Never Had a Fear of Death During Childhood

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During the last week or so, I narrowly avoided a serious car accident that could have resulted in a bad injury. I came out OK (physically at least) and the car did even not come in contact with the truck that was involved. I was partially responsible for it (tried to change lanes too quickly), so I didn't bother trying to get the license plate number. Then I had to pull into a parking lot and get outside to a few minutes to cool off. Afterwards, I headed home to drink a few beers and smoke a cigarette to relax enough to be able to fall asleep.

While I was shaken up by that situation, it got me thinking. When I was a kid (before age 13), I never had a fear of death. I had a healthy fear of losing my family, and my grandparents explained death in a very calm and dignified manner. But while I was afraid of losing people in my life, I never feared my own death. If anything, I was more afraid of losing my family and possessions than I was of losing my life. I remember how I was in a medical clinic to get a shot, and I took a pamphlet home; it talked about the possible ramifications of a vaccine (no, autism wasn't one of them). There was a line in the pamphlet: "as with many medical treatments, there is a risk of death". I cried that night; not because I could die, but because someone in my family could die (that disclaimer was probably there strictly for legal reasons, but I took it literally).

In retrospect, it got me thinking: why wasn't I worried for my own death at all? In the case of the pamphlet warning, it might seem like a case of selflessness, but there's gotta be more to it than that. Even when a bully made a nasty joke about throwing me off a bridge, all I told him was "do whatever, just don't take my things". This brings me to another question. Just how common is this among aspie kids? I read somewhere that very old people don't fear death, so is that in any way connected to my lack of fear in childhood? If you can comment, post your thoughts. Thanks.

I remember fearing death when I was only like four or five. I was petrified over the idea that I wouldn't live forever.

As a child I didn't fear death, but that was partly because I was convinced there was some sort of life after death - I couldn't envisage not existing and I thought dying would be interesting - seeing what would come next. I was very interested in it as a teenager.

And then after my suicide attempt at 17 and recovery from depression, I became terrified of dying. I think it was partly due to rapidly losing any type of faith (I'd stopped believing in a Christian type of God long before, but I still thought there should be some type of justice and meaning in life for most of my teens) and realising that I wasn't important, nothing was looking out for me, there was no meaning and life was all I had. Death really horrified me - the thought of just not existing any more. I think at that time I would have done almost anything to avoid death, even if it involved hurting other people.

However, things changed after my second depression (at about 30). I had a period when I really just didn't want to live any more - not existing seemed like the only relief - I couldn't even imagine being happy again. And since that time, even though I no longer feel like that, I still have the memory of that tiredness with life and I no longer have the fear of death. Of course, I think in reality, if someone threatened to kill me or I was under a death sentence, I wouldn't be completely OK with that and it would make me nervous (although only the process of dying, which might be painful, rather than actually being dead). What it does mean is that I feel more free to do what I think is right because I no longer put self protection above all things - e.g. I would intervene if I saw someone being attacked etc. But I remember what it was like to fear death, and I don't blame anyone who walks on past. And I still fear pain.

I don't think the thought ever really occurred when I was young... if it did I was more or less intrigued rather than scared. I don't fear death... and as I recall, I don't think I ever have done.

My perceptions on the subject may be a little different if I ever find myself close to death, however.

I did not fear death as a small child. I nearly drown once and while I was underwater, it did not occur to me to save myself, I was to captivated by what I was experiencing. I overdosed once as a teenager and thought to myself as I was passing out, how curious I was to find out what happens next... I was kind of exited by it. I still do not fear death... the whole idea of it intrigues me... you never know for sure what it is like until it happens. Not that I have a death wish, but I appreciate knowing that one day I will get the chance to go through that experience.

I've feared death since the instant I first understood the concept. Its kinda why I'm interested in transhumanism and understanding and stopping the aging process; death is perhaps the most compelling piece of evidence that nature doesn't give a damn about us, and that the universe was not created for our benefit, and as such the most glaring fault.