at 11, and finish at 2. they get about $700 per week to do it, and i guess that is something.
maybe you should learn to drive if you can. courier jobs are always available, and workplace laws dictate that no parcel can be more than 12 kg that is required to be lifted. mostly, courier jobs just deliver small lightweight parcels to various locations.
i do not know how savage things are in america, and i am talking with reference to how things are in australia.
if you advertise in your local area to simply clean people's houses, then because their houses need only be cleaned 1 day per week (unless they are grotty(in which case you would not accept them)), then you can choose 7 - 10 people to limit your work time to 1-2 days per week. i pay my cleaner $50 to do the vacuuming and general cleaning, and she is finished in about an hour (because i do not make much mess). if you have 10 people paying you $50 to clean their house, and if it takes only 1 hour at each persons house, then you can get $500 per week for 1 big days work, or for 2 small days work. they usually have their own vacuum cleaners as well which would mean you do not have to buy a vacuum cleaner.
i do not really know how to help you, but i wish i could. you seem like an innocent person to me, and it is sad to see you are swimming around a whirlpool that may suck you under if things go wrong.
why do you often get fired from jobs? is it because you simply cannot do them? or is it because you sometimes do not want to do them? are you sick often? are there days where you wake up and just want to go back to sleep and forget everything?
no need to answer me, but maybe think about those questions and answer them to yourself.
motivation stems from life force. if you do not care if you die, then it is like those people who wound up in the freezing water when the titanic went down. maybe they saw a lifeboat a few hundred feet from them and maybe they simply thought that they could not bother to try to swim toward them because it was too hard. they died, but the people who did swim and put the effort in to it did not have to swim forever. they finally reached the boat and they got in and they warmed up and lived the rest of their lives.
i think it is good to be alive while you are healthy. you can breathe easily and you are not afflicted with emphysema, and you can think clearly because you are not beset with alzheimers disease, and you have little chance of a heart attack or a stroke.
when a person is very old, and their body is failing, and their bones ache, i can understand that they may want to call it a day (a life), but for someone like you who has what every old person would give everything to have, to just give up and be sucked into the whirlpool is a tragedy.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
11 Feb 2012, 12:28 pm
rabbittss wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Uhh this is so frustrating, I guess thank you to everyone who tried to help.....and it's not your fault that you can't so try not to feel bad about it. And I feel like all I ever end up doing is burdening everyone else with my stupid problems, so I don't see why people are concerned about my well being at all I mean what is so freaking great about me? nothing, nothing at all.
I can't even be taken seriously in any context, I mean I'm just a freaking ridicule/ treat me like I'm an idiot magnet...like people just think 'oh how cute of you to try but its even funnier that you fail so everyone can have a good laugh at your expense. ' and I just get sick of it.
I can't even be taken seriously in any context, I mean I'm just a freaking ridicule/ treat me like I'm an idiot magnet...like people just think 'oh how cute of you to try but its even funnier that you fail so everyone can have a good laugh at your expense. ' and I just get sick of it.
I told you, based only on a cursory glance, what I think is great about you. But I can't make you see what I see. I just want you to know that I do understand where you are coming from. You aren't a burden either, what you are doing is the whole point of forums like this, and anyone who begrudges you obviously doesn't really understand.
Well yeah music taste, but I'm talking about my personality and such there is really nothing all that good.....yeah I like good music but I'm over sensitive, I complain too much, I don't know how to interact with people without f*cking everything up ect. But it could be I am just too depressed to see much good and yeah I sort of am a burden......Probably not to people here. But I sure as hell am not moved out of my moms house with a job and paying my own rent which indicates I need other people to provide me shelter and sometimes food because I can't on my own so yeah that=burden.
Also I realize if anyone tries to ridicule or anything they probably don't really understand but it does not make it any easier to deal with.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
11 Feb 2012, 12:51 pm
b9 wrote:
i think there is always something you have not thought of yet, that when you think of it, it can provide enthusiasm. "enthusiasm" can not be pulled out of a hat as easily as a rabbit can.
if you have a printer and sticky tape, then maybe you can post signs on power poles that advertise that you are available to work.
I don't have either and I don't even know anywhere I am allowed to post signs....but for now I'm looking to apply online where possible and when it's not freezing out I'll actually go into places and ask for applications, problem is there is no guarantee anyone will hire me.
my girlfriend has been languishing about the fact that she is not qualified to do anything (she is mentally handicapped to a mild degree), and i wrack my mind to think of things that she could do.
i know these suggestions may not be of interest, but i will post them anyway.
there are many elderly people who are on the brink of having to go to a nursing home because they cannot care for themselves any more. i do not mean that they can not wipe their bottoms or shower, but they can not cook or clean or maintain their yards or go shopping for their groceries etc, and if you are in their local area, you may have success in being hired to do those activities for them. you are a girl, and elderly people trust girls that are honest.
if you stick posters on many poles that advertise your willingness to help them out, then even if they do not see those posters, maybe their kids (who consider it a chore to look after their parent) will.
maybe you would find that depressing however. i do not know.
Well that would not be too horrible, the problem would be trying to find such jobs.....I am not exactly the smartest person when it comes to knowing what resources to use and where to look for jobs and how to effectively apply and all that.
some people are employed by their local government in australia (i am not sure about the USA) to maintain parks and ovals (sports fields) by sitting on ride on lawn mowers and cutting the grass, and picking up sticks and stuff that fall onto the ground. i have seen many people doing jobs like that who are seemingly unemployable. i am not suggesting you are unemployable, but you suggest it, and i know that the parks and wildlife department look for disabled people to hire with priority.
there are jobs in bush regeneration projects (pulling out weeds and planting native australian plants in their place) which do not require supervision or interaction with other employees here in australia. those jobs are usually filled by people who are otherwise unemployable in the general workforce.
Well that might be an idea if I lived in Australia.
i notice that the postmen/women who put letters in my letterbox can be extremely feral looking and seem quite strange (i am saying this because i am trying to tell you that people much more insufficient than you have these types of employment) ride small motorbikes for about 3 hours per day while they deliver the mail.
3 hours per day does not seem that bad. they start at 11, and finish at 2. they get about $700 per week to do it, and i guess that is something.
maybe you should learn to drive if you can. courier jobs are always available, and workplace laws dictate that no parcel can be more than 12 kg that is required to be lifted. mostly, courier jobs just deliver small lightweight parcels to various locations.
I don't think I'd want to work for the postal service, and a driving job would be terrible for me........part of the reason I have not bothered getting a license is because I am worried I would get distracted to easily and too anxious if the traffic was bad so I don't think a job driving to put mail in peoples mail boxes would be a good idea.
i do not know how savage things are in america, and i am talking with reference to how things are in australia.
if you advertise in your local area to simply clean people's houses, then because their houses need only be cleaned 1 day per week (unless they are grotty(in which case you would not accept them)), then you can choose 7 - 10 people to limit your work time to 1-2 days per week. i pay my cleaner $50 to do the vacuuming and general cleaning, and she is finished in about an hour (because i do not make much mess). if you have 10 people paying you $50 to clean their house, and if it takes only 1 hour at each persons house, then you can get $500 per week for 1 big days work, or for 2 small days work. they usually have their own vacuum cleaners as well which would mean you do not have to buy a vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I would not be opposed to that, but then it's figuring out where to post ads which I don't know where to do that.
i do not really know how to help you, but i wish i could. you seem like an innocent person to me, and it is sad to see you are swimming around a whirlpool that may suck you under if things go wrong.
Also I don't feel very innocent, it's not like I've never done anything wrong, and it's not like I am still naive enough to believe everything's going to work out when everything points to it not working out. But you are right if things keep going wrong I will certainly be sucked under.....but there is not a whole lot to do about it.
why do you often get fired from jobs? is it because you simply cannot do them? or is it because you sometimes do not want to do them? are you sick often? are there days where you wake up and just want to go back to sleep and forget everything?
Because I'm too slow at doing them.......I take a while to process things, and under stress like if its a busy day I'm even slower because that is even more to process on top of being stressed out by sensory overload and just too much at once. Also I don't know how to normally socially interact so sometimes I might give the impression of being rude or just plain weird. Like last job I had was in a loud place so a few times when I went to ask a question to the person in charge I apparently walked away before they had finished without having any idea I had done that. So it usually I go to the job try my hardest to do what needs done......but its things like that I am not usually totally aware of or cannot help that end up building up till I lose the job.
no need to answer me, but maybe think about those questions and answer them to yourself.
motivation stems from life force. if you do not care if you die, then it is like those people who wound up in the freezing water when the titanic went down. maybe they saw a lifeboat a few hundred feet from them and maybe they simply thought that they could not bother to try to swim toward them because it was too hard. they died, but the people who did swim and put the effort in to it did not have to swim forever. they finally reached the boat and they got in and they warmed up and lived the rest of their lives.
Uhh another thing about how you have to try harder. I don't wanna be rude or anything but from my perspective I have been trying my hardest my entire life just push myself along and get through the days, weeks, months ect. all for things to continuously get worse and after a while its burnt me out. I mean it's not like I can just try harder and my life is going to improve if I tried or pushed myself any harder I would have a mental break down long before I will probably still have one anyways.
i think it is good to be alive while you are healthy. you can breathe easily and you are not afflicted with emphysema, and you can think clearly because you are not beset with alzheimers disease, and you have little chance of a heart attack or a stroke.
when a person is very old, and their body is failing, and their bones ache, i can understand that they may want to call it a day (a life), but for someone like you who has what every old person would give everything to have, to just give up and be sucked into the whirlpool is a tragedy.
if you have a printer and sticky tape, then maybe you can post signs on power poles that advertise that you are available to work.
I don't have either and I don't even know anywhere I am allowed to post signs....but for now I'm looking to apply online where possible and when it's not freezing out I'll actually go into places and ask for applications, problem is there is no guarantee anyone will hire me.
my girlfriend has been languishing about the fact that she is not qualified to do anything (she is mentally handicapped to a mild degree), and i wrack my mind to think of things that she could do.
i know these suggestions may not be of interest, but i will post them anyway.
there are many elderly people who are on the brink of having to go to a nursing home because they cannot care for themselves any more. i do not mean that they can not wipe their bottoms or shower, but they can not cook or clean or maintain their yards or go shopping for their groceries etc, and if you are in their local area, you may have success in being hired to do those activities for them. you are a girl, and elderly people trust girls that are honest.
if you stick posters on many poles that advertise your willingness to help them out, then even if they do not see those posters, maybe their kids (who consider it a chore to look after their parent) will.
maybe you would find that depressing however. i do not know.
Well that would not be too horrible, the problem would be trying to find such jobs.....I am not exactly the smartest person when it comes to knowing what resources to use and where to look for jobs and how to effectively apply and all that.
some people are employed by their local government in australia (i am not sure about the USA) to maintain parks and ovals (sports fields) by sitting on ride on lawn mowers and cutting the grass, and picking up sticks and stuff that fall onto the ground. i have seen many people doing jobs like that who are seemingly unemployable. i am not suggesting you are unemployable, but you suggest it, and i know that the parks and wildlife department look for disabled people to hire with priority.
there are jobs in bush regeneration projects (pulling out weeds and planting native australian plants in their place) which do not require supervision or interaction with other employees here in australia. those jobs are usually filled by people who are otherwise unemployable in the general workforce.
Well that might be an idea if I lived in Australia.
i notice that the postmen/women who put letters in my letterbox can be extremely feral looking and seem quite strange (i am saying this because i am trying to tell you that people much more insufficient than you have these types of employment) ride small motorbikes for about 3 hours per day while they deliver the mail.
3 hours per day does not seem that bad. they start at 11, and finish at 2. they get about $700 per week to do it, and i guess that is something.
maybe you should learn to drive if you can. courier jobs are always available, and workplace laws dictate that no parcel can be more than 12 kg that is required to be lifted. mostly, courier jobs just deliver small lightweight parcels to various locations.
I don't think I'd want to work for the postal service, and a driving job would be terrible for me........part of the reason I have not bothered getting a license is because I am worried I would get distracted to easily and too anxious if the traffic was bad so I don't think a job driving to put mail in peoples mail boxes would be a good idea.
i do not know how savage things are in america, and i am talking with reference to how things are in australia.
if you advertise in your local area to simply clean people's houses, then because their houses need only be cleaned 1 day per week (unless they are grotty(in which case you would not accept them)), then you can choose 7 - 10 people to limit your work time to 1-2 days per week. i pay my cleaner $50 to do the vacuuming and general cleaning, and she is finished in about an hour (because i do not make much mess). if you have 10 people paying you $50 to clean their house, and if it takes only 1 hour at each persons house, then you can get $500 per week for 1 big days work, or for 2 small days work. they usually have their own vacuum cleaners as well which would mean you do not have to buy a vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I would not be opposed to that, but then it's figuring out where to post ads which I don't know where to do that.
i do not really know how to help you, but i wish i could. you seem like an innocent person to me, and it is sad to see you are swimming around a whirlpool that may suck you under if things go wrong.
Also I don't feel very innocent, it's not like I've never done anything wrong, and it's not like I am still naive enough to believe everything's going to work out when everything points to it not working out. But you are right if things keep going wrong I will certainly be sucked under.....but there is not a whole lot to do about it.
why do you often get fired from jobs? is it because you simply cannot do them? or is it because you sometimes do not want to do them? are you sick often? are there days where you wake up and just want to go back to sleep and forget everything?
Because I'm too slow at doing them.......I take a while to process things, and under stress like if its a busy day I'm even slower because that is even more to process on top of being stressed out by sensory overload and just too much at once. Also I don't know how to normally socially interact so sometimes I might give the impression of being rude or just plain weird. Like last job I had was in a loud place so a few times when I went to ask a question to the person in charge I apparently walked away before they had finished without having any idea I had done that. So it usually I go to the job try my hardest to do what needs done......but its things like that I am not usually totally aware of or cannot help that end up building up till I lose the job.
no need to answer me, but maybe think about those questions and answer them to yourself.
motivation stems from life force. if you do not care if you die, then it is like those people who wound up in the freezing water when the titanic went down. maybe they saw a lifeboat a few hundred feet from them and maybe they simply thought that they could not bother to try to swim toward them because it was too hard. they died, but the people who did swim and put the effort in to it did not have to swim forever. they finally reached the boat and they got in and they warmed up and lived the rest of their lives.
Uhh another thing about how you have to try harder. I don't wanna be rude or anything but from my perspective I have been trying my hardest my entire life just push myself along and get through the days, weeks, months ect. all for things to continuously get worse and after a while its burnt me out. I mean it's not like I can just try harder and my life is going to improve if I tried or pushed myself any harder I would have a mental break down long before I will probably still have one anyways.
i think it is good to be alive while you are healthy. you can breathe easily and you are not afflicted with emphysema, and you can think clearly because you are not beset with alzheimers disease, and you have little chance of a heart attack or a stroke.
when a person is very old, and their body is failing, and their bones ache, i can understand that they may want to call it a day (a life), but for someone like you who has what every old person would give everything to have, to just give up and be sucked into the whirlpool is a tragedy.
I get back cramps and leg muscle cramps all the time because my backs a little screwed up for some reason, also depression can contribute to physical pain as well as anxiety and PTSD because if I'm on edge all the time like I tend to be its harder on my body. Then of course there is the lack of energy. Also, I can think clearly unless the depression, anxiety or PTSD symptoms are getting in the way which is actually quite often. For instance the other day I was getting ready to come home from my friends house on the bus and ended up getting off the bus and going back to his house because I was overcome with anxiety and a sudden feeling of 'I need to get off this bus right now!' that's not thinking clearly. So while I am not in as bad shape as very old people its not like I'm a healthy, young individual who's ready to grab the world by the balls and go somewhere in life........so much has already happened it that part of me existed it's dead and now all that's left is a burnt out person who'd like to simply figure out a way to survive so I can afford the basic nessecities and other things I either enjoy or that help with the constant mental pain. So I'll continue the job search I guess, and should not finding one trigger any sort of mental breakdown I guess when I end up in the psych ward maybe they'll finally realise maybe allowing me to get on disability would not be such a bad thing.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
11 Feb 2012, 1:04 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
I'm over sensitive, I complain too much, I don't know how to interact with people without f*cking everything up ect. But it could be I am just too depressed to see much good and yeah I sort of am a burden......Probably not to people here. But I sure as hell am not moved out of my moms house with a job and paying my own rent which indicates I need other people to provide me shelter and sometimes food because I can't on my own so yeah that=burden.
Also I realize if anyone tries to ridicule or anything they probably don't really understand but it does not make it any easier to deal with.
Also I realize if anyone tries to ridicule or anything they probably don't really understand but it does not make it any easier to deal with.
Unfortunately not knowing you in person I cannot comment on the things you list. Simply put, it wasn't that long ago when it was very unusual for a woman to move out of her parents house unless she was getting married or going to school... So I think thats something your culture is telling you is wrong but isn't really..
I'm not trying to convince you of any of this, I'm just laying it out how I see it, you have to work through your problems as best you can. This of course doesn't make any of it any easier to deal with.
I wish I had an easy answer for you.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
11 Feb 2012, 1:08 pm
rabbittss wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I'm over sensitive, I complain too much, I don't know how to interact with people without f*cking everything up ect. But it could be I am just too depressed to see much good and yeah I sort of am a burden......Probably not to people here. But I sure as hell am not moved out of my moms house with a job and paying my own rent which indicates I need other people to provide me shelter and sometimes food because I can't on my own so yeah that=burden.
Also I realize if anyone tries to ridicule or anything they probably don't really understand but it does not make it any easier to deal with.
Also I realize if anyone tries to ridicule or anything they probably don't really understand but it does not make it any easier to deal with.
Unfortunately not knowing you in person I cannot comment on the things you list. Simply put, it wasn't that long ago when it was very unusual for a woman to move out of her parents house unless she was getting married or going to school... So I think thats something your culture is telling you is wrong but isn't really..
I'm not trying to convince you of any of this, I'm just laying it out how I see it, you have to work through your problems as best you can. This of course doesn't make any of it any easier to deal with.
I wish I had an easy answer for you.
Well I certainly understand that.......I am just saying the fact I can't see a lot of good things about me, does not help with the trying to feel better about myself thing. but thanks for trying to help and all.........but yeah like I said I can't really hold anyone's in-ability to help me against them it's just gotten to that point and hell I almost don't even want to post about how I feel because now I am getting paranoid it will just upset people, make them sad, depress them whatever and if no one can help me anyways I should just shut the hell up probably.......too bad venting helps.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
11 Feb 2012, 1:29 pm
I like that you complain, Sweetleaf, it is healthy. You have your own mind and use it in expressing yourself. As for being sensitive, that is as much to do with other people being insensitive imo. Your posts seem to have been growing in assertiveness and I enjoy them. Please excuse me if you feel I have tormented you at all, it has never been my intention.
We live in a society, and there is some responsibility to look after other members of our society. I sometimes do voluntary work with people more disabled than I, but I never consider those people a burden. They are a lot nicer than people who would consider them a burden on society.
I have problems with my thoracic spine, and do exercises like the one described here. I feel more energised after doing these than following any other routine. It is not appropriate for lower back problems, and the tennis balls should not be further down the spine than where full ribs that are attached to the spine are also attached to the sternum. There are some floating ribs lower down the spine and the tennis balls should not be used where these protrude from, or any lower.
Depression and PTSD make it very difficult for me to function also. I empathise with your situation.
_________________
'You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir,' said Alice. 'Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?'
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
11 Feb 2012, 1:39 pm
Orr wrote:
I like that you complain, Sweetleaf, it is healthy. You have your own mind and use it in expressing yourself. As for being sensitive, that is as much to do with other people being insensitive imo. Your posts seem to have been growing in assertiveness and I enjoy them. Please excuse me if you feel I have tormented you at all, it has never been my intention.
We live in a society, and there is some responsibility to look after other members of our society. I sometimes do voluntary work with people more disabled than I, but I never consider those people a burden. They are a lot nicer than people who would consider them a burden on society.
I have problems with my thoracic spine, and do exercises like the one described here. I feel more energised after doing these than following any other routine. It is not appropriate for lower back problems, and the tennis balls should not be further down the spine than where full ribs that are attached to the spine are also attached to the sternum. There are some floating ribs lower down the spine and the tennis balls should not be used where these protrude from, or any lower.
Depression and PTSD make it very difficult for me to function also. I empathise with your situation.
We live in a society, and there is some responsibility to look after other members of our society. I sometimes do voluntary work with people more disabled than I, but I never consider those people a burden. They are a lot nicer than people who would consider them a burden on society.
I have problems with my thoracic spine, and do exercises like the one described here. I feel more energised after doing these than following any other routine. It is not appropriate for lower back problems, and the tennis balls should not be further down the spine than where full ribs that are attached to the spine are also attached to the sternum. There are some floating ribs lower down the spine and the tennis balls should not be used where these protrude from, or any lower.
Depression and PTSD make it very difficult for me to function also. I empathise with your situation.
Well yeah I guess it just gets to me what other people say......I mean I feel I don't really complain without good reason but I get down on myself about it because others have gotten on my ass about it more because they where not as effected by what I was complaining about so did not get that it was causing me legitimate discomfort for instance. But yeah I just wish I actually felt like there was some sort of guarantee of finding part time work, odd jobs or possibly getting on disability but it just seems like there is nothing to help ensure any of these things do happen but I'm still giving it a go.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
11 Feb 2012, 1:49 pm
nevermind....what the hell is the point of pretending that whats being said here is sinking in at all. I mean I just got done saying I feel like complaining I do is justified and why and all that. But then I turn around feeling totally useless and like maybe it is just me being over-sensitive simply because another poster decided to be a jerk to me. I mean if any self respect or half way decent feelings about myself can just dissolve that fast if someone says something hurtful.........I really am useless.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
11 Feb 2012, 3:03 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
nevermind....what the hell is the point of pretending that whats being said here is sinking in at all. I mean I just got done saying I feel like complaining I do is justified and why and all that. But then I turn around feeling totally useless and like maybe it is just me being over-sensitive simply because another poster decided to be a jerk to me. I mean if any self respect or half way decent feelings about myself can just dissolve that fast if someone says something hurtful.........I really am useless.
I am in many ways a clueless person, and I think a lot of the users of this site may be in their own particular ways. There is not a person on this forum who is superior to you. I believe that, when you have worked through your depression and PTSD, these feelings will have diminished, and that your abilities will flourish, but your sensitivity is in itself a useful ability. I have seen you challenge people on their comments, and I think you can benefit in doing so more. Sometimes people might be trying to upset you, sometimes not. There is no shame in having an emotional reaction. Perhaps wait until you have calmed down and try to examine why something hurts you before responding, but respond.
I lie awake at night, my head and body aching, and my mind is disturbed, but eventually I succumb to sleep. Sometimes I wake up on a morning and the depression and stress are already present. There was some respite though even when I only manage a couple of hours. All feelings are temporary.
It can be difficult, but hold on to whatever positive memory you can, and make yourself remember. It does not matter if it feels silly, or immature, or embarrassing, or even makes you a little sad. Things have changed now, and that happy memory is in the past, but you can bring it with you to the present and use it to alleviate your stress.
Have you tried any meditation yet?
_________________
'You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir,' said Alice. 'Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?'
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
11 Feb 2012, 3:13 pm
Orr wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
nevermind....what the hell is the point of pretending that whats being said here is sinking in at all. I mean I just got done saying I feel like complaining I do is justified and why and all that. But then I turn around feeling totally useless and like maybe it is just me being over-sensitive simply because another poster decided to be a jerk to me. I mean if any self respect or half way decent feelings about myself can just dissolve that fast if someone says something hurtful.........I really am useless.
I am in many ways a clueless person, and I think a lot of the users of this site may be in their own particular ways. There is not a person on this forum who is superior to you. I believe that, when you have worked through your depression and PTSD, these feelings will have diminished, and that your abilities will flourish, but your sensitivity is in itself a useful ability. I have seen you challenge people on their comments, and I think you can benefit in doing so more. Sometimes people might be trying to upset you, sometimes not. There is no shame in having an emotional reaction. Perhaps wait until you have calmed down and try to examine why something hurts you before responding, but respond.
I lie awake at night, my head and body aching, and my mind is disturbed, but eventually I succumb to sleep. Sometimes I wake up on a morning and the depression and stress are already present. There was some respite though even when I only manage a couple of hours. All feelings are temporary.
It can be difficult, but hold on to whatever positive memory you can, and make yourself remember. It does not matter if it feels silly, or immature, or embarrassing, or even makes you a little sad. Things have changed now, and that happy memory is in the past, but you can bring it with you to the present and use it to alleviate your stress.
Have you tried any meditation yet?
Alright well I shall keep that all in mind, but yeah today is just not a good day at all...and later what I have to look forward to is based on my challenging of certain comments today......everything I had to say will be dis-validated as me being wrong 100% the time and simply taking things too personally or seeing insults and judgement where it does not exist. I don't really know how to stand my ground when people start throwing the 'oh that's just what you think but there is no truth whatsoever to it.' I mean for all I know they are right and I'm just delusional.
_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.
11 Feb 2012, 10:11 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
Orr wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
nevermind....what the hell is the point of pretending that whats being said here is sinking in at all. I mean I just got done saying I feel like complaining I do is justified and why and all that. But then I turn around feeling totally useless and like maybe it is just me being over-sensitive simply because another poster decided to be a jerk to me. I mean if any self respect or half way decent feelings about myself can just dissolve that fast if someone says something hurtful.........I really am useless.
I am in many ways a clueless person, and I think a lot of the users of this site may be in their own particular ways. There is not a person on this forum who is superior to you. I believe that, when you have worked through your depression and PTSD, these feelings will have diminished, and that your abilities will flourish, but your sensitivity is in itself a useful ability. I have seen you challenge people on their comments, and I think you can benefit in doing so more. Sometimes people might be trying to upset you, sometimes not. There is no shame in having an emotional reaction. Perhaps wait until you have calmed down and try to examine why something hurts you before responding, but respond.
I lie awake at night, my head and body aching, and my mind is disturbed, but eventually I succumb to sleep. Sometimes I wake up on a morning and the depression and stress are already present. There was some respite though even when I only manage a couple of hours. All feelings are temporary.
It can be difficult, but hold on to whatever positive memory you can, and make yourself remember. It does not matter if it feels silly, or immature, or embarrassing, or even makes you a little sad. Things have changed now, and that happy memory is in the past, but you can bring it with you to the present and use it to alleviate your stress.
Have you tried any meditation yet?
Alright well I shall keep that all in mind, but yeah today is just not a good day at all...and later what I have to look forward to is based on my challenging of certain comments today......everything I had to say will be dis-validated as me being wrong 100% the time and simply taking things too personally or seeing insults and judgement where it does not exist. I don't really know how to stand my ground when people start throwing the 'oh that's just what you think but there is no truth whatsoever to it.' I mean for all I know they are right and I'm just delusional.
People cannot invalidate you when you tell them how you feel. They may try.
e.g. Wow! Sweetleaf, what you said in that last post really hurt my feelings.
Can you argue that you did not, without presuming to know me better than I know myself?
If someone disagrees with you on something, it is a matter of opinion. If you start a thread on here making what you feel is a valid point, it does not matter if 20 people reply vehemently disagreeing with you. Remember that this site is used by people who typically have very limited fields of interest. We still have opinions about some things that we know very little about, and sometimes present those opinions erroneously as fact.
For instance, the threads on weed( did you notice that I have a problem with this?). How much up to date research is referenced? Not much, but their is a lot of anecdotal evidence, which, while not without some value, I put less trust in than evidence presented by ongoing scientific research, freely available online.
_________________
'You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir,' said Alice. 'Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?'
12 Feb 2012, 10:51 am
Sweetleaf wrote:
b9 wrote:
i think there is always something you have not thought of yet, that when you think of it, it can provide enthusiasm. "enthusiasm" can not be pulled out of a hat as easily as a rabbit can.
if you have a printer and sticky tape, then maybe you can post signs on power poles that advertise that you are available to work.
I don't have either and I don't even know anywhere I am allowed to post signs....but for now I'm looking to apply online where possible and when it's not freezing out I'll actually go into places and ask for applications, problem is there is no guarantee anyone will hire me.
my girlfriend has been languishing about the fact that she is not qualified to do anything (she is mentally handicapped to a mild degree), and i wrack my mind to think of things that she could do.
i know these suggestions may not be of interest, but i will post them anyway.
there are many elderly people who are on the brink of having to go to a nursing home because they cannot care for themselves any more. i do not mean that they can not wipe their bottoms or shower, but they can not cook or clean or maintain their yards or go shopping for their groceries etc, and if you are in their local area, you may have success in being hired to do those activities for them. you are a girl, and elderly people trust girls that are honest.
if you stick posters on many poles that advertise your willingness to help them out, then even if they do not see those posters, maybe their kids (who consider it a chore to look after their parent) will.
maybe you would find that depressing however. i do not know.
Well that would not be too horrible, the problem would be trying to find such jobs.....I am not exactly the smartest person when it comes to knowing what resources to use and where to look for jobs and how to effectively apply and all that.
some people are employed by their local government in australia (i am not sure about the USA) to maintain parks and ovals (sports fields) by sitting on ride on lawn mowers and cutting the grass, and picking up sticks and stuff that fall onto the ground. i have seen many people doing jobs like that who are seemingly unemployable. i am not suggesting you are unemployable, but you suggest it, and i know that the parks and wildlife department look for disabled people to hire with priority.
there are jobs in bush regeneration projects (pulling out weeds and planting native australian plants in their place) which do not require supervision or interaction with other employees here in australia. those jobs are usually filled by people who are otherwise unemployable in the general workforce.
Well that might be an idea if I lived in Australia.
i notice that the postmen/women who put letters in my letterbox can be extremely feral looking and seem quite strange (i am saying this because i am trying to tell you that people much more insufficient than you have these types of employment) ride small motorbikes for about 3 hours per day while they deliver the mail.
3 hours per day does not seem that bad. they start at 11, and finish at 2. they get about $700 per week to do it, and i guess that is something.
maybe you should learn to drive if you can. courier jobs are always available, and workplace laws dictate that no parcel can be more than 12 kg that is required to be lifted. mostly, courier jobs just deliver small lightweight parcels to various locations.
I don't think I'd want to work for the postal service, and a driving job would be terrible for me........part of the reason I have not bothered getting a license is because I am worried I would get distracted to easily and too anxious if the traffic was bad so I don't think a job driving to put mail in peoples mail boxes would be a good idea.
i do not know how savage things are in america, and i am talking with reference to how things are in australia.
if you advertise in your local area to simply clean people's houses, then because their houses need only be cleaned 1 day per week (unless they are grotty(in which case you would not accept them)), then you can choose 7 - 10 people to limit your work time to 1-2 days per week. i pay my cleaner $50 to do the vacuuming and general cleaning, and she is finished in about an hour (because i do not make much mess). if you have 10 people paying you $50 to clean their house, and if it takes only 1 hour at each persons house, then you can get $500 per week for 1 big days work, or for 2 small days work. they usually have their own vacuum cleaners as well which would mean you do not have to buy a vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I would not be opposed to that, but then it's figuring out where to post ads which I don't know where to do that.
i do not really know how to help you, but i wish i could. you seem like an innocent person to me, and it is sad to see you are swimming around a whirlpool that may suck you under if things go wrong.
Also I don't feel very innocent, it's not like I've never done anything wrong, and it's not like I am still naive enough to believe everything's going to work out when everything points to it not working out. But you are right if things keep going wrong I will certainly be sucked under.....but there is not a whole lot to do about it.
why do you often get fired from jobs? is it because you simply cannot do them? or is it because you sometimes do not want to do them? are you sick often? are there days where you wake up and just want to go back to sleep and forget everything?
Because I'm too slow at doing them.......I take a while to process things, and under stress like if its a busy day I'm even slower because that is even more to process on top of being stressed out by sensory overload and just too much at once. Also I don't know how to normally socially interact so sometimes I might give the impression of being rude or just plain weird. Like last job I had was in a loud place so a few times when I went to ask a question to the person in charge I apparently walked away before they had finished without having any idea I had done that. So it usually I go to the job try my hardest to do what needs done......but its things like that I am not usually totally aware of or cannot help that end up building up till I lose the job.
no need to answer me, but maybe think about those questions and answer them to yourself.
motivation stems from life force. if you do not care if you die, then it is like those people who wound up in the freezing water when the titanic went down. maybe they saw a lifeboat a few hundred feet from them and maybe they simply thought that they could not bother to try to swim toward them because it was too hard. they died, but the people who did swim and put the effort in to it did not have to swim forever. they finally reached the boat and they got in and they warmed up and lived the rest of their lives.
Uhh another thing about how you have to try harder. I don't wanna be rude or anything but from my perspective I have been trying my hardest my entire life just push myself along and get through the days, weeks, months ect. all for things to continuously get worse and after a while its burnt me out. I mean it's not like I can just try harder and my life is going to improve if I tried or pushed myself any harder I would have a mental break down long before I will probably still have one anyways.
i think it is good to be alive while you are healthy. you can breathe easily and you are not afflicted with emphysema, and you can think clearly because you are not beset with alzheimers disease, and you have little chance of a heart attack or a stroke.
when a person is very old, and their body is failing, and their bones ache, i can understand that they may want to call it a day (a life), but for someone like you who has what every old person would give everything to have, to just give up and be sucked into the whirlpool is a tragedy.
if you have a printer and sticky tape, then maybe you can post signs on power poles that advertise that you are available to work.
I don't have either and I don't even know anywhere I am allowed to post signs....but for now I'm looking to apply online where possible and when it's not freezing out I'll actually go into places and ask for applications, problem is there is no guarantee anyone will hire me.
my girlfriend has been languishing about the fact that she is not qualified to do anything (she is mentally handicapped to a mild degree), and i wrack my mind to think of things that she could do.
i know these suggestions may not be of interest, but i will post them anyway.
there are many elderly people who are on the brink of having to go to a nursing home because they cannot care for themselves any more. i do not mean that they can not wipe their bottoms or shower, but they can not cook or clean or maintain their yards or go shopping for their groceries etc, and if you are in their local area, you may have success in being hired to do those activities for them. you are a girl, and elderly people trust girls that are honest.
if you stick posters on many poles that advertise your willingness to help them out, then even if they do not see those posters, maybe their kids (who consider it a chore to look after their parent) will.
maybe you would find that depressing however. i do not know.
Well that would not be too horrible, the problem would be trying to find such jobs.....I am not exactly the smartest person when it comes to knowing what resources to use and where to look for jobs and how to effectively apply and all that.
some people are employed by their local government in australia (i am not sure about the USA) to maintain parks and ovals (sports fields) by sitting on ride on lawn mowers and cutting the grass, and picking up sticks and stuff that fall onto the ground. i have seen many people doing jobs like that who are seemingly unemployable. i am not suggesting you are unemployable, but you suggest it, and i know that the parks and wildlife department look for disabled people to hire with priority.
there are jobs in bush regeneration projects (pulling out weeds and planting native australian plants in their place) which do not require supervision or interaction with other employees here in australia. those jobs are usually filled by people who are otherwise unemployable in the general workforce.
Well that might be an idea if I lived in Australia.
i notice that the postmen/women who put letters in my letterbox can be extremely feral looking and seem quite strange (i am saying this because i am trying to tell you that people much more insufficient than you have these types of employment) ride small motorbikes for about 3 hours per day while they deliver the mail.
3 hours per day does not seem that bad. they start at 11, and finish at 2. they get about $700 per week to do it, and i guess that is something.
maybe you should learn to drive if you can. courier jobs are always available, and workplace laws dictate that no parcel can be more than 12 kg that is required to be lifted. mostly, courier jobs just deliver small lightweight parcels to various locations.
I don't think I'd want to work for the postal service, and a driving job would be terrible for me........part of the reason I have not bothered getting a license is because I am worried I would get distracted to easily and too anxious if the traffic was bad so I don't think a job driving to put mail in peoples mail boxes would be a good idea.
i do not know how savage things are in america, and i am talking with reference to how things are in australia.
if you advertise in your local area to simply clean people's houses, then because their houses need only be cleaned 1 day per week (unless they are grotty(in which case you would not accept them)), then you can choose 7 - 10 people to limit your work time to 1-2 days per week. i pay my cleaner $50 to do the vacuuming and general cleaning, and she is finished in about an hour (because i do not make much mess). if you have 10 people paying you $50 to clean their house, and if it takes only 1 hour at each persons house, then you can get $500 per week for 1 big days work, or for 2 small days work. they usually have their own vacuum cleaners as well which would mean you do not have to buy a vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I would not be opposed to that, but then it's figuring out where to post ads which I don't know where to do that.
i do not really know how to help you, but i wish i could. you seem like an innocent person to me, and it is sad to see you are swimming around a whirlpool that may suck you under if things go wrong.
Also I don't feel very innocent, it's not like I've never done anything wrong, and it's not like I am still naive enough to believe everything's going to work out when everything points to it not working out. But you are right if things keep going wrong I will certainly be sucked under.....but there is not a whole lot to do about it.
why do you often get fired from jobs? is it because you simply cannot do them? or is it because you sometimes do not want to do them? are you sick often? are there days where you wake up and just want to go back to sleep and forget everything?
Because I'm too slow at doing them.......I take a while to process things, and under stress like if its a busy day I'm even slower because that is even more to process on top of being stressed out by sensory overload and just too much at once. Also I don't know how to normally socially interact so sometimes I might give the impression of being rude or just plain weird. Like last job I had was in a loud place so a few times when I went to ask a question to the person in charge I apparently walked away before they had finished without having any idea I had done that. So it usually I go to the job try my hardest to do what needs done......but its things like that I am not usually totally aware of or cannot help that end up building up till I lose the job.
no need to answer me, but maybe think about those questions and answer them to yourself.
motivation stems from life force. if you do not care if you die, then it is like those people who wound up in the freezing water when the titanic went down. maybe they saw a lifeboat a few hundred feet from them and maybe they simply thought that they could not bother to try to swim toward them because it was too hard. they died, but the people who did swim and put the effort in to it did not have to swim forever. they finally reached the boat and they got in and they warmed up and lived the rest of their lives.
Uhh another thing about how you have to try harder. I don't wanna be rude or anything but from my perspective I have been trying my hardest my entire life just push myself along and get through the days, weeks, months ect. all for things to continuously get worse and after a while its burnt me out. I mean it's not like I can just try harder and my life is going to improve if I tried or pushed myself any harder I would have a mental break down long before I will probably still have one anyways.
i think it is good to be alive while you are healthy. you can breathe easily and you are not afflicted with emphysema, and you can think clearly because you are not beset with alzheimers disease, and you have little chance of a heart attack or a stroke.
when a person is very old, and their body is failing, and their bones ache, i can understand that they may want to call it a day (a life), but for someone like you who has what every old person would give everything to have, to just give up and be sucked into the whirlpool is a tragedy.
I get back cramps and leg muscle cramps all the time because my backs a little screwed up for some reason, also depression can contribute to physical pain as well as anxiety and PTSD because if I'm on edge all the time like I tend to be its harder on my body. Then of course there is the lack of energy. Also, I can think clearly unless the depression, anxiety or PTSD symptoms are getting in the way which is actually quite often. For instance the other day I was getting ready to come home from my friends house on the bus and ended up getting off the bus and going back to his house because I was overcome with anxiety and a sudden feeling of 'I need to get off this bus right now!' that's not thinking clearly. So while I am not in as bad shape as very old people its not like I'm a healthy, young individual who's ready to grab the world by the balls and go somewhere in life........so much has already happened it that part of me existed it's dead and now all that's left is a burnt out person who'd like to simply figure out a way to survive so I can afford the basic nessecities and other things I either enjoy or that help with the constant mental pain. So I'll continue the job search I guess, and should not finding one trigger any sort of mental breakdown I guess when I end up in the psych ward maybe they'll finally realise maybe allowing me to get on disability would not be such a bad thing.
i hope things work out for you. i really do.
i have no further suggestions, and i just hope you find your way to security and happiness.
