Feeling Very Miffed and Excluded!! !! !!

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I have two really good friends from college who I don't get to see very often: one lives far away (Tara), and the other lives in my city, but takes her schooling and work very seriously (Sarah).

When they're both in the area and have free time, they always inform me, and we're always promising to get together whenever we're apart.

It was Tara's birthday yesterday. Since her friends are scattered all over the place, she usually doesn't do anything to celebrate.

So imagine my shock when I see pictures of both of them in the city and celebrating her birthday plastered all over facebook!

What the eff!?!?!?!? And NO ONE told me a thing about it.

I was texting Sarah just this week about a possible hangout. She didn't mention A THING about Saturday! She even suggested that we hang out Friday (I couldn't...I had plans with another friend.).

Tara has a good friend who I'm friendly with, but for some reason is really distant towards me and doesn't invite me to things. In short, she's a member of the college "group" I was affiliated with, but refuses to consider me anything more than an aquaintance. I've always suspected that she has some sort of vendetta against me. She, Tara, and this other chick I've never met are in this 3-girl clique and they always seem to do things that way.

This "party" consisted of the three girls and Sarah, as well as some friends of Distant Girl. So I have a feeling she organized this...but Tara is one of my best friends!

Doesn't she F***ing understand that?

I left a message on one of their group shots: "Guess I wasn't invited......."
I hope they get my point.

I'm not antisocial by any means. If an event comes up, I'll usually go. I have a very active social life and have been seeing one friend per day lately because the school year has started...but these are friends I see all the time! I would have killed to see Tara and Sarah! UGH!

Just venting.

^^ Oh dear, I am very sorry you are upset anneurysm. ^^ Would this be perhaps possible for you to suggest an additional meeting with your new friends and allow them to state when to organise this little meeting? ^^ This may be happy and direct for them and also may make them feel happy. ^^ Alas, I am very sorry if you complete this act often. If they wish not to meet with you, perhaps you make ask if you have upset them, and if not, then perhaps it may be best not to be friends with them if they are being mean to you. ^^ However, I do believe it is happy to attempt to solve any possible problems initially. Sorry if this is not very helpful for you.

That is the story of my social life. I wish I could offer you some advice or comfort, or something. I've been excluded so many times. I've even tried communicating my feelings about it to them, to the point of using the "proper" words, i.e. "it makes me feel this when you do that." It kept happening, and I think it even got worse. I'm at the point where I don't really want to find new friends anymore because the rejection is too much. I have one friend I can count on, and I guess that'll have to do.

Sorry to piggyback on your thread with my own vent. I wish I knew the answer.

If they excluded you on purpose, that's really horrible, but there may be an innocent explanation behind this though; perhaps one of them thought the other had told you about it, or the email/text got lost. They might have thought you were out of town at the time or something. Perhaps it wasn't even a formal party, but just something that 'happened' on the spur of the moment.

You may feel the other girl doesn't like you, but I think it would be unusual for someone that age to be so openly bitchy as to persuade your friends to excclude you; if she was able to, then that doesn't say much about your friends!

I don't think writing that comment on facebook was a great idea; it means other people can read it and see that you were 'excluded' (if you were). It might also be embarrassing if there does turn out to be a reasonable explanation behind it all. Whilst speaking to them now may be the last thing you feel like doing, it would probably be a good idea to phone Tara and calmly ask how her party went (no sarcasm!); with any luck, she'll reply with somehting along the lines of "OMG... we forgot!"

If that's the case, unfortnately, you'll just have to be gracious and forgive

Thank you all for your support/encouragement. Distant Girl wrote back with the comment:

"I'm sure it wasn't intentional. Most of this was VERY last min, literally."

I believe this to some extent, and it does makes sense. This group, especially Tara, is well renowned for last minute engagements. But this isn't the first time I've been excluded from things. I mean, Tara's birthday was the same deal last year: last minute, organized by Distant Girl and her friend, and I wasn't invited.

I talked this over with my mom though: she thinks that Distant Girl is jealous over my friendship with Tara (she and I talk about things that she won't even touch with her) and although she isn't actively excluding me, she may be taking unintentional measures to do so. Mom said that the comment was the right thing to do: I made my hurt feelings clear without being over the top and dramatic (which is not what I want to do at all).