I need help. :-(

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Hi sadly there's not a day I don't think of my College suspension every second of everyday actually and May/August (graduation/back to school) are real upsetting times. I took a vacation to New York (automatically you think oh that must of been great etc. but while parts were we visited Boston before THE COLLEGE MECA! which brought up upsetting emotions (crying/being upset) every morning I woke up during that vacation I had a meltdown crying over not being in College. On the bus from Boston-NY I was upset over College and my sister said well you wouldn't be going to NY if you were in College IMO College>Vacation IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT TO ME!! !! Any tips (Also BTW an old friend is going to College now which upsets me FURTHER!) and call me crazy but I imagine that teacher and NOW friend in my head! (NO not hearing voices etc.! just imagining them I guess in my head LOL!

I dropped out of high school as a teenager, and ever since, even now at almost 36, I still occasionally have dreams of being in school and never quite finishing the class or the homework I need to graduate, and getting anxious that I'm so old and still in 10th grade. I'll wake up, and have to remind myself that it's all over, that I don't have to worry about it anymore, that I'm 10 times smarter than the average high school graduate. Well, not 10 times, but you know what I mean.

Zelda, I don't know the story of how you ended up in this situation, but I know the feeling of emptiness you get when you have only one thing you want to do but can't do it. And again, without knowing the specifics, my best advice to you is to be useful to someone or something, as much as you can. A job, volunteer work, doing dishes at home, whatever you can get your hands on. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing, as much as it may be the thing you want to do more than anything.