My life falling down, PLS ADVISE ASAP

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NomadicAssassin
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19 Oct 2009, 2:49 pm

:cry: As i write this im crying because of quite a few different emotions, but thats not the point, im 16 male, however i have not got the mind of a 16 yr old, i dont like other teenagers, im not going to lie i'm desprately attached to my parents, ive got severe depression and severe anxiety along with AS, i have tried suicied once ( but please dont focus on this ), im not think about it right now or in any future just thought i should give the facts as they are, my life hasent been easy recently, i cant go to school, i have two classes online in which im struggling, my mom has to litteraly do the homework for me, because i just sit there confused and in shock i dont know why, im terribly scared of being on my own, im on the verge of doing nothing unless it express bliss towards me ( and that is very few things ), i have no intrest in anything, my father isnt a feelings person so i go to my mom who is having a hard time if not the same worse than me, and me and her are really the two people in my family that deal with my disorders, we live in some what rural area, not much help fo autism here, or atleast easily accessable ones, we're just now switching my plan at the school from a 405 to special education, and i dont know if thats going to help or not, so we ( me and my mom ) are both constantly in conplete agony and confusion, i dont know what the for see able future is going to be, im scared to see what it is, im getting worse every day after over 2 yrs therapy and meds and all that ect... What really kills me is i know all of my problems but cant fix them im probably going to live with my parents for a while, im terrified of group homes thanks to a week in an institution for the wrong reasons, if someone could possibly help me know a little more about what to expect in the future, i dont know if ive given enough info, and i dont mean my location or area of living, but any help would be appriciated.


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LiendaBalla
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19 Oct 2009, 4:28 pm

1: You're not an idiot 2: You do not need to be morphed or fixed. You only need meds and such to cope. 3: Having someone help you does not equal "lazy moron". 4: You're only 16, goodness sakes. It's far too early to worry about moveing out.

It seems to me you feel some kind of pressure to be smart. Your Mom, a female does it for you. Now, in my oppinion, if you or a relative has often considered your differences a "problem for everyone", her doing your work for you only adds to the discomfort. I assume the depression worsenes your self doubt. Let her know how you feel about homework, so she can hopefully understand that your not slacking to be annoying.

If you don't understand the problem, let them know. If you feel you do understand it, do tell. I still use that method with people when I don't understand their explanation. Sometimes they get impatient after having to tell me the fourth time or so. It beats thinking real hard in vain, because we could work out different ways for me to get it. (I admit their question "how can I make it easier?" Is not helpful, so I have to tell them how I learn things and how I remember it faster)

Second, you focus on primarily your short commings, not what you finished or gained. right? Thus, you look at the future as being dark. I do it all the time myself over the job industry. Just do what you can, and don't hurry yourself.

I have personaly taken basic math classes in College with other adults that come from different walks of life. There are likely plenty of other basic edgucations that people redue. I took pre-algebra three times, and I don't have it nailed yet. I forgot what I learned.



sufi
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19 Oct 2009, 4:56 pm

Good Advice from LiendaBalla.

May I add, you are so worried about the future and your performance it is getting in the way of the here and now. The future will always be there. Learn to stay in the moment. (actually meditation can help with this)

Your Mom should not be "doing" your work. It will only make it worst down the road. I went back to college at 47 and when I found myself over my head in algebra I got a tutor. He was great. He was able to explain things so I could understand it. I think a tutor, who would not do the work but help you on a one to one, and you don't have to stress on performance, could be of help. You will feel better about yourself because you can learn to do this.

And yes, don't worry about moving out. Big difference between 16 and like 24. Sixteen yearolds are suppose to still be dependent on their parents.


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SkittlesMcBingBing
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20 Oct 2009, 1:48 pm

As you move to find the best ways to make this situation better, remember to be yourself, whomever that is.

It's a lesson I learned far too late in life. True, there's a metric truckload of social situations where being myself is innapropriate and awkward, but that's partially why I write things. I get it out one day, then use the trusty backspace key to refine what I've said so it's as permanently poignant as possible.

If you're worried that at 16 you're "not like a normal teenager" because you don't want to hang out with others, don't sweat it. I remember teenage life as an awkward mess for me, where I'd come home from school and immediately set up camp in front of the computer, or video game system, or a book. I hardly did anything with anyone until my senior year (18) and then with some younger students.

But part of that was finding out who I was and what I wanted to do in life, and as I went to college, I tried all sorts of new things, failing embarassingly at plenty of them (graduated 6 years later...) but now 26 years old, been living on my own for a year, and confident in the wacky, ADHD, partial blessing, sometimes frustrating wiring system my body's been built with.

Short answer: I still don't know what to do in life.

But that's part of my thing. Just moving on with what I can see in the near future, working and saving up money for marriage/kids, and more confident in the person I am, even though I'm occasionally an antisocial mess.

There's no guarantee you'll grow the same way I did (your story is likely to differ hugely) but I urge you to focus on the good things you do and enjoy now. What are those activities you do in life that bring you bliss? I think, especially with your mom's help, that could jumpstart some projects for the now and focus your energy on the positive.


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