My closest friend may be putting a man in jail...

Post Reply New Topic

...who I'm not entirely convinced is guilty, and I don't know what do to.

Hi, I'm Kaine. Long time reader, never saw the need to post. Diagnosed with Asperger's at a very young age. I have a problem, but isn't about me. I'm going to tell a story now, it will likely be long, but please read... even if you can't help me, venting will help me somewhat. I wouldn't be here if I didn't need help.

There are 2 characters in this story. The first we shall call Roy. I don't know Roy to well, but he is a middle aged to elderly man with a somewhat shy appearance, and a noticeably high pitched voice. A few years ago, due to the fact that we had no teacher, the band program was cut from my school. Gone, like *snap*. As you can imagine, many musically interested students and parents were pretty pissed off. Roy has been around for a while, but he became the salvation of these people. He owned a business across the street from the school called the "House of Rock", which was an after school band program for kids interested in music and band. Though I believe the business has been around for a while, it has become quite popular since. Keep in mind that Roy takes time out of his own life to teach all these kids music and charges a minimal amount in return. They all seem to love him. While I don't play an instrument myself, I've heard nothing but high praise for Roy. Including my mother and my sister, who is in the program. The only exception being one person...

My closest friend. We shall call her Julia. She is the most honest and trustworthy person I know. She is so kind, but quiet and meek. Julia knows I have Asperger's syndrome, yet she continues to be my friend, even though my emotions have not always let me be the best of friends to her. She is a strange girl, even though she can act quite normal in public. Julia acts happy a lot of the time when she is in public, but I am one of the few people know she is quite damaged. Daddy issues, parents leaving her, depression... and were about to come to the next thing on the list. She is going to be the main subject of this post. The reason I ask about her on here, even though she is technically neurotypical, is not only because I am an Aspie, but because I believe she is as damaged as a lot of Aspies on here, from what I've seen from a lot of Haven posts. Maybe, hopefully, someone can relate to her. For I care for her dearly.

Let's rewind a few years. Julia is in Roy's "House of Rock" program and becoming a proficient guitarist. I'm not sure how long she was there exactly, but about 1.5 year's ago in the February of 2008, she suddenly quit her band program. Then, she filed molestation charges against Roy. It was big news as you can imagine, I live in a pretty small town. Word travels fast. Roy and his wife went into hiding for a while after the accusations were made. And because of his status among the community for all the work he's done for the kids, its safe to say Julia made a lot of enemies. She received many threatening calls and could not leave the house for about a month. She and her family had no evidence to these charges. A restraining order was placed on Roy to stay away from Julia and the school, but the charges were never followed up upon. Julia went back to school (No longer in the House of Rock of course.), Roy's business continued to thrive, and all went back to normal for a good long time.

Fast forward to the world of today. Something changed that I don't yet know about, and a little while ago Julia took Roy to court. Yesterday, I learned that he was found guilty, a sentence has not yet been decided upon, but it's looking to be jail. For how long, I don't know. I did not learn this from Julia, but from my sister and mother. They did not sound respectful of my friend Julia for obvious reasons. And my sister was pissed enough to no doubt tell the entire school and town in the long run. I did not hear any of this in the usual hustle and bustle of gossip in school today, but I still felt like I was breaking inside.

History is repeating itself as it usually does, and this time I think Julia's going to get more then threatening phone calls. I don't see any way this can end well for Julia. She is not a stupid girl, but she is so consumed in her battle for revenge that she is oblivious to the consequences of her actions. There are many kids in the House of Rock, as I've said before. Roy is a respected man, If she puts him in jail, hell will rain down from the skies. They will find her, tie her to a cross and burn her to death as a witch. I'm speaking in metaphor, but you get my point.

I don't even know where I stand anymore. Julia is my friend, and I trust her... we have talked a total of 3 times about this case. Each time I have noticed the following: She never names Roy, she does not seem to want to criminalize him, she always distances herself from the event, and obviously does not just want attention. She is highly uncomfortable talking about it... even over the internet via text. All symptoms of truth in my sight, but she has no evidence at all that I've seen, and the few times I have met Roy he seems like a perfectly decent guy. My mother and sister certainly think so. Because of all this, I can't assume if one is lying, the other, both, or neither.

Please help me. My friend is in danger, a man may be going to jail who doesn't deserve it, and I don't know what to do. Time is slipping away... I don't know when a sentence will be lain down, and by then it will be too late.

But thank you for reading.
(Julia, my friend, if somehow read this... forgive me if I have made any inaccuracies in this story. Earth protect you.)

I don't really know what to say. I don't want to not say anything, 'cause it kinda sucks when nobody replies, and I've seen some people get really upset when a lot of people read and don't reply, and when I post, I'm always checking back for replies and stuff..
Something slightly similar sounding actually happened in my middle school.. I think it was similar, anyways.. I didn't know the details.

You have no evidence either way. As a person observing from the sidelines it's hard. The key phrase is "Yesterday, I learned that he was found guilty". I hope the jury weighed any and all evidence before deciding the case.

Often victims are told not to talk about the details because it might compromise the case. Because the case involved a minor, the details may never come out.

Your friend sounds like she needs someone to stand by her... right or wrong. If someone ask why you are supporting her, say flat out "because she is my friend!"

I don't really know what to say to you either . I personally feel if someone sexually abuses someone else (does anything to them w/o consent) they should be punished, period. Unless she named "Roy" as her abuser, though he isn't for some reason, he sounds guilty b/c of the charges. You may want (or find a way to get a therapist) to ask if she was abused by someone else (the only way I can imagine him being innocent is if she framed him to cover for someone else/another relative or friend, etc.). It's just a really unfortunate situation.

I think that possibility was what prompted the post to begin with.

If he's going to jail, then the man was convicted in a court of law. This is not the same as a personal law suit, which is what's generally meant by someone taking someone else to court. Your friend did not "take him to court," the state did. Obviously, there was evidence that you do not know about -- probably because it is a very private issue for your friend and because she could not legally discuss evidence in an on-going prosecution.

You should talk to your friend about this and her reasons for testifying.

Things to remember when you do so:

1. Molestation is not a minor social faux pas. It is a violent crime and will have emotional and possibly physical repercussions for the victim that will last throughout her lifetime.

2. This man is a sexual preditor who violated the trust of the families of his students to use the school system as his private hunting ground. It is highly unlikelythat your friend was his only victim. Your friend is the only victim you know about. There are very likely others who were too afraid or too traumatised to come forward -- or who have come forward to present evidence and you just don't know about them yet. Bringing charges against him was not an act of revenge. It was holding a violent criminal with a very high probability of repeating his offense accountable for his actions. These guys and gals never only do it once.

3. The people who commit these and similar violent crimes are often masters at manipulating people and seeming to be whatever they want others to think they are in order to further their own agendas. Not that long ago a young medical student that everyone thought was a perfect example of the best and brightest was arrested on charges of armed robbery and murder as the Craigslist killer. I'm sure he seemed perfectly decent, too.

pschristmas,

It's important to remember that in our judicial system, innocent people can also be found guilty and incarcerated. I personally would be much less quick to damn this guy, especially considering that I know absolutely nothing about the case. Molestation is a serious crime, yes, but you really shouldn't be saying stuff like "there are likely others you don't know about, so we should trust that the system did right". This is a very dangerous presumption. Obviously, the issue is that the OP is not sure that the system did right. It's totally reasonable for the OP to be wrestling with this issue. It's unbelievably difficult. If I were the OP, the only thing that would settle my own mind would be to do some fact finding of my own. If Julia is willing to talk about it, talking to her about it honestly and nonjudgmentally may go a long way. She's going through a tough time right now, and she really could use a friend, but that doesn't mean that critical thinking skills have to go out the window.

To the OP: Sorry, I can't offer any easy, simple solutions. It's a terrible, unfortunate mess. Julia sure could use a friend for emotional support right about now. No matter what you choose to do, all I can say is that standing up and doing the right thing is never easy. That assumes that the right thing was even all that easy to identify. Wish you all the best.

There are 2 characters in this story. The first we shall call Roy. I don't know Roy to well, but he is a middle aged to elderly man with a somewhat shy appearance

I've heard that unlike other criminals like gang members, many sexual predators appear meek or shy.
If the court found him guilty, then he's guilty. Like what has been said before, there could be clear evidence that no one else could see or have access to, and the situation could be too traumatising for your friend to talk about. Eventually, this guy will have to be replaced by another music teacher.

Wise thoughts, wise words.

Thanks everyone for posting. I do appreciate you posting even if your not sure what to say. I do intend to be a friend to her during this time... if she lets me. God knows she's cut other people off who have tried to do the same thing. She's an odd thing, when others in her position would want comfort and support, she goes into seclusion. I hope this isn't one of those times. I'll try to be her friend as best I can.

Just to clarify, from what I hear, there is no evidence in this trial. Period. It's words vs words here from what I can tell, but I can't say that with certainty.

Its hard. Apart from the judge, I seem to be alone in even considering that Julia is telling the truth. The entire town, and even my own family believes without doubt she is a liar. I suppose my family have a right to be, they actually know Roy well enough to believe him innocent. I barely know him at all. Yes, having him falsely incarcerated is something that weighs heavily on my mind. But its mostly the repercussions that will come to Julia if he goes to jail. The entire town is against her... I don't know if she will be able to show her face at public school again, let alone walk the streets of this small town. I don't think her family has the money to move again... But this is all fruitless worrying. Thanks again.

It's very true that the justice system does make mistakes. However, no one is ever convicted on no evidence whatsoever, as the OP is suggesting. The OP's telling of this story and word choice ("my friend is sending someone to jail..."; "she took him to court" rather than the DA pressed charges against him; she's "...consumed in her battle for revenge..."; his sister and mother are not respectful of the girl "for obvious reasons...", etc.) is very dismissive of his friend's experience. In fact, it appears to me that the OP's presumption is that his friend is lying about what happened to her, which can cause just as much emotional damage to the victim of a rape as the original crime. There's actually a term for it in the literature: it's called the "second rape." It often comes from police or medical workers who are supposed to be helping the victim, but can also come from friends and family who, for their own reasons, indicate to the victim (whether female or male) that their experience wasn't all that bad, that they shouldn't complain, that they asked for it, that they deserved it, that if they didn't want it they should have been able to fight back, etc.

In light of this, I'd like to amend my earlier advice. If you can't be supportive, don't go near her. Give her space and let her find her peace. Her withdrawal from displays of sympathy is common behavior for rape victims. She will not behave the way you expect her to behave and the only person who can determine what will be viewed as supportive or negative behavior is the victim herself and she may not be able to predict her own reactions until they happen. Things other people intend to be supportive may in fact be horribly harmful from the victim's perspective.

If you want your mind at ease, go find out more about this case. Court proceedings are a matter of public record. Find out. Coming here and saying you can't figure out who is lying (because "he seems like a perfectly decent guy") isn't going to help you because we now have the same information that you do and (in true aspie style) are creating two camps and falling on each other.

If you want us to help, provide us with more detail about the case (state, court, Roy's full name and/or the case number (since he is a convicted felon and this is public record now (otherwise PM it to me if you're uncomfortable))) and I'll go look it up either online or by calling the courthouse and getting a transcript.

Also, bear in mind that she is your true friend who has stuck by you when others did not. If you wish to reciprocate this friendship "properly", you should support her first and ask questions later.

But right now, it's time for me to join a camp . I agree with pschristmas on this one. He's been found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in a criminal proceeding, not a civil suit. I don't need to know details to damn him. He is already damned by our judicial system (guilty). For all we know, he broke down on the stand and admitted it or pled guilty.

And innocent people are always found guilty and incarcerated. Head to any jail, query any inmate. They're all innocent. Mistakes happen, of course, but statistically they are rare. If all one sees are the high-profile DNA exonerations, it creates the artifical idea that this vast plethora of inmates are innocent. It's like plane crashes. You always hear about them in the news, but there are far many more car crashes making airplanes a safer method of travel. Yet many people are terrified of air travel because of how this is publicized.

When you want to get away with something, do the unbeliveble.

And don't listen to gossip, listen to facts. Talk to any policemen, they'll thell you that the most dangerous people is those you don't view as dangerous. (My cousin is a police.)

Something I have noticed in what the thread starter posted and that is that nobody else has made an accusation against this 'Roy' character' If he is such a monster that some other people on here have already assumed that he is (regardless of what a court says they do make mistakes afterall). then why has there been no other complaints about him. Sexual predators are often constant re-offenders who try, find and corrupt as many victims as possible.

It's best to try get more facts on the case, but the the fact your friend 'Julia' has had so many people turn against shows what a lot of other people think.

Erm, I think that what's happening to Julia because of it would explain that..

The sad thing is it always seems to be the man's fault, no matter how horrible the girl is or how innocent the man actually is