mum going on and on about my weight

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My mum keeps going on about my weight calling me fat, ugly and podgy telling me my new haircut would look better if I lost weight etc. I admit I have put on some weight but this is due to a number of factors I find it difficult to maintain a good diet I tend to be limited in my imagination on what is nice to eat and arent a very good cook, have a liking for junkfood and have a thyroid issue. I dont need her constantly going on at me about it I find it upsetting.

Woman to woman, I'm a big beautiful woman myself, and my weight is finally starting to come off. The thing that helps me is that I have the bread and pasteries earlier on in the day, and than I have a gluten free dinner with lots of meat and fruits and vegetables. I also drink a lot of milk, but it has to be 2%, or else I end up feeling hungry.

You shouldn't lose weight because someone else wants you to. It has to be your decision, and your decision alone.

Moms are notorious for saying the wrong things to their kids because they're just a little too comfortable. (I love my mom, but boy, can she say the worst things sometimes.) Try to ignore her. Sometimes by not responding, but staring the person down instead, you can really make your point that you aren't interested in their offensive opinions.

I wear plus sizes also (which means I am a gorgeous bigger woman).

Losing weight as part of developing a healthy diet is a good thing. Being made to feel guilty about your body or unattractive by those who we need for emotional support - is not a good thing.

I have no idea of the dynamics with your relationship with your mum, but I'll try to give you some words to use. You can try them, they may work, they may not work. Just so you know - when I give "advice" or specifically "words to use" I don't expect them to instantly solve problems - consider them an arrow in your quiver to use in uncomfortable conversations.

Anyway, a response to your mum when she is making you feel uncomfortable about your body, "Mum, I know that you love me and are trying to help me. However, when you call me (fat, podgy) or make negative comments about my body, I feel really sad. I need you for emotional support, your my mum and your the most important person to me. I respect your concern about my health, but please let me deal with my health in my own way and my own time. Would you be willing to keep comments about my appearance in relation to my weight out of our conversations." If she continues to make unwanted comments, say, "These comments are hurtful, let's talk about something else." If she keeps at you, repeat or paraphrase, "I'm feeling hurt with what you are saying, I'd like us to change the subject." If she continues, repeat it again. (In assertiveness training, this is called "the broken record technique")

I know that these words sound a bit stilted, but they address your concern with your mum in relation to her comments. Mum is good ... it's her comments that are hurtful. Also, it makes a respectful request of how the behavior can be changed - i.e not making comments about your appearance.

Just so you know - I model this type of communication off of a workshop called "Non Violent Communication" I took a workshop a few years ago and I found that using this type of wording is a gentle way of letting people know what I need, clarifying what others need and communicating without making others feel bad. It is worth googling and looking into. (Incidently, I have no financial or other vested interest in Non-Violent Communication. I am just a happy past workshop taker

Good luck with her mum.

Remember that you are a beautiful person, no matter your size and no matter what anyone else says.

I grew up with weight issues, and was constantly humiliated for it by my maternal grandmother...This was more when I was a child....but I feel your pain...
She would call things like "My little fat girl"...and say stuff like "That's OK, more to Love"...She would pull up my shirt to show the lady in the clothes shop my belly and talk about my weight problem...It was her passive aggressive way of encouraging me to lose weight...Meanwhile feeding me a rich highly processed diet whenever I stayed at her house.
I was a lethargic hyper-sensitive child with developmental and motor-coordination troubles..My sister and cousin were "normal"
Eating was a sort of "stim" for me....it gave me comfort....and I was uncomfortable a lot so I ate a lot.

...It was kinda mean....No wonder my mom was anorexic when she was young.


My parents still bring up issues with my weight. They are gentle about it, but it is still kinda annoying...especially when I think I am doing ok.....My dad offered to pay for weight loss acupuncture for me....even though I am thinner now than i have been in a number of years...(I am still technically overweight)
I really didn't mind the offer all that much..He has a much more serious weight problem than i do...He had just happened to get the treatment for himself and was being generous...

It is only annoying because a lot of the time I like not having to think about my weight...I have been overweight all my life, and I will never look like the women on the cover of Shape Magazine...so talk of my weight is a reminder that I am not supposed to "accept" myself.

People are beautiful in all shapes and sizes...the Media is evil in the way it tries to brainwash people.....Even though I know this in my "higher" mind, certain things can still get to me...I can still feel poorly about my personal image..

Sometimes parents my project their own insecurities on their offspring....

Does your mom have any weight issues of her own?

I understand how you feel, OP!

My mom used to make all kinds of comments about the size of my teeth, which is something I can't even do anything about!
I'd be in the middle of a sentance and she'd interrupt me by saying "Your teeth are soo big" with pity in her voice and a shake of her head. Then she'd proceed to tell me how it makes me look like a horse and I'd be so cute otherwise. And she'd do it all the time and straight out of the blue usually when I was in the middle of trying to tell her something.

My mom referred to me as "very full figured" when I was 17, weighing 120 lbs at 5'8".... I'm pretty sure I was thin..... back then.....but I kid you not, I overheard her saying that to my aunt, because there was some funny story about me buying a girdle for my sister's wedding..... For those who battle with their weight, it is a CONSTANT battle, which is probably why people just give up and eat whatever they want. Those prepackaged, frozen "Smart Ones" are really good and filling if you add vegetables.... Everybody loves junk food, but if you read about the ingredients, it might help you fight the cravings....a little.....

It was always loverly when my mom lamented on my having inherited her "bad genes" ....Referring to all of the traits that she has that I have...including my AS traits...hypersenitivity...tendency towards depression/executive dysfunction/ugly hands...etc...etc..

She would say that I have "her hands"...and talk about how ugly she thought her hands were...
That was a long time ago....just an example that I can recall...

She actually has better hands than me....I have sorta square clumsy masculine-ish hands that have always looked sorta underdeveloped, like a child's..especially around the fingernails...

Who cares what hands look like anyway?
At least she has adult looking hands...

You know what the score is and you'll change if and when you're ready.

Nobody can make you change and in fact nagging will only make it more difficult for you.

Plenty of guys like bigger girls. One person's definition of beauty is not the same as another's.


Ask your mother to back off and stop damaging your self esteem - if you have to write it down for her, fine.

Catster, I feel your pain.
There's a simple response to any barb life may through at you.
In the words of Thumper:

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all."

Tell her ..."If YOU have an issue with MY teeth, then YOU can pay for the dental work.

Two years ago when I was still living at home in Vegreville, my stepmom commented on how i was overweight, and she also commented on how my dad was overweight as well....She not only made the comments to me, but my dad got the same commetns over his weight as well.

Anyways, since I moved to Red Deer and am going to school and working, I have lost alot of weight, and this year at thanksgiving, she was commenting on how SKINNY I was.LOL.She was asking things like...are you eating ok?

My mom does this to me as well.. she would be looking at a picture of me and make a comment about how if I was skinny how attractive I would be, but at the same time she would also say that I am pretty anyways so yeah it's kind of a double entendre. She also has an obsession with me growing my hair out though I prefer to keep it short. If I want long hair I will buy a wig, I cannot stand having long hair naturally it's just a nuance that I have.

As for the weight, I know realistically that it is very difficult to lose and most people are meant to be "pudgy" I know that my mom wants me to lose for "health reasons" but I also know of plenty of bigger beautiful women that are active and healthy.

You should tell your mother to back off, you deserve better then that.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My mother constantly nagged me about how underweight I was, and did her best to force-feed me. So I didn't really enjoy food until my college years, when I was away from her and could eat what I wanted. It wasn't until my 40's, though, when I got a lot more sedentary, worked at home, and had food constantly available to nibble on, that I came up to a normal body mass index.