my fear is confirmed: i can expect NO support from my mother

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cus she insists there is _absolutely nothing_ wrong with me.

now... denial is a big thing for her, she does it everywhere, with all topics, politics, buying things, everything she knows or says has denial in it.

i HOPED for a surprise when i HINTED that i am seeking a diagnosis that will hopefully HELP ME get MY LIFE on a better track.

she basically told me ive been tricked by whoever told me this (cus obviously i'm an airhead) and that its just nonsense. logic and information doesnt work with her, so im not looking for suggestions as to what to tell her, im just venting
she also made it about her, i am doing this to piss her off, im asking my dad for help to piss her off, and his wife supports me with everything i need - to piss her off.

my dad and his wife allready treat me differently, after i suspect they suspect aspergers, which is a relief. so.
i will get my support from them, only nothing at all from my mother, who seems to insist i am useless only to piss her off or something.

i REALLY hoped that she would surprise me, and show some sensible thinking. shes sweet and all, but the world revolves around her, and her reality is all that matters.
at the end of the conversation, before it HAD to end, she said "well if you have a diagnosis, then maybe your brother has one too!" as if she was making a point. "maybe does" i said, and slammed the car door.
he has general learning disabilities, that untreated untill a current age of 24, has held him back a huge lot.
teachers used to try to convince her when he was little, repeatedly, to give him a diagnosis, she refused.
now i only wonder what teachers have told her about me, that she has blindly refused.
at least its coming back to bite her.

I know you are venting, so I'm not going to give you suggestions on what to tell your mom.

... but maybe she is right, there might not be anything wrong with you. You may be Aspie but that doesn't mean it's "wrong".

It's no more "wrong" than being NT is.

smartass!

she is basically saying: all i have to do, is "stop joking around" and get a job, life, wife, kids etc allready.
which is basically at the core of my frustration, cus this confirmation means that she will ALWAYS regard me as just "joking around" being broke and miserable for fun.

and with her off, i probably wont get the rest of my family on board either, cus she'll just inform them not to trust me. she allready informed the new doctor she got. the doctor basically told me i am normal and that she didnt WANT to test me. that was my FIRST conversation with the all-knowing doctor, and one of the first things she said.
"oh hi, nice to meet you, btw, you have no problems in your life, you can go home now. bye!"

need a new doctor, who has never talked to my mother :I

and she doesnt do it to be mean, its delusions-deluxe.

hehe


I am not entirely sure, but after several years of perusing through WP, I kinda get the impression that there is an element of a self-fulfilling prophecy with regards to the official AS diagnosis. The prophecy is: if you think you need help, then you will need it. If you think you don't need it, then you won't. I know this isn't always true, but I've noticed that a lot of NTs seem to operate in a "mind-over-matter" kind of way, oftentimes regardless of how huge the matter really is. I'm assuming your mom is NT, and if she is, then saying that there's nothing wrong with you may be her way of trying to get you to move on, and not think too much about the AS diagnosis. After all, if we as AS have a weakness, it's to overthink things to the point of paralysis and inertia.

The AS diagnosis can help a lot of people in cases where "mind over matter" is not sufficient to overcome their issues, providing services so that people can get back on their feet. However for those with milder cases, the diagnosis may become a hindrance, as it may give those people an "official" feeling that they are less capable than they actually are. Your mom's feelings are consistent with the latter, I think. If things got worse for you, then eventually she might be convinced of the former, but there are no guarantees of that... and I don't think you'd really want things to get worse for you just for the sake of finding out.

Do you think that your own situation is severe enough to warrant an official diagnosis? Or do you think that perhaps self-diagnosis is sufficient? Or maybe not sure? I don't know you at all (other than you are Norwegian) so you'll have to decide that for yourself. I used to think that I needed an official diagnosis too, but I think I've reached the point where self-diagnosis is good enough for me.

first of all, my mother doesnt know aspergers exist. i dont want to tell her, cus she wont want to listen. so there is no point.

and yes, a diagnosis would grant me
1. a welfare payment meant for people with disabilities, instead of the absolute minimum payout for lazy people.
2. a program for diagnosed aspies, that i was just informed about.

i am 28, i have no friends, no life, nothing. i need something, and whatever i can be offered with an official diagnosis, i will take.
more money? hell yes.

i am 28, i have no friends.[/quote]

You said to me that you had a friend some while ago.

You said to me that you had a friend some while ago.[/quote]

to most people "some friends" mean 50-250 friends.

to me "some friends" is 1 guy who sometimes visits me, 1 guy who i dont want here, but who sometimes visits me, and 1 guy who wants me to visit him, but i never go.

Why are you so convinced she wont listen?
I mean your mother raised you and saw your developement in your life process. Maybe her brain turns like this --> <-- if you tell her!

When I got my diagnosis I had a quite bad relationship with my mother. I decided to go for diagnosis without her knowledge. When I then got AS confirmed and told her, she wasnt surprised at all of the results....

she has always refused that theres something wrong with me.
as you suggest ive always struggled, but she pretended it didnt happen. it used to enfuriate my dad, they divorced early.
he insisted on evaluations for years, untill he gave up.
she will most likely be SET on not believing anything, for example, she had NO interest in the processes i have been through, she brushed everything off as "someone telling me this nonsense"

my brother too, he still cant read well, she never allowed teachers to give him any special help, cus there was 'nothing wrong' with him. she takes it as a personal attack on her. its no use!

My mother is the same way. She believes she (and only she) can properly diagnose me. So despite piles of documentation for teams of physicians and other health care professionals, she refuses to even consider any of it. She even states that I faked my EEG (which confirms I have a seizure disorder).

But so what?

You are 28, and though family support and acceptance are nice, such things are luxuries, not guaranteed by any law or regulation. Figure out what you want in your personal and professional life, then work toward it. If you're diagnosed with AS, that may provide some assistance (money or whatever) but it will provide a lot more insight so that you can move forward toward what you want.

I'm 40+, and still struggle with several aspects of life owed to the AS and seizures. But I won't allow family (or anyone else) to dictate what I am or am not, what I should or should not do, or what's best for me.

Don't give up trying to get your family to understand. But at the same time, don't be surprised if they don't. The AS diagnosis (or any other neuropsychiatric diagnosis) can be very hard on family members, who go through their own denial, anger, etc. (mourning process) and maybe eventually come to terms with it.

Is it possible that your mother is autistic?

It really isn't fair for someone to take out personal frustrations on her son. For sure it's a coping mechanism, but it's a coping mechanism that can burn bridges. Would you be given the opportunity to work or attend school while on disability?

I like the point Stinkypuppy made, having the AS is good in the sense of knowing what you're working with, but it also implies limitations that have personally given me setbacks.

I can't find a job to save my life, I just put in an application to sonic and even they don't get back with me. I'm about to join the reserves and take the sign-on bonus.

my dads side of the family, where i strongly suspect i got aspergers from, are more understanding. my aunt knows, and my dad and his wife suspects, maybe from what my aunt might have told. i told my aunt, cus shes close enough, since shes family, and far enough all the way in spain. plus i can TALK to my dads side of the family. the norwegian side has a lot of fascades that are impossible to get through.

my mum's that same. i wonder if it's female HFA? either way, she's nuts! or maybe it's just the crazies that go after the aspie guys. that's been the case for me anyway. sheesh