important question

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I've grown up a lot in the past few months and straightened up in a lot of ways. But I'm still having problems here... I'm currently engaged and I can't get thoughts of throwing it off out of my mind so I can just seclude myself from the world instead. At the same time I know I can't handle either. Every time I get into a relationship it becomes too overwhelming. This time it's with someone who is fully aware of my problems but it's still too overwhelming. I'm always paranoid about her because of how others have treated me in the past and I can never be in a good enough mood for her because of personal issues I am going through and will always go through. I don't want to make her part of my misery it wouldn't be fair for her. If I just throw it off and shut myself out from the outside world then it's nice for a while, until I get frikin LONELY again and the cycle continues. It never works because being sweet is never enough. You also have to be successful and MAINTAIN an interesting personality so they don't get tired of you. Plus I love her too much to just leave but at the same time I know eventually it will just be another disaster. So I guess I'm stuck.. what should i do -.-

Have you told her about any of this? If so, what was her reaction/response?

I've told her about my paranoia of her and how sorry I am for feeling that way because she doesn't deserve to have me think that.. But at the same time I can't help it. She just says "it's alright I understand..." I think it would crush her though if I expressed that I might be better off if we didn't get married.. I'm not sure how I would go about doing that if it's even the right thing to do..

Premarital counseling.

Talk about this before you lose the person you love, or make a mistake that will only scar you further.


M.