Another meltdown :(

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Right now, I feel paranoid. I feel like everything that happens at home is my fault. Today, I asked my brother if he needed the light on in the dining room. He said yes. He then proceeded to turn on the TV. I told him he was wasting electricity. "Don't clean up after me," he said. "I'm not!" I replied. "I just don't want my mom to blame the electricity bill on me, like she always does. She always looks at me pointedly and tells me that the bill went up. She gets us all together in a room to talk about lowering electricity andl ooks at me more than 90% of the time." "Don't clean up after me." "Plus, you do DISGUSTING things, like leave your retainer case open in the bathroom all the time, leave bandaids out all over the place, and eat over the cookie bin." "I'm working on it." "No you're not!" "Yes I am!" "I see no improvement." "Plus, you keep your hands in your pants all day long."

(needless to say, this was more a rant about my om than on him. I find I can't talk to my mom nicely about anything any more :'()
I absolutely HATE my brother. I honestly do. I wish he would not accuse me of cleaning up after myself. I wake up every day dreading my mom blaming me for something. She buys cookies, and I say, "Thanks!" I get a resounding "They're for EVERYONE!" So now, she thinks I'm selfish and a wasteful fool.

I really hate living here, job searching is AWFUL. I applied to a temp agency that does stuff for the disabled (that would included asperger's and autistics), and I've heard nothing back. I get discouraged day in and day out, either by my family o by my job search. I can't win

OH! And I really wish my mom would not rant to me about anything. Because when she does, I feel as though it's my problem.

I wish I moved out by now, but I can't because I don't have a lot of savings and I don't have job. Plus, I'm going to have to repay my loans starting next month, and without a job...I'm sure I'll go broke

I absolutely empathize with both the unmanageable family and the frustrating issues of unemployment/underemployment. Either one alone is demoralizing and discouraging, let alone both together.

Speaking for myself, one of the hardest things to do is accept that so much of that is indeed beyond my control, then look for what little things I *can* control.

Especially in job searching. Especially in this economy. If you don't get the job, know that there might have been a dozen or a hundred other applicants. It's not necessarily that you were no good but that one more out of that hundred just happened to have that extra random something on their resume that the employer was looking for. You may well have beat 98 other people out for that job. Still sucks that as runner-up you didn't get it, but don't beat yourself up over it (easier said than done, I know!).

Apply lots of places and not just the ones that are advertising. A friend who is a career counselor told me long ago that 98% of available jobs are unadvertised and I believe it. Very few of the jobs I've worked at were actively looking for employees. And be willing to work outside your chosen profession and well below your skill set. REALLY frustrating to clean crappers at the movie theatre with a college degree, but it's minimal income while you look for something better.

As to when you do move out, my own current strategy is to live as modestly as possible. So when the paychecks are good, they are very good. When the paychecks are bad, they're not as bad.

Find those things you can control no matter how small and find that sense of achievement in even the tiniest of tasks.

Good luck to you!

I like JoJerome's advice, and I'll add a few thoughts of my own.

Don't believe what other people say when they blame you. Everyone has their issues, preferences, priorities, and personal agendas. Families almost always have some conflict. I haven't spoken to my brother at all for over six years, and only a few times in the prior 10 to 15 years (I'm over 40, by the way). Even the NT people I know have family problems and some have one or more family members they never speak to at all.

Work is tough these days. I'm underemployed at the moment, living very modestly, and will relocate to a cheaper place when my lease ends. I've never actually gotten a job with a company except when everyone was hired, or I was the only applicant and someone had to be hired. So as JoJerome said, don't be too discouraged. Persistence and applying everywhere should work, though maybe not as fast as you want.