I'm getting to hating visiting my old homestead

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Hello hello! I'm back in the Haven again. I'd give you three guesses as to what I'm gonna b---h and complain and rant about, but I have a feeling you're only gonna need one.

(also, this thread might contain something that some might feel is more suited to the Adult Issues forum, but I don't consider it to be sexual, so I'm typing it here. But any mod can feel free to move this thread there if it qualifies.)

Lately, my mandatory visits back at my old homestead (because of appointments I have to be driven to) have become quite unpleasant for me to deal with, because of recent things that my father (surprise, surprise ) has done to piss me off.

Take tonight, 20 minutes before I typed this; I was walking down the stairs with a half-full soda can in my hand, and stopped to rest at the bottom, putting down the can on one of the stairs so I could fix my shoelaces. No more then 10 seconds go by, and my dad had to tell me to not forget my can when I was done. Argh! Being the hardcore soda drinker I am, it's not f***ing likely that I'd have forgotten to take it with me. I KNOW he only told me that because he's a pussy-whipped stooge who always obeys 'Mother'. So after taking the can, I went and dumped the rest of the contents in the sink, totally unable to enjoy drinking the rest of it, because he HAD to open his goddamn mouth.

But the absolute WORST thing that he could have done to me...he did last Saturday afternoon. He had gotten back from cashing my SSI check at the bank (one of the few reasons why I don't want him to die yet: he's the only one who can cash it) and handed me the envelope. Well, he then started to go on about the expenses he'd already withdrawn and written on the envelope, but I happened to be talking with my brother about a World of Warcraft issue. And you know what my father chose to do to get my attention?!

He wiggled his index finger in the webbing between my thumb and index finger on my left hand! After getting my attention, he told me that I wasn't listening to him, so I tried to lie and say I had; I was just preoccupied with a question asked to me at a bad time, to which he said 'Then you *weren't* paying attention'. DAMN HIM!

But even worse then the fact that he called me out on lying to him about paying attention...the hand that he wiggled his finger around in....WAS MY MASTURBATING HAND!! I seriously don't think I'll EVER be able to touch myself 'down there' with that hand again, without thinking that's his touch on my genital region. The reason WHY I do it with my left hand is because I shake hands with my right, and I have a weird hang-up about knowing that other people's hand-touch would be on my penis.

So getting back to my main point, if it wasn't for my needy kid brother begging me to come back every 5 days or so, for 2-3 days at a time, I'd seriously NEVER VISIT MY HOME AGAIN! This is driving me batty, having to still put up with my father's subservient orders to me about things I already know to do!

Thank you Dad, for forever altering the way I masturbate, for the rest of my life. Thank you so f***ing much.

Usagi1992

I......sense I've gone TOO far this time. I must've crossed the Moral Event Horizon if not one single person has responded to this in the last 2 weeks, because they're so disgusted with how petty and selfish I can be to my father. I have officially become a complete monster, and thus, do not deserve to be responded to again in future rants about my male parental figure.

Usagi1992

Oh no, you're perfectly fine! honestly. I have just been dealing with my own little nervous breakdown here.

Plus I have that little puppy that's THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. And he goes to the bathroom all over, so I'm kinda busy with him.

I've said so much horrible stuff it's not funny. It's really OK to say what you did, and to feel like you do etc. Listen, you are just getting your anger out by posting and that's MUCH MORE constructive than sitting on a water tower with a sniper rifle If somebody is offended by what you wrote, that is THEIR problem, not yours.

Really, you're just fine. PM me if you want to talk or anything.

You're not a complete (or even partial) monster. I read it. So you got mad, so what? So you had bad feelings and acknowledged them. NOTHING is wrong with that. SOCIETY says 'bad feelings" are wrong whether acted on or not, not me nor a lot of people.

Nothing at all wrong with you. Venting is a good thing. A lot of people vent in journals they keep and nobody sees, but I'm not sure thats as helpful as venting on a forum so you get feedback. You would probably be REALLY SURPRISED at the number of old dog eared notebooks shoved in the back of bedside table drawers that say the same things you do and more, and in the homes of people you would NEVER EXPECT either. It's perfectly fine to have those feelings, perfectly acceptable to vent about them in a situation where you feel comfortable. The only thing that isn't acceptable is to hire a hit man

PaganMom