Is this a friend?

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So I have a friend who lives 2 houses away from me. I have known him since before I started the 6th grade. I am in the 11th grade now, and he is in the 10th grade. He is younger than me, but I always forget this around him. Anyway, should I forgive him for 1. ignoring me alot lately, 2. he tends to ignore me around his friends, 3. when we do engage in a conversation he doesn't care what I have to say (although I dont think I'm much better because I ramble at him very very VERY often because I'm so used to it). Sometimes my friend does show that he cares, but most of the time he doesn't. I really don't like that he IGNORES me around his friends and he ALWAYS LAUGHS when I get bullied by a particularly mean 10th grader (I just ignore the bully which seems to work this year, lol). Although not around his friends, he is a pretty nice guy I guess. Also I made a big mistake I think by COMING OUT to him. He could potentially ruin me even further by telling everyone I'm a f@ggot. I ask alot when we do get serious, why he ignores me and lets me get bullied, his reason is that he is just messed up. Our parents know each other well. So I guess I can't just end our friendship. I dunno, I'm just a little pissed.

Nope, not a friend. A friend would understand you and back you up when confronted by bullies. He is an acquaintance only.

He is acting like a schmuck but it's probably because of his own insecurities. He is not being a friend now, but maybe he'll grow up sooner or later.

It sounds like he is just using you for someone to talk to when he is bored or when his 'real friends' (if he is actually capable of being nice) aren't around. He laughs at you when you are bullied & ignores you. Even if he is nice to you sometimes, a real friend wouldn't do those things to you. I don't think he is a friend.

that is no friend.

You guys are in high school. People do a lot of messed up things cuz they're trying to figure out what life is about.

There's a lot of peer pressure, and most people will go with the herd. They aren't bad, they just haven't learned enough about themselves to be confident.

Is he the best friend possible? No. Is he a friend? Yes. Is he your best friend? I think so.

The NT process of learning socialization is kinda weird, and it involves a lot of exploration of the boundaries and exceptions. I think it's like exercising muscles.

They're learning the distinctions between joking, teasing, and bullying, and the dynamics of social groupings. I'm not defending their being cruel, just trying to put it in context. At some point, someone says "dude, that's f**ked up", and the bully looses cred. The bullies usually end up being the real losers, because they're failing at social negotiating.

So, my advice is to accept that he's insecure, so he can't really be himself with his social peer group. Let him know when specific things hurt your feelings, but don't make a big deal of it. And cultivate the friendship: don't ramble too much. Practice turn-taking, talking about his interests, trying to see things from his perspective.

Mapler, 1 of 2 things is going on here. Either your friend isn't really committed to you, and is just using you for the benefit of him and his real friends, or he is just a cowardly slimeball scumbag (and therefore isn't really committed to you). I had a friend who said no right in front of me when a girl who picked on me asked her if she was friends with me.

That would qualify as a friend in my view. He may or may not be a good person, but he is clearly not a supportive or helpful person. Demote him to acquaintance, and find a proper friend.

It sucks to have a friend like that, but as a person who has been a pretty bad friend to other people, here is my official take:

If he sides with you, how's he gonna explain that to his other friends? I know it's bad but choosing the majority (in this case, the bullies) is a way of protecting yourself. So he can't have only one person to talk to IRL. He wants to have other friends but if he shows he cares then that means he wants you around too. The fact that he doesn't listen means he really just doesn't understand. Girls are naturally better listeners, by the way. He's younger than you, which may add you your problems. You might forget from time to time but he might be uncomfortable as a 10th grader to hang out with someone who is older but not one of the "cool" ones. And seeing as he is the only one you talk to, he might feel like he has to be 'responsible' for you- backing you up, and so on. I think you ought to believe him when he says that he's messed up, because only people who are messed up can admit that. He's got his own issues and when he wants to deal with them it's likely that you are the only one who can help with that.

I'm sorry that it's rather jumbled up and not very cohesive

You say your parents know his parents? Have them talk to his parents with your issues with him. If that doesn't change anything, cut him right off.