No more will, no more energy

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I am going through a rough time now, because I don't know where I am going.

I have an idea of what I want my life to be like, and I am worried that if it can never be like that, it can't be enjoyable.

I have envisioned my life as being:

In a city I can enjoy, with many hike and bike trails, and plenty of places to do and see. I even planned it to many specifics, such as the car I want, and even where I plan to buy my furniture.

As for relationships, all I want is a female Christian Aspie who likes to be outdoors and travel, and where our life outside of work would involve going out to eat at good restaurants (even if it's just a chain restaurant), going to the movies (mainstream or indie/foreign), or just cuddling on the couch at home watching Comedy Central or Adult Swim or IFC or Sundance. I want one who doesn't drink or smoke or use drugs, and I like soft music (indie pop, smooth jazz, etc.). As for sex, I don't think I can save myself until marriage, or limit it to procreational purposes (which, unfortunately, would conflict with her having to be a Christian). I also prefer people who have college degrees, because they are more likely to like the atmospheres I like (it's not a money thing). One who isn't needy or desperate for attention. By this I mean someone who won't interpret my not being on IM at a certain time of the day every day as a sign of disinterest, for example (because I can't plan my priorities around someone else's IM schedule--this is why I prefer telephone).

In other words, someone who likes hanging out in places with cultured, ambient atmospheres, but isn't too old-fashioned. Yet it seems like those with the same interests are either into the whole hippie or punk rock lifestyle, and that just isn't me. I have tried sacrificing some of these things, but if I pretended to be someone else to attract someone, I would only end up resenting that person later on.

In other words, Artsy meets Yuppie.

But I am worried that I am shooting for something I can never have, yet it's the only type of life I am comfortable with.

Tim, I may be totally stating the obvious here, but...

Naw I gotcha, mine was more about your stated preference for "indie pop, smooth jazz"--I was talking about being flexible about actual musical tastes, not the "lifestyle".

Hell, I somewhat like hippie music and punk rock, and I have no problem whatsoever with alcohol or "hippie drugs", and I wouldn't want to date someone that was actually into either of those "scenes" or "lifestyles" or however you want to put it. I wasn't suggesting you need to be flexible about that, not at all

Except for the premarital/non-procreational sex, I am completely traditional when it comes to relationships. But I have had nothing but disaster with NTs, and many Aspies are opting for friends with benefits, rather than the traditional relationship. And many of them don't want kids, and I do.

Who am I kidding? The person I am looking for doesn't exist.

Sorry, I am not quite sure what the criteria are for a "traditional" relationship. I mean, I have an idea, but I don't know what specifically that entails for you.

"Traditional", as opposed to friends with benefits (platonic friendship with sex, without ever officially being boyfriend and girlfriend).

In your eyes, can a traditional relationship begin as friends with benefits?

I mean, I've had a couple of very long relationships (by the standards of a 26 year old dude anyway i.e. 2 1/2 years and 4 years) that began like friends----->friends with benefits----->"traditional relationships" (the time frames above are just the "traditional" parts of them)... It seems to me that's pretty much the norm these days, yeah.

I think it's a pretty blurry line between the "benefits" stage and the "traditional", at least in some cases. But of course that's a matter of perception.

Along with me being in Red Deer, Alberta, I am not quite suitable.

I grew up a christian, but I am a non-practicing christian.I havent been to church much since I left my parents house.I believe in God and many of the biblical stuff, but I am not a bible thumper.

Red Deer has lots of the bike and hike trails btw, along with the river which is clean enough for people to tube on in the summer, rec facilities, Red Deer is basically quite world class for a small city.All of the commodities and such, but less crime.We are only about 2 hours from the Canadian rockies.Lots of lakes in the Red Deer Area.Red Deer has many nice restaraunts of various ethnicities and has a world class selection to choose from.Many great places.I have been here a year and yet still havent tried them all.Red Deer has all kinds of festivities throughout the year.


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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW98ZC7IDo8[/youtube]


I have done, and don't mind once in a while having a doobie.I do like my rye whiskey and Molson Canadian beer.

I will have a college diploma as of after next year.I finished my first year of a two year paralegal course at the Red Deer College, which for a college, is quite good.

I am just south of Austin, a city that is virtually devoid of female Aspies. San Antonio isn't much better.

Every time you set a bunch of unrealistic expectations you get one of two results;

1. Nothing - if nothing meets the expectations, then you get ... nothing.

2. Liars - if something/someone seems to meet a set of unrealistic expectations, then they're lying.

It's the same with all aspects of life, jobs, romance etc.

You must ditch the expectations or choose only one.

eg:

Female who likes cartoons (I'd advise against this as your primary goal)
Female aspie (likewise)
Female who is similarly religiously minded (this, I think, needs to be your primary, since you don't appear able to accept anything else).

Just join a local church group and participate...
...really participate...
go to meetings, read/quote passages etc...

Talk about things, don't just listen.

Don't go on about your love life. In particular, don't talk about past experiences - it's probably T.M.I.


Don't try to ask about any of your other questions/criteria. Just enjoy the moment and if you're pleasant enough, you'll find that someone will want to go out with you.

What are the pros and cons of the three people you mentioned? (female Aspie, one who likes cartoons, etc.)

Three possibilities...

Female who likes Cartoons (but is anything but Christian, and isn't aspie).
You'll have lots of fun watching cartoons with this particular person but eventually your strong Christian views are going to cause you to try to force her to convert (or you'll judge her on her beliefs - because that's what fundamentalist Christians do). Mixed religious backgrounds certainly work in relationships but only when one isn't a fundamentalist. I've got plenty of "friends" in Christian/Buddhist relationships or Atheist/Christian relationships. They work - provided that there is no desire to "convert".

Female who is Aspie but doesn't like Cartoons and Isn't Christian
This just won't work for you. Sure, she might be more understanding but aside from the conversion problem (above), you've also got this problem where she doesn't like your favourite things. For some reason, you're convinced that aspie women won't cheat but we've seen from the forums that although they're less inclined to play mind games, aspie women are just the same as neurotypical women in most respects. There's not necessarily a measurable difference which impacts fidelity.

Female who has the same moral/religious grounds as you but doesn't like cartoons and isn't aspie
If you can agree with this sort of person on the big stuff, then you're not going to have so much conflict in your life. Sure, she might not be interested in cartoons but you can watch them by yourself. Even better, you can promise to watch some romantic comedies with her in exchange for her watching some of your things. It's a compromise which will lead you to new experiences. You may even get her to enjoy cartoons after a while... I can now watch some romantic comedies - though ones with Meg "Cry'n" Ryan still make me ill. The fact that your female isn't aspie might impact her understanding of your condition a little but if she loves you, she will learn.