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Seriously, why is there so much Misogyny on WrongPlanet?!

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Rexi
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28 Mar 2023, 8:07 am

cyberdad wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
My theory (or whatever it is, for lack of a better term) is that a lot of guys who post these kind of threads are just more upset that they cannot have a physical aspect of a relationship more than an emotional one. That's what they seem to care about the most, what they can get to get off, so to speak. A woman is just a device for selfish whims.


Rexi wrote:
Women hate incels and incels hate women, .


I find these comments offensive on behalf of the 33% of young cis-men who are never going to have a relationship with a woman, the vast majority of whom are decent and don't look at women as objects and have nothing to do with incel culture

You know what I mean, this thread is not about the kind of men you're thinking of.

I used incel to define involuntarily celibate but incel ideology can indeed be unhealthy in the forums dedicated to involuntarily celibate men, which triggered mass shootings.

incel
/ˈɪnsɛl/
noun
noun: incel; plural noun: incels
a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile towards women and men who are sexually active.
"self-identified incels have used the internet to find anonymous support"

I get it, I'll stop. I'll use involuntarily celibate, if you have short suggestions I'd like to hear them.


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Last edited by Cornflake on 28 Mar 2023, 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.: Removed a personal attack

Rexi
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28 Mar 2023, 8:29 am

How about "some single men"? I mean it's not uncommon for people to not get dates in general because dating is a long process with a lot of lack of success.


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Rexi
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28 Mar 2023, 8:33 am

Sorry Cornflake, I have nothing against his habits or him right now. I should of not said that though. I actually wanted to say I like what he suggested.
He talked about it on wp, it was a joke but not suited for wp.


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Last edited by Rexi on 28 Mar 2023, 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

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28 Mar 2023, 8:35 am

^ Thanks for your understanding. :thumright:


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Rexi
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28 Mar 2023, 8:37 am

Cornflake wrote:
^ Thanks for your understanding. :thumright:

:mrgreen: of course.


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28 Mar 2023, 8:47 am

Sorry for double posting, not sure if it went through.

cyberdad wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
My theory (or whatever it is, for lack of a better term) is that a lot of guys who post these kind of threads are just more upset that they cannot have a physical aspect of a relationship more than an emotional one. That's what they seem to care about the most, what they can get to get off, so to speak. A woman is just a device for selfish whims.


Rexi wrote:
Women hate incels and incels hate women, .


I find these comments offensive on behalf of the 33% of young cis-men who are never going to have a relationship with a woman, the vast majority of whom are decent and don't look at women as objects and have nothing to do with incel culture


I'm not going to start a fight with you, because you really seem like you want to start one with me, and with my other initial comment about how men in relationships make weird posts about women. It's true. I find it weird that if you [in a general sense, not directed] make posts about how men and women are horrible people and are ruining relationships, despite being in a committed relationship. I don't see the angle of "oh this is just me helping people" and then posting clickbaiting articles or writing harsh statements, as I've seen in L&D. It is divisive, and feeds into confirmation bias of how people are. That kind of mentally is not good for anyone. Like what's the point? I'm allowed to say what I want. You're allowed to say what you want. We both are subjected to opinions of others whether we like it or not because we are posting in a public forum.

I did drink last night, and I can be more blunt/harsh, but am I entire wrong to say what I said? No. I am not aiming at the 33% single men. It was a response to Pepe about men who don't want a relationship other than for something physical. I'm not pulling it out of thin air because I'm an angry feminist. It's truthful. Are the men who seek physical more than emotional wrong? No, everyone wants to be held and loved. Again, aiming at the guys who just think sex is a one way ticket to happiness.

This will be my last comment because I can be harsh when I'm saying how I feel, and the things I've seen here. I do not want the thread to be locked due my comments. They skew to being misandrist, and I can admit that. I apologise. That's how I have experienced men, and what I've seen both IRL and offline. I should look at how I am presenting words better.

But that doesn't mean I'll hold back if I see something that's clearly offensive or stupid.


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Rexi
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28 Mar 2023, 8:54 am

honeytoast wrote:
Sorry for double posting, not sure if it went through.

cyberdad wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
My theory (or whatever it is, for lack of a better term) is that a lot of guys who post these kind of threads are just more upset that they cannot have a physical aspect of a relationship more than an emotional one. That's what they seem to care about the most, what they can get to get off, so to speak. A woman is just a device for selfish whims.


Rexi wrote:
Women hate incels and incels hate women, .


I find these comments offensive on behalf of the 33% of young cis-men who are never going to have a relationship with a woman, the vast majority of whom are decent and don't look at women as objects and have nothing to do with incel culture


I'm not going to start a fight with you, because you really seem like you want to start one with me, and with my other initial comment about how men in relationships make weird posts about women. It's true. I find it weird that if you [in a general sense, not directed] make posts about how men and women are horrible people and are ruining relationships, despite being in a committed relationship. I don't see the angle of "oh this is just me helping people" and then posting clickbaiting articles or writing harsh statements, as I've seen in L&D. It is divisive, and feeds into confirmation bias of how people are. That kind of mentally is not good for anyone. Like what's the point? I'm allowed to say what I want. You're allowed to say what you want. We both are subjected to opinions of others whether we like it or not because we are posting in a public forum.

I did drink last night, and I can be more blunt/harsh, but am I entire wrong to say what I said? No. I am not aiming at the 33% single men. It was a response to Pepe about men who don't want a relationship other than for something physical. I'm not pulling it out of thin air because I'm an angry feminist. It's truthful. Are the men who seek physical more than emotional wrong? No, everyone wants to be held and loved. Again, aiming at the guys who just think sex is a one way ticket to happiness.

This will be my last comment because I can be harsh when I'm saying how I feel, and the things I've seen here. I do not want the thread to be locked due my comments. They skew to being misandrist, and I can admit that. I apologise. That's how I have experienced men, and what I've seen both IRL and offline. I should look at how I am presenting words better.

But that doesn't mean I'll hold back if I see something that's clearly offensive or stupid.

It's okay. Would you like to hear my opinion on a thing right now?


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Rexi
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28 Mar 2023, 9:25 am

Hm, you're faster than me. I just remembered jokes in the haven aren't allowed and checked to see if it's the haven. I was clicking the X when I got a message "this post doesn't exist" :P


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28 Mar 2023, 9:29 am

Recidivist wrote:
Sometimes I see posters who seem coherent the majority of the time suddenly have mush for brains , and it's usually because of an inflammatory topic. This post is not aimed at anyone particular in the cyberverse.


I can come across as intelligent in my posts due to my writing style but believe me I'm not as intelligent as I may sound. I have a hard time learning, understanding and remembering facts.


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28 Mar 2023, 9:33 am

In the past, lot's of people in L & D forum were accused of being misogynist just for lacking the social skills to get a relationship and continually asking for advice when the advice given to them didn't work. An explosion of actual misogyny started 10 years ago as a backlash to this trend. That's when it actually increased. I don't see that much misogyny in the L&D forums these days though. There aren't that many threads on the current front page of the L&D forum that look misogynistic to me.



Rexi
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28 Mar 2023, 11:22 am

Jono wrote:
In the past, lot's of people in L & D forum were accused of being misogynist just for lacking the social skills to get a relationship and continually asking for advice when the advice given to them didn't work. An explosion of actual misogyny started 10 years ago as a backlash to this trend. That's when it actually increased. I don't see that much misogyny in the L&D forums these days though. There aren't that many threads on the current front page of the L&D forum that look misogynistic to me.

I agree with everything, and hard true misogyny is different I think. Not to mention we shouldn't be saying anything like that about one another.


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Last edited by Rexi on 28 Mar 2023, 12:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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28 Mar 2023, 11:29 am

MaxE wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Sometimes I see posters who seem coherent the majority of the time suddenly have mush for brains , and it's usually because of an inflammatory topic. This post is not aimed at anyone particular in the cyberverse.

Many people on this site are damaged from life experience and confronting them is futile. At the same time they should be allowed to post as they wish if doing so doesn’t make this community less safe. It's up to the mods to oversee this process however the mods don't report to me so my observation is probably also futile.

People have good points at times, not generalized ideas but yeah. Lots of friendships/relationships aren't top notch or what everybody desires. It's human beans.

I agree, if people don't let mods deal with it and they don't realize how they are replying they are ruining wp's reputation like it used to happen. Mods will lose credibility to the same type of people when warnings/bans are sent in to the people who were provoked in one way or the other. That's why there's this crowd of people losing trust or quitting, of some beliefs: right-wing, center, male.

If people stop trusting the mods it's a big deal for that group.

So then, it is better to be aware and careful how we reply especially to sensitive matters and avoid backseat modding as much as possible. Backseat modders won't be equal to everyone or abide by wp rules, they have their bias due to clashing opinions. Wp mods have to be fair and lack bias.


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Last edited by Rexi on 28 Mar 2023, 12:18 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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28 Mar 2023, 11:48 am

Joe90 wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Sometimes I see posters who seem coherent the majority of the time suddenly have mush for brains , and it's usually because of an inflammatory topic. This post is not aimed at anyone particular in the cyberverse.


I can come across as intelligent in my posts due to my writing style but believe me I'm not as intelligent as I may sound. I have a hard time learning, understanding and remembering facts.

Well, particularly autistic people have downsides but what you describe is no big deal to me, in the sense I think it's common and wouldn't define how smart (or dumb) someone is. :mrgreen: imo autistic people are amazing regardless of having trouble with certain parts of iq tests such as maths for example.

Then again opinions are personal, and everyone's smart and dumb for agreeing/disagreeing in somebody else's opinion at points. Fortunately certain views like religion even though I'm an atheist I can acknowledge somebody's been smart even if ultimately religious.

Certain religious debates seem super neat for people, in the sense nobody reports anything, they're just explaining their views, even if it gets a little rough. I think people are enjoying that and don't take things personally and that makes me happy. People are basically exchanging ideas.


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28 Mar 2023, 1:53 pm

Also, some forms of racism can be complex, so what's racism to one person might not be racism to another. I've learnt that the hard way here.

I sometimes wish some things were more...impartial, shall I say. Having rules in place that suit everyone is crucial, such as not allowing personal attacks or grooming or hate speech views on a group of people. It's more like common sense and can easily be learned even by the more socially deficient. But more complex things that may or may not be that malicious depending on which way one looks at it where viewpoint can vary depending on a person's culture, age, gender, race, etc etc, should be allowed to be voiced if it's like matter-of-fact statements in a discussion. Meaning people shouldn't have to feel nervous or hesitant to have their own views or opinions.

Here's an analogy of what I mean, using giraffes as not to offend any groups of people even though it may sound a bit too simplistic:-

"I hate giraffes - they should die!" = Offensive, hate speech
"You're such a giraffe!" = Insult, personal attack
"I feel that giraffes are too tall" = Harmless opinion that needn't be taken personally


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28 Mar 2023, 2:46 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Having rules in place that suit everyone is crucial, such as not allowing personal attacks or grooming or hate speech views on a group of people. It's more like common sense and can easily be learned even by the more socially deficient.


While I agree that you can learn fairly quickly and easily what is a personal attack or hate speech. Grooming is such a devious manipulative tactic that almost anyone can be groomed. There are plenty of intelligent, functional people who get sucked into abusive relationships. But knowledge is power and the more you learn about the tactics used and how they are used the safer you'll be. Have you read the links on the thread posted by Walrus - very useful.


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28 Mar 2023, 3:27 pm

Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Having rules in place that suit everyone is crucial, such as not allowing personal attacks or grooming or hate speech views on a group of people. It's more like common sense and can easily be learned even by the more socially deficient.


While I agree that you can learn fairly quickly and easily what is a personal attack or hate speech. Grooming is such a devious manipulative tactic that almost anyone can be groomed. There are plenty of intelligent, functional people who get sucked into abusive relationships. But knowledge is power and the more you learn about the tactics used and how they are used the safer you'll be. Have you read the links on the thread posted by Walrus - very useful.


Agreed. The problem with grooming is that it doesn't feel abusive when it's happening. It actually feels good, because they build up your self-esteem and feelings of trust before chipping it all away in caustic, insidious acts of abuse. Even then it's hard to know WTF's happening because they'll gaslight you, and say it's all your imagination.

They don't call them "groomers" without just cause. When you take your pet to a groomer it comes back looking and feeling better than the way it started. It will be happy and excited with a nice little bow on top.

Everyone likes a groomer, don't they?


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