Where is my life going?

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I'm just going to list these things.

1. I have recently attained a Learner's Permit, but I have no one who is willing to teach me how to drive or any way to get a car. I have to take the city bus.

2. I am going to a community college on financial aid, but I am having a strong urge to withdraw and wait until I can move to a state that doesn't require me to take a foreign language class, and I am much too depressed and lazy to study.

3. I am living on disability, which is just enough to pay rent on my apartment, but my disability claim won't be ultimately determined until I go to an exam that they have set up for me on November the 3rd. I'm very afraid that my disability will get reduced if it changes from Autism (I was diagnosed at 2) to Asperger's Syndrome (what I think I really have) or something.

4. My life is empty. There is hardly anyone in my life. My family does not support me at all, I do not have any friends, etc.

5. I have no talents. I often think about trying to draw again, but I have been too lazy to go through with drawing a picture.

6. I have lost touch with myself. Have I ever had any touch with myself in the first place. Where;s that urge to learn something new? Why do I not want to go to college at all? Why do I just want to stay on the computer all day and lay about and eat? How am I going to get any decent grades in college. Why does everyone seem to think I'm a competent person when really I am very lazy and easily mentally fatigued. Where's my will to live?

I have been up all night and I have a Spanish class in the morning (at the time of this posting) and a Spanish chapter test on Friday. ARGH!! Why can't just everyone LEAVE ME ALONE!?! I want to just drop out of college while I still have an empty transcript and just lay about until the day I die. I have lost all motivation in life because I often have no one to turn to when I need something and I fail so badly when if I had the will to live, I would've been an awesome aspie even though I'm not very sociable and come across as awkward. And why do I have to learn a new language when I cannot learn it in the way that it is being taught at the college?

I dropped my English Comp I class because of my frustrations with the social aspect and the daily grade thing and EVERYTHING!! ! I have made zero progress in my online music appreciation course because I got very frustrated with the dryness and generic nature of the material. I can do this. Just don't stick me with all these stupid things!

Maybe I wasn't ready for college, but when will I be? Where is my life going?

I don't know but try to hang on Celtic Frost.

1. Have you reached out / begged someone in your family to take you driving? Or pay for lessons?

2. Is there any language you would like to learn other than Spanish? You can only learn a language well if you are committed to the study and memorization, so you will probably fail if you do it half heartedly.

3. Try to make your symptoms seem worse and more.. Autistic than just Asperger-y?

4. Family should always be there. Do you ever visit them? I don't know how to make friends. You could try going to a church or something, religious people are generally nice.

5. Were you good at drawing before you stopped?

6. I think it's kind of a chicken/egg situation. You're either depressed because your life isn't going anywhere or the other way round.


Do you have any special interests you can channel your attention to?

You're only eighteen. Many do not know when they're 28.
Try to relax and enjoy life, then you might understand what your calling is.

Sound like a depression, maybe you should consulting.

I know how your feeling since I'm going through much the same thing. I'm in similiar circumstances except I have a job I don't really like, and I'm living at home. I have a learners permit too but I don't have anyone to teach me how to drive. If you want to talk just pm me.

1. I've never been able to drive due to epilepsy. It happens. You might see about a driving tutor or school to help; I know it costs money, but that's the only viable option sometimes.

2. If you're not motivated to be in school, don't go. Take some time off.

3. The disability interviews/doctor's visits can be frightening. Definitely don't minimize your symptoms.

4. Sometimes life throws curveballs. You'll eventually figure out what you can/like to do career wise.