dispair

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I really dont see the point in trying any more. I work so hard at life and it gets worse rather than better.

I have nothing nice in my life and no way of putting it there because of the demands being made of me.

I ruminate about what I can do to improve things but I see no viable alternative.

All the things that are worst about my life are going to continue for the forseeable future and I really do not want to take it any longer.

my life just feels so unbearable and painful.

What kind of problems you're facing? Are these demands work based or domestic?

I have frequent visits from social services and they told me off for it being untidy so I am having to spend a vast amout of time tidying now as I have 2 kids with challenging behaviour.

My neighbours complain about the noise so I also have to spend time making the kids quiet.

I have my studies to do for my degree and I have to teach the kids as they are home schooled.

I have recently got a boyfriend so that takes alot of work and mental resourses as well as physically looking after him as in cooking food and chatting ect.

I have a mean arthirius and allergies so am often in pain and have to follow an extremely restrictive diet which gets me down.

The thing that bothers me most though is the social services as they are so mean to me and keep coming round and I hate them coming in my home it feels so invasive and I hate them giving me a hard time as its hard enough already.

The kids are very difficult as both have AS and challenging behaviour , they are very noisy and break lots of my stuff so its just a really horrible existance.

((((((((((lotusblossom))))))))))

I am not sure what to suggest as I am not a parent. It sounds to me though that you have far too much on your plate. Should your boyfriend be expecting you to look after him, when you are already looking after 2 children? He should be pampering you. I think more time is needed for you, anyway.

People in England have no leverage with social workers, they can take your kids for no reason at all. You can't really complain to anybody else about it for fear of revenge. When social workers get out of line in the US, usually a judge comes along and slaps them down, but that doesn't happen in the UK. It looks as if they are looking for an excuse to take the kids away from you. You said that the doctors tried to force you to abort them, now they are trying to remove them. Your bf sounds like a loser too. I know you are glad for the companionship, but he doesn't sound like he's worth it. He views you as a pushover because you're lonely, so he mooches off you and you do nothing. It is hard for AS people to be assertive, because we're always told to stop being difficult if we are, but you really need to dump this guy. You can have sex with any guy of legal age, and with your looks I suspect you could find some 20something stud. Most AS people can't handle relationships anyway, a lot of us just have sex buddies. If you need sex, any woman can get sex. It's harder for guys. Do you have any relatives who can look after your kids until the social workers calm down?

I wish I had something more useful to say than "hang in there". But I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

I feel so awful.

I dont know how to continue, it is so hard.

me and my boyfriend are finished now and so I feel even worse.

Ive not got any of my essay done as Im so upset.

He stayed last night and he so upset me I could not write anything and then he says Im the horrible one and that I was glaring at him and threatening him. I feel such a sh1t.

Its all just too horrible.

I am sorry to read this, lotusblossom. I hope you keep posting in this thread. I wish I knew what advice I could give....

Im not going to post for the next little while as I want to try and stay off the forums. I will be ok though and several members have my mobile and email address and I will reply to pm's if you get concerned so no worries.

Im feeling marginally more better this morning due to my ex recanting a large amount of his criticism. I think he does still think it but that he is not trying to be hurtful does make a difference.

Ive decided to return to the dharma and return to meditation and spiritual reflection. I think doing that will help me enourmously. Ive been far too hedonistic of recent months and I think leading a more monkish life will do me good. I definately think giving up relationships will lead me to have more time for myself and my interests and more energy to devote to positive things and get out of being so self focused.

Its funny how relationships can bring out the worst in us, it makes me so self consious and self critical. I stop doing the things I need to do in order to focus all my attention on my love interest. I think it is very unhealthy.

So I shall disapline myself about meditation, yoga and celibacy.

I'm sorry to hear you're still having a bit of a rough time, and that you split up with your boyfriend. I hope things pick up a bit.

Let me know if you want to take me up on the offer of a chat... we can either do it online, or I'll call you.

Don't give up the hedonism too much, some of us are looking forward to that Saturday afternoon in the pub!