Am I irrational or insane?

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I love my boyfriend "Stan", but something is taking me over trying to make me hate him, but I never hate him. My parents say that's nonsense, that I really hate him, without even trying to figure out what I mean when I say that. Now I hate their guts. Anyway, I don't hate him; I just hate the way something is deceiving me into thinking he treats me like. Apparently, he thinks everything I say is nonsense, irrational, illogical, not sensible. Stan always tells me "It doesn't work like that." He thinks he knows it all, but he doesn't. He's basically like, "I know better than you, so listen to me." It would just mean so much to me for him to tell me just once that he knows exactly what I mean, or that what I say makes perfect sense and is a sensible, rational reaction to the world around me. I chose him becauuse he was so smart and competent and rational and logical. But I thought he would treat me like I was competent and rational and logical too. But he didn't. When I told him most of this on the phone, he said that he thought that I thought I was irrational and illogical and incompetent and he said he found me smart, that I know a lot of things. But all my knowledge is useless unless I want to write books on it. I know a lot about Auschwitz, but they probably only take Jewish tour guides at Auschwitz, so my knowledge about it is useless unless I want to write a book. I know a lot about the Judge Rotenberg Center, but it's next to impossible to storm that place. I know a lot about airport security, but you can't really make a living as a baggage handler or a passenger or cargo screener or a supervisor or security guard. I know a lot about Myst, but I don't care to learn programming and I was banned from the whole Myst community. I know a lot about America's Most Wanted and some fugitives and missing persons, but I'm not interested in that anymore. I know a bit about morgues, but how do I go about getting a job in a morgue? "Hi, is this the Ben Taub General Hospital? Do you know if there are any openings for morgue attendants?" Anyway, Stan also said he thinks I think very well, but then he says that sometimes my thinking is disordered. That's basically saying that I don't think well.


Oh, and some normal job or normal career isn't going to do it for me. I don't want to just go from being considered irrational to being considred just normal. I want to be seen as better than normal, to make up for the time I was miserable being seen as worse than normal. I don't want to be a normal person and I don't want a normal life. I want an exciting, extraordinary life.

Ana, you want validation that Stan will not deliver. I've been on the other side of that relationship. It's not that you hate him, it's that you desperately need him to provide validation, right? If he can't do it, find someone else who can. Tell him this. If he can't understand it in those terms, dump him.

In many ways, I have an extraordinary life. (Message me if you don't believe me and want details.) It's not all that great.

I travel. I get paid well. And I'm frequently miserable. All I want is for a woman whom I love to look into my eyes and say, "I love you." To accept my foibles and shortcomings, my eccentricities.

I can see why you're feeling annoyed at Stan, but from what you say, it sounds like a failing on his part not yours. I've met several know-it-all people (my mum can be a bit like this ) and whilst they're great support and you can feel safe around them, the down side is that occasionally you have to remind them that you're not a 3-year old.

He probably doesn't realise he's patronising you at all: getting angry might not work. I find with a friend of mine, over-exagerating their attitude back to them can work (but be careful of over-using this technique as it can be very annoying).

If nothing works, just roll your eyes and remind yourself that he is a nice person and does have good qualities, just this one happens tp drive you insane.

Last resort, I guess you guys could always take a break from each other: for you to find yourself, and him to realise that you can cope on your own. As ViperaAspis said though, that should only be when all else fails.

Jobs-wise, I don't think Auschwitz only accepts Jewish tour-guides. I also googled 'Morgue attendant': it got a lot of results, so maybe you could try the same for jobs in your area?

So with his logic you're only supposed to be interested in s**t that benefits you in life?

Without interests, how is life even interesting?

Knowledge is never useless. If you wish to learn about something, learn about it. Who cares if it doesn't get you anywhere in life? No one needs to focus everything on getting somewhere. It's always nice to have a hobby, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

No he's not just in my imagination. Whatever made you think that? And we actually live in different countries right now... and he doesn't know if he wants to get back with me. Long story. But he sees I'm not doing so well and now he has that to lord ver me if he wants to, not that he probably will... he robably won't. I totally agree with one of you that said that he's wonderful support and you feel safe around him, but that he isn't such good support for feeling safe emotionally and trusting myself. Someone else said that I need to talk to him about this. They're right. And it wasn't him that said my knowledge was useless or that I should only learn things that will make me happy even once my interest in acquiring more knowledge about them is over. It was me that said that. Oh, and I was thinking more than ever about checking out when I started this thread, because people thinking I'm a rational erson who doesn't need their help to make my own decisions means more to me than anything, and I wasn';t and still am not getting that. And I'll never dump him no matter what, because I promised him I wouldn't and a promise is a promise.


And I'm sorry I said that stuff about him thinking my thoughts are disordered. Yes, I have been like that. But it seems that a lot of the time even though my thoughts are fine Stan still thinks they're disordered.