You definitely need "counseling." Seek a mental health professional with either a Social Work or Psychology background. Or go
to your local, public mental health center in your community and tell them you would like to see a counselor.
Every community in the USA has a mental health center and although, they are not "perfect" places for those individuals who need help and assistance in dealing with the issues they face in life, it is better than suffering alone. Wrong Planet is a good place
to vent your frustrations and anxieties, too. However, it is best to have someplace "close by" in your little corner of the USA where counseling is much more accessible to you.
Public mental health center often have a waiting list...so, get to your local mental health center soon. Such centers are less costly than paying for "private" counseling...and there are many, many people who need counseling services.
Best of luck to you!