How do I tell my family that I'm bisexual?

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Question's in the title.

People at school know that I'm bisexual, and I don't really have a problem with them knowing (most of them weren't too obnoxious about it anyway), but the problem is that my brother goes to the same school as me, and he has heard this rumour. When he asked me about it, I didn't want to say, so I dismissed the question by blaming it on the rumour mill (which is a reasonable excuse, really, because it's very rare that rumours about me are true). But that approach isn't going to last forever, and I'd much rather just be open about it. I don't want to hide who I am from my family anymore.

My family aren't really all that tolerant (though some are more tolerant than others). My brother is an outright bigot (quote from him today: "They shouldn't let gays and lesbians into normal schools. It's just wrong."). My mum is rather two-faced about her bigotry - she often preaches tolerance and understanding, but she acts like a freakin' child whenever two guys or two girls are kissing on TV or whatever. So her reaction could go either way. I'm not really sure about my dad. His only bigotries are against the French and the "communist left-wing" (but I'm already a socialist and he isn't too bothered about that), but I'm still not sure if he'd be ok about it.

How can I tell them????

If someone is irrational, a bigot or whatever it would be a toss up in the air if my methods work.

Time and time again, humans have failed to be reasonable and choose rationality in place of their views which are based on ignorance, conditioning or several other destroyers of seeking truth.

So, my attempt to help only comes down to this:
Find out what it is that creates this rather vile tripe.
See if you can understand their perspective.

Use that to research how one can address what they say, which does not shut them down automatically and informs them of their flawed views.

Why do I call them flawed views?

Apply even the most basic aspect of critical thinking and there is nothing to justify hatred/bigotry for bisexual/homosexuality.

There is no argument or justifiable reasons to hold this hate beyond that of emotion or delusion.

Basically, it sounds like a big friggen headache for you and a lot of effort will be required based on what it sounds like.

I just had a discussion (and I use the word "discussion" loosely. Does communicating with pondlife constitute a discussion, I wonder?) with my brother about this. He just says that it's wrong at our age (I'm in high school), to which I replied that boys and girls go out with each other at our age, and he says that's ok because it's normal. At that point I remembered my rule about not arguing with irrational people, morons, or irrational morons.

And this is BEFORE I've told him. I expect that when I tell him, his initial reaction will be peals of hysterical laughter (he's 12, he's supposed to have grown out of acting so childishly, but I guess he missed that memo).

I didn't come out to my parents until I was in University.

The announcement was not without its stress, but at the end of the day, I felt very relieved for it being known. My parents may have gone through emotional difficulties, but my partner is now a member of family (and has been for many years).

For me, it has been a positive experience, but I waited until I was no longer living at home to do it. 2009 is a very different time than 1989, so your needs are probably different than mine were.

At the end of the day, your parents are still your parents, and they will come around. And the opinion of a mouthy 12 year old doesn't really amount to much in the cosmic scheme of things.

I can sympathise a little. I have 2 men in my family who hate gays, and a mom that doesn't understand.

Best of luck to you. You can only tell them when you are ready, imo. Sorry you're brother is being a jerk.

They know.

My brother read my emails over my shoulder, and has barely left me alone since (he thinks it's hilarious. I wish I'd bet £10 on this being his reaction). My mother seems to be pretending she didn't hear it (denial much?).

I guess this saves me the awkwardness of having to tell them myself. Though my dad still doesn't know, because he doesn't live with us. However, my brother is saying he'll call Dad and tell him (this appears to be an attempt to annoy me even more), so I might not have to tell him either.

If your family is a bunch of homophobic pigs, my advice to is to not come out until you get financially and socially independent. If you're old enough and your heterosexist brother keeps invading your privacy, move out.

If I were gay or bisexual, I'd prefer to tell only those family members I had confidence would be reasonable, and then only if I wanted to.

If it poses a real problem, you may need to continue to let your brother think it is a rumour.

It really depends on:

1. How likely is it that your brother will find the truth on his own?
2. What would be the consequences of him finding out versus you divulging the information on your own terms?

My nephew is gay and he had a horribly painful time convincing himself to tell some of our family.

He seemed happy that all I cared about was the fact that he was happy, and that I was proud of the honest, sensitive and caring man he has become.

So if you do decide to tell someone in yur family, it may or may not be best to start woth your brother. Only you can feel your way through that choice.

I wish you all the best in what must be a really scary time.

Update: I told my mother this morning, and she said that I was being "silly" and that I'm too young to know what I am.

You could use that quote on your most charming brother. When he gets on your case about what is normal, tell him not to be silly, he's too young to know his sexuality, so who knows whether he's hetero? Mum said so, and mum knows.

That's an awesome idea!

I am sorry your brother is being such a pain. I am sorry that your mother dismissed what you had to say like that. I know how difficult it is to figure out what to say and then work up the nerve to follow through with it. When I told my mother she said to me, "I could have lived my whole life without knowing that." I just thought it would be good to know before I showed up for Thanksgiving dinner with my girlfriend. Heh. I knew when I was a young child that I liked both males and females. I never made a gender distinction or understood why I was supposed to only like males. I hate it when people tell you that you are too young to know what you are. I knew when I was five. I am thirty two now and still feel the same. I know it is hard to be patient with them, but they will not come around and be okay until they are ready to. This can be an especially difficult wait when you are dealing with people who hold to intolerant views. Try not to let them get you down. You know who you are and that is what is most important.

Our family environments are sometimes unpredictable as well as uncomfortable and coming out is always an emotional process for all involved.

Do only what you feel comfortable with.

I'm not sure how old you are but if you plan on going to college, go someplace you feel comfortable with that is away from home. This allows for you to explore an independent life within an autonomous environment which can make the topic more comfortable for everyone.

Have you heard of AfterEllen.com? It's an excellent place to go on the internet, hang out, read about visibility and generally converse with the Bi and Lesbian Communities of all ages.

I held back on saying I was bi to my parents, I think if I had ever decided to make the switch to
women only then yes I would have told them, but since both my parents have passed on, it has
become a non issue.

Not bisexual, but there are family members who would have a field day if I dated anyone who wasn't heterosexual and Christian.

I sympathize with you on this- I got the exact same reaction when I came out to my Dad and Step-mom at 15 (which led to me 'redoing it' with my dad a year later; only to have him inform me that he had believed me the first time . Thanks for unneccesary painc attack dad.)