(C-)PTSD Thread

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I don't know if anything ever happened to my mum, but I wouldn't be surprised. I don't think it would have been her father but who knows. She's made references to having a very difficult childhood and a very strict upbringing from her dad the Mason and her older brother (also a Mason, actually -- not that Mason means anything necessarily.)

My daughter doesn't seem to remember this event. She remembers police and having a personal social worker at school but she seems to think it had something to do with my divorce from her dad. It did, actually, but I don't think she remembers that it was an SA situation. She got an eating disorder, an Attachment Disorder, started bed soiling, and had all the signs, but police decided not to press charges. It's just as well she doesn't remember.

I know my biological father was physically, sexually, and emotionally and verbally abused. He had so many step parents, and none of them were good to the family.

((( Colliegrace))) (((TwilightPrincess))) ((( Isabella)))...hurts me mentally and emotionally to know that you guys went through what you did. had they gotten convicted and spent in Jail ..and most times jailers may share with other prisoners ,what or why they are in ...And generally as I have been told other prisoners treat child abuser , especial SA , quite harshly . Was told they are made to be others prisons b*****s and get to experience a similiar SA
during their time in . And defo sounds like you guys were drugged .
Yes forgiveness ...maybe absolutely impossible inmany C PTSD and serious PTSD EXPERIENCES.
but if any understanding could be had ...it marginally can eventually allow you, ( in some instances) to try to get on with life. As best you can, and occassionally Aspie perserveration can distract you temporarily . But seems a permanent mental damage ( some cases physical too) can last till death From having spoken to other much older women than me . But have noticed good reports regarding the effects of some Ahuyaska( spelling) or other things
psycho hallucinagens that lend a giant over worldly understanding of your place in the world and others..
[ but am not sure , i want that , ] those memories are bad deep scars that left me learnings . And perhaps living with that hate can be destructive . But if hate has energy and energy does exist , maybe somehow someway,that energy
will cause the Friggin Monsters some kind of karmic effect ? Personally after my own events had to go to grass
and the periodic stiff drink or two to cope,when i learned that could help, with certain Life events and triggers . Sometimes not just daily but hourly ..had to occassionally fight not to have those past experiences leak into daily relationships .And life ending thoughts.For the pain and knowledge was just too hard to live with. Often noticed that daily my father at his desk towards the end of the business day as he got older would have a few shots of very cold vodka..regularily .And wondered since I was a health nut of sorts , WHY? . Figured it out as I got older .Coping skills come in many forms .
Dad was one of those greatest generation people,born in 1905 .Lovely thing was that I was never addictive type person,idk why??. But never got habitually into anything . Except a few hobbies of sorts. And Sleep .

^ Thanks

I was thinking about humor today. There was no humor to be found on the worst day of my life, but sometimes I found some in awful situations.

Once, my husband locked me in the bedroom until I would agree to give him sex. Nothing sets the mood like being locked in a room.

Anyway, when he locked me in, I remember thinking: “I wish he would’ve let me know that he was going to go psycho today. I would’ve made sure to use the bathroom first.”

No. I held it.

Woke up at 5:30 this morning seriously believing that I was 14 years old. Planned out my day accordingly. School, what I was going to wear and how I was going to wear it. Also planned out how I was going to retaliate towards my mother if she decides to beat me up.

I slowly started to come back to the here and now.

I have dissociative amnesia from trauma so this is how my memories sometimes come back to me. It's really weird because I don't even remember my mother beating me even though I know she was extremely violent but during this particular episode there is no doubt in my mind that I was being beaten and I was planning how I was going to get her back.

I see this as a breakthrough but it's really tough going and I know it will happen again tomorrow and the next day etc etc...

{{{ hugs }}}

That must be SO disturbing! It certainly sounds like a breakthrough, though. I've not experienced dissociative amnesia, but I know how difficult it is when repressed memories come to the surface...

It's a weird feeling. It's only started happening since I've been in therapy so part of me must feel safe enough to start remembering stuff.

I'm glad you found a good therapist you can connect with. I might give therapy a try at some point again in the future. So far, I've not found someone a feel completely comfortable for some reason. It's not their fault or anything. I think it's just me.

Yeah I've been pretty lucky with him. We made a deal on our very first meeting that we would both be honest with each other no matter whether it be good or bad and we still make deals each time we meet up now and I have seen him almost every week for a year. It's a team effort I suppose.

I didn't sleep well last night which negatively impacted my whole day. I thought I only had insomnia, but I just now remembered (now that it's time for me to go to bed) that I had a nightmare last night. I think that's what f****d up my sleep and my whole day. Trauma can really mess with your memory. Blocking things out becomes a pattern. Early this morning, I had some suicidal thoughts which made me research suicidal thinking among victims of rape. I usually have some suicidal ideation every day, but it was worse than usual this morning.

{{{ hugs tp }}}

I hope you get a better sleep tonight without any bad dreams.

I know all too well how easy it is to think about SH with CPTSD.

Please Take Care TP .... ..Too many aspies have already passed on already at their own hands in the Past. ...

Yeah take it easy.