'Adult' but still stuck on parent issues.

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I was thrown really off by this today. I really got upset by it and I'm hoping you here will understand freaking out at such an unexpected change and getting stuck on things like what happened today:

My cell is part of my family plan through my dad which I'm very grateful for as I'd be dead in the water without it as far as work goes. My dad's been on me to look up phones and pick one out for 3-4 months.
Talking about going to Atnt for the iPhone and had me researching the different providers (vs Verizon which we have) along with the best phones coming up. Despite loving iPhones with my research and such we decided to stay with Verizon and to pick out new phones there for the update. Did all the research online, went into stores to play with them spent a lot of time at it and got my hopes up. Picked out two phones I liked, with EnVTouch being the one I'd like most, and gave reviews of others I looked at and why that was the one etc. He always has me write everything like a business letter.
Then today I get a rush call from him that they were in the store getting his new wife the phone I wanted and since it came with 4 free basic phones I was getting shipped one of those instead and that my phone would be off since they were unlocking that one there in TX and then shipping it to me in CA.
So I got home this evening and looked up the phone he's sending me and it is no different at all from the old one I've got.
So right now I can't call anyone to talk about it and I'm all alone in my apt upset and not able to talk about it with anyone. My head started swarming with extreme upset and I felt like I was going to explode but managed to talk to a friends mom on myspace chat.

I feel that my upset is logically selfish for feeling this way but this brings me right back to the time he gave away my bed to a family whose house burned down - without asking me while I was at school. I couldn't be upset at that either because that family lost everything. He didn't give away His bed though. I slept on my floor for a year on a pallet of blankets and sleeping bags. He thought I should be sleeping in the twin bed I grew up in instead of the double guest bed I moved to when I out grew the twin. He would never listen to me that I couldn't sleep with my feet hanging off. So we had a 'war of the wills' (happened every year in some form) and it took him a year for him to finally understand my argument and get my a ex-long twin bed. One that I still sleep in 6 years later and 4 states away. Yeah the bed was a big thing but it's been similar stuff all my life.

So it's not about the phone at all, it's the repeat of the doing something I wasn't expecting that leaves me with less than I thought I had for someone else.

That rolled into just finding out about AS and with the rejection/disbelief of a couple important friends about it, I'm not doing so well.

Yeesh, I'd wonder why he asked for an opinion/decisition if it's going to be ignored. About the bed thing, that's nasty. Why couldn't he have given away the other bed? The one he expected for you to sleep in that was too small?

I can well understand why you'd fume with your Dad regularly. He seems to be an insensitive git of a kinda severe type. If he gave away both his bed and yours, it wouldn't be so bad, though, regardless, he should have asked you.

Things will get easier, perhaps they will get a little harder first but over time it will probably get easier.

I Moved from Fl to ca to get away from my family! So came back to visit them, first thing out there mouth "ohh you look sickly" you loss to much weight!! ! I am the same weight as high school. I am sorry I have will power! See you cows in a couple more years... My brother and sister already have everything in the house divided up for when my parents pass, how sick. But, somehow am the ass? If I ever came into money, I would pay them what they spent on raising me and tell them all to f off.

I don't think it's unusual to be stuck on parent issues.. The therapist I was seeing kept wanting to bring everything back to parent issues, even though there are way more pressing matters I wanted to deal with.. but she'd just brush off the stuff that was really bothering me and bring the topic back to my parents. Or past relationships. Neither of which I wanted to talk about, but she thought those two things must be the most important things in the world. Didn't care about the issues I had with professionals, didn't care what it was that kept me up at night, what weighed on my mind and bothered me.. to her, it was all about my parents and my past relationships.

Yup, my parents (well, my mom and grandma....I don't talk to my dad) drive me insane. They are both completely hung up on all the social things that I'm bad at...and even after explaining why I'm bad at them, they STILL get extremely bent out of shape about stuff like not saying thank you the right number of times while eating dinner. My grandma constantly gets down on me for EVERYTHING...how I dress, my hair, my weight (I'm not THAT overweight...size 16 jeans). Just the other day she was trying to tell me that black doesn't go with green (WTF??? Black goes with anything! Even an autistic person can see that! LOL) I tried to explain to her that I don't care about fashion, I don't care to spend time making myself look the way others want me to...I see people for who they are, not how they dress. She shot back "well, I don't know who you are!" Well, yeah, that's true. I've always been so afraid of her judgment, that I just don't talk much around her. I've explained that too, to no avail. I even get the monotone voice with them sometimes...that doesn't happen with ANYONE else.

Mom and Grandma also seem to be extremely hung up on money. For example, Mom mentioned she was going out to eat with Grandma last weekend and I asked if I could come. She said I shouldn't because Grandma will insist on paying (she always does) and if I come, it would make it look like I expected her to pay! I said no, I don't expect her to pay, but Grandma ALWAYS insists and it turns into a fight if you don't let her! But in order to seem polite, the fight needs to happen! So now I can't go out to eat with them because my very presence makes me seem like I'm looking for money??? AHHHH!! !

Everything is technicalities with them. I could be bawling my eyes out trying to convince them that I do love them....but they stay hung up on the little social technicality that I missed as proof that I don't love them.

I live in another city 20 minutes away from them, but it's not enough!

I am also convinced that my dad and I don't talk because of my Asperger's. I am remembering all the things he didn't like about me, and realizing they are ALL Asperger's symptoms. Not really anything I can do about it now...but I don't think that realization will ever stop hurting.

My dad snaps at me and rushes me, "Just Spit It Out!" when I'm trying to communicate something with him which always makes it worse. If he just gave me a chance I could gather my thoughts to focus them into a NT understandable sentence.

I really dislike it when adults hate themself and pick on others, exspecially someone that has trouble defending thereself. "to belittle is to be little". The best thing my mom ever told me was "If you don't like the company of someone, then don't be around them"! Ok, bye family!! !! Never looked back, till I had a son. They had there visit, they didn't change... There problem not mine. I love my wife's family more then I could ever love my own, crazy I know.

That is horrible! And also not to do with your being AS or him being NT. That is just being a jerk. He probably thinks that he is entitled because he is the parent. In my opinion this is terrible parenting, but while I am a parent I am not your parent... *shrugs* The best you can do at this point is see about when the next upgrade available is, or save up to buy the model you want by yourself. However, in the mean time it probably would not hurt to explain to him that what he did has made you feel less important than his "new wife". Practice it before hand so you don't feel so nervous, go over it until you can get it all out without feeling upset.

As far as green not going with black... *boggle* I say take pictures of every green and black outfit that you see when you are out, clip pictures out of magazines what ever. Then send them all to that poor woman because clearly she needs assistance with matching.

I live 3 hours from my family, and they drive me nuts at times too.Theyd nag about lots of stuff when I come home to visit....I don't like staying at their place for too long cuz of that.They also have me drive the kids around to places which costs me money in fuel.I also end up babysitting and cleaning up after them all...I don't even live there but yet they say I have to cuz Im still family...I don't recall them asking my aunts or uncles or cousins to pick up after everyone when they visit.