Feeling low and need a hug

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Usually when someone says something mean to me I can get past it and move on. But today I got cornered by my NT husband, who started yelling at me about how tired he is that I'm not working, and how he doesn't see why I can't work full-time, instead of sitting at my computer. I have 2 kids, eight and thirteen, and the older one is an aspie who has had a terrible time at school this year. My husband want at me for a solid 3 hours today as the kids kept coming in and out of the room, wnating to see what the problem was. This guy moniyors my spending, my phone calls, and reads the history of websites that I look at. He evesdrops on conversations I have with the kids. He thinks I'm having a grand time at home everyday. He yelled "you have no friends" over and over again. He kept at me until I finally broke down. This is the person I married and adopted 2 kids with. Its sad to realize he isn't even my friend.

I have basically raised thes kids on my own, while he stayed late at his job, took a lot of out of town trips, and put me down month after month, suggesting that I had a plan to quit working and dump all the work on him. Before I met him I was a full-time government lawyer, luckily in a job that did not require much people contact. I had few friends but have always worked, put myself through college and 2 graduate degrees. I feel so hurt that he sees me as a slacker when I am the one who has gotten up in the middle of the night with the kids, I am the one who gets them to school and helps them get homework done, I byt all the groceries and clothes, I'm the onw who takes the to the doctor, and I'm the one who takes care of the cats. Me.

***** *****
Oh, I can feel your pain. I'm sorry.
I know that to take care of your kids, cats and household (not to mention yourself!) many times is exhausting and overwhelming. But to go through your share of tough times without the support of your husband, the one who was supposed to be your best friend, is heartwrenching.
I hope you find much comfort in your kids, and enjoy life in spite of him. When I've been made to feel lousy, I get out and try to do something that makes me feel good. Or just play a game, read a book, etc. with someone who loves me without condition.
I hope you get any support and friendship that you can find.
You are a valuable human being no matter if you are working or being the MOM. Incredibly tough job, huh? Your kids are lucky to have you there for all their needs.
Don't accept the emotional/verbal abuse. Don't believe it. He can say it, but you don't have to believe it. It is sad that it makes some men feel superior to put their wives down. Or to take out their frustrations on others, especially loved ones.

Wow your husband sounds almost emotionally abusive. It sounds like he is very possesive, checking your internet history etc., and cruel and insulting to you. It sounds like he de-values the work you do as a stay-at-home mom. It seems like he doesn't respect you as a person, and he doesn't have any appreciation for your contribution to the family. Tearing down a persons self esteem by yelling at them that they "have no friends" is not an acceptable way for any human being to treat another human being, let alone a way for one to treat his life partner! That is bullying. You should not put up with it! yOU DESERVE BETTER!

I wish I could advise you on what you should do, but obviously your situation is complicated and only you can figure out what is right for your life.

For what it is worth *HUGS*

Good luck to you, and keep posting, that always makes me feel better and less lonely when I am going through a bad time.

Perhaps investigate ways to leave the abusive situation, even if you are not ready or don't want to, just in case. It can be very damaging to self-esteem to remain in such situations long-term, making it more difficult to consider other options. If a hug helps, here is a genuine one: *hug*.

I'm so sorry.

((((Big bear hug)))

(((((Hug)))))

Are you able to take the kids and cats, and go. It does not sound healthy to stay there, for you or your kids or even your cats. I wouldn't say about even trying to work it out, I'd say investigate the ways to leave and when you're ready to go, to go.

As far as I look at it, you should go and take the kids because he's being emotionally abusive, that damages the kids as well as yourself. It's a nasty situation. You can only do what is right for you. Is there a way that you can get back in contact with your friends? Or relatives that could help in some way?

(((((Hug)))))

daydreamer84 wrote,

You need a real life hug, I want to go to where you live and give you a massive hug, and cuddle.

That is so out of order.

Oh sorry... that sounds terrible.

Sometimes men just can't see the woods for the trees.

My wife stays at home and I'll admit that I'm sometimes jealous of the fact that she gets to spend so much time with our kids - and the fact that she doesn't have the same work-pressures that I do.

Every now and then though, I have the day off and I do her things with her. Sometimes, if she's sick, I do them by myself.

I can't handle doing homework with my kids. I don't have the patience or the manner.

I've resigned myself to the fact that my wife does the things she does for a good reason - and that she does them better than I could. Similarly, I have my place too.

You need a bit more appreciation - and you should probably go see someone. What you're describing is abuse.

reminds me a bit of me and my dad.
he gets really mad at me sometimes. thinks i'm a slacker and don't want a job 'cause i'm 19 and unemployed. it's not really my fault though. i turned of jobsearching age just in time for economic depression and my work experience and interview skills are terrible. if i could get past an interview i'd be golden. but the open-ended questions they ask that i have trouble answering and the off-putting aspie vibe i seem to give off in combination seem to make other NTs competing for the same position a wiser hiring choice to the employer i guess.
my father doesn't understand this, doesn't understand my condition, and takes out jis frustration on me verbally.
doesn't seem to understand why i don't like to go to social places where there's alot of people i don't know either.
he's like, "oh, there's girls there! don't you like girls?" and always pushing me to go.
i'm like, "yeah, for the last effin' time, i do like girls, i'm just not social. it's a moot point for me to go there for that. it's like going to the gun range without ammunition"

and i'm always doing stuff around the house. driving my siblings to appts and making sure stuff gets done 'cause my dad and his GF both work. and even extra stuff around the property 'cause my dad likes to exploit me for free labor for his landscaping projects, rationalizing it by saying i don't have a job.
it's not so much my fault i don't have a job! if it were possible i'd get a job and move out straightaway. i hate this place.