I'm sorry you're having a hard time - I think I noticed some posts where you mentioned your parents not being supportive. I think it's often more difficult for adult undiagnosed aspies, as their parents can just get tired to see them getting into the same kind of troubles over and over again and without understanding what causes this it's easy to end up seeing them as lazy, selfish and immature... I know it happened to me and at one time in my life they almost convinced me that I was responsible for everything going wrong in their life...
I'm probably just projecting here
I just wanted to express sympathy for problems I might be familiar with... Good luck
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"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" (Oscar Wilde)