It's starting to get to the point where...

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...I just don't give a crap anymore.

I don't care if I die soon...or if I die when I'm 80...or if I go to jail for something stupid...or if I kill somebody

I don't even care if I fail to accomplish any of my goals or dreams... or if I have to live at home and deal with my parents s**t for the rest of my life...or get a ret*d job at a place I shouldn't be working at to begin with. Clearly my parents remain convinced that my AS is just an excuse. I don't even care if they kick me out and I remain homeless or develop a drug habit (that would be a waste, a drug habit won't kill me fast enough unless I decide to not pay a drug dealer, ha!)

Hopefully I will get to the point where I don't care about running into people who made my life miserable...as being stuck in this city is bound to cause me to do.

The only thing I wish for is for a quicker reaction to people's s**t so that I can provide the proper response that I want to respond. Also, I need to get rid of my sensitive emotional overload...the kind where the slightest insult makes me wanna cry or something like that. That pisses me off. But enough years of putting up with this s**t and years of coming to terms with the fact that I will never develop an ability to care enough...I'd rather not care about anything. My damn emotional overload trigger doesn't mean s**t.

At least I will calm down about everything now. I won't psycho over the fact that I won't have much of a life. If I eat enough of the bad stuff I am eating now, I should run out the clock easily without it making it look like a suicide. Heh

you still live at home? i'd love to not be living entirely alone.
i was kicked out at 17 & i'm still here..

Sometimes I feel the same way, but I'm sure there's something worth living for. Just hang in there.

It sounds like you're hardening yourself. Some people may think this is a bad thing, but I believe, at least as a temporary state of mind, it can be very positive in the long run.

Hopefully, by truly not caring about outcomes, you will eventually become more objective in difficult situations or in instances where you do not succeed, and instead of dwelling on outcomes you will instinctively deal with sh*t by exploring alternative courses of action.

Just don't get stuck in this mindset (obviously easier said than done, but...) Use it to your advantage, see it as personal evolution, and embrace the next phase as soon as you can see it coming.

Sometimes I feel like that too. However I eat so balanced that nutrition based depression is hardly an issue for me. I can analyze my existential crisis from an elevated state of mind. I've also given up on life but I can accept it without feeling frustrated. I humble myself before the mystery of existence.

I know how you feel, RBI. A long, long time ago I decided that it wouldn't make any difference in my life if I had a criminal record or not, because I don't want some high-end job where they do a background check anyway. I can just go on disability, which I qualify for.

I'm gonna see if I can qualify for disability too. I've requested records from the place that diagnosed me with AS seven years ago with all the confirmed information that could help me. My parents would murder me if they knew I was doing this cause they would think I was cheating or being lazy (plus they're Republicans )

i feel like this often. i get so frustrated that i basically give the middle finger to the world and completely shut myself off. then i inevitably get lonely and try to come crawling back.

Raised it does suck to have Republicas in your own family, and I wish you luck in getting disability. So much stress in your life. When you talk it all out on the forum and feel a little better or not, maybe you'd liked to peak into the Random section I mean the "How much do you want to.." thread