I feel it would be better if I had more severe autisim.

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Sometimes I feel that way. That if God gave me full blown autism I would be better off. Because then I would not have the need to find a sig. other. I would just go through life without feeling those feelings. The way I feel now with AS, God has given me the need and wants to be with someone, but not the instincts, skills I need to fulfill those needs. No matter how much I work on myself and my social skills, God will prevent me from having people relate to me the way I want to because I have AS. If I was more autisitic, I would not care.


Anyone else feel this way?

Last edited by KenM on 23 Aug 2009, 6:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, in a sense. I am pretty jaded about relationships. My need is more about having a life guide. My tendency to gullibility and lack of understanding of how social interactions work have left me financially vulnerable. That's not to say I don't have a need for human contact. I would be in bad shape without my son and my family. If the disability was more severe and more apparent, I would have more support. I have wondered throughout my life why I never got a copy of the guide book or why someone didn't just tell me.

I don't think that is necessarily true. In fact, if you were more severely autistic then you might feel worse off, you don't really know.

What you are saying is not that you wish that your autism was more severe, but that you wish you didn't care as much.

there are 2 problems with this statement. One you are implying that people with more severe autism don't care as much as you do. Two, you are opting for a rather easy way out by just wishing your problems away in a "grass is greener" mentality. All you really have to do is not care, but that would require work on your part. So instead you just wish that you were more autistic... because that is not a viable option.

It would be like me stating that I could be in better shape if I was one of those "athletic" types. Honestly, I could be in shape if I wasn't lazy, and all I just succeeded in doing is undermining how hard they work.

You are saying I have not done any work on myself to learn better social skills and all that. ALL I HAVE DONE HAS BEEN WORKING ON MYSELF. EVERYTHING I HAVE TRYED HAS NOT WORKED. I take this as meaning God wants me to be miserable not matter how hard I try, so why try. I have done so much work on myself, I don't feel like my old self and I feel I am being fake with everyone.

I feel if I was more autistic my mind would not make me feel the need to have relationship. In my mind it would not matter and I will not have know the pain of nothing but rejection.

i dont understand why you would even want to be with people that reject you only because of superficial stuff.

Firstly, it isn't god preventing you from having people relate to you the way you want, it is you. Do not attribute things to 'God' that you should take responsibility for. AS does not equal not finding a significant other at all so you need to think about why you are not getting what you want. Many people with AS have significant others and good relationships.

Are you hanging around people that you are interested in a relationship with or are you sitting at home all the time and not meeting people? Do you take an interest in other people's lives or are you only focused on your own? Etc. etc. Work on that stuff and don't make it out like it is 'God' that is stopping you.

That is not what I mean. I mean when EVERYONE you are interested in rejects you, it takes a toll on you.

I do sit at home doing my own thing alot of the time. Mainly because I have been rejected so much, its all I know, so why try? Every time I give it a go I fail. Been trying since I was 18 or so. I'm 41 now. why should I go out and try if I know I'm going to get rejected again?

Why are you being rejected? What kinds of things have happened when you have pursued people?

KenM wrote:

I can relate, and for me it's not an initial rejection. Even if I was pursued I got rejected after a short time. I had one FWB that I had fallen in love with be honest with me that my depression frightened him. His mother was a depressive. We are still friends but live in different towns and he is married with a child.

I am not saying that you have done no work yourself. I am saying that you view severe autism as an easy way out.

I think what you mean is you'd like to be more schizoid- as in not desiring contact with people nor relationships with them. that indeed is a desireable way to be for someone with social problems.

KenM, thank you for your heart felt comments.

The heart is a lonely hunter indeed, and yes it is cruel that many of us with AS have the skills to penetrate into the world to the extent that we can see, but rarely truly taste it's most sought after fruits.

Wishing you well

Chris

I think it's important to realize that the end of the fairy tale " happily ever after" doesn't exist. That's just the beginning. I guess I'm feeling a little jaded because of two sibling marriages ending after over 25 years. Life is conflict no matter what. I hate it. I'm staying in my bubble.

If I knew why I kept being rejected I'd fix it. I have no idea why people keep rejecting me. I know because of my AS I can come accross as "off" and I miss alot of the little social cues. So maybe I'm totally missing stuff that is obvious to NTs.

Well that doesn't necessarily count you out for a relationship. I come across as "off" and I miss a lot of social cues too but I don't get rejected all the time. Often people get rejected for the following reasons (maybe see if any apply to you)
-coming across as desperate for a relationship - i.e. as soon as they get any indication of interest they will be constantly calling the person, following them around and so on
-staring too much (this is generally seen as creepy)
-not having good hygiene
-not asking the other person lots of questions and only talking about yourself. People like to talk about themselves so the most likable people seem to be the ones that ask lots of questions of others and listen closely
-being bitter and complaining all the time - even if life has been really s**tty for someone, others don't want to hear them talk about it all the time and prefer people to focus on all the good things in life
-not being financially secure (this isn't always a case for rejection but generally people want someone who can look after themselves)

I second that.


Ken, you'll be better once you quit believing in the imaginary being called God.

Read about about science , evolution , evolutionary psychology ( i recommend http://www.epjournal.net/) ...the more you read the more you understand your problems and the people around you.