Celebrating 30 tomorrow

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This isn't really a 'haven' topic in the sense of a vulnerable moment but, its been time for a lot of contemplation - all the way up through the past year.

At 20 or 21, I was really dead set on repealing everything that had been wrong with my life up to that point, I knew I housed a - there's no better way to say it - genetic immaturity, that no matter how much I tried to keep my mind on the up and up, even grind myself into being the adult that I wanted to be, my natural emotions, physiology, and states just wouldn't follow. Like a lot of people at that age, I really thought that if I really pushed myself as hard as I could - anything could happen. Well, my mid to late 20's were a life lesson just on how real limits are and of course, not only is it quite often taking a tantrum out on an elastic wall (willpower vs. genes - genes ultimately rescend where willpower leaves their domain too much), and a person only has so much energy.

Right now though, I'm at kind of a funky point. Yes, its just a number, but psychologically its a move away from youth to an adult state and requirements because you realize that the break-in period is pretty much over. As of right now yes, I have a decent job, have had it three years, though I have some real trepidation over how long it will last just based on the economy and I think of the fun that I'll have trying to find another job that fits me in a stable sense. Also, while I am doing the smart thing and saving up money by living with my parents (moved back in December 2008, wanted to at least either have a good down payment for a house or a buffer fund for if I had an apartment and ended up unemployed), I know at this point - even though they're great people and its nothing but positive from that end - I can't be here much past Spring. As much as I tell myself that I don't care what people think, it may be digging at me for other reasons as well - I guess I can't help but admit that I'm thinking the same thing from time to time.

Luckily though I do have things that I'm dedicated to doing for myself - both physically and psychologically, though I'll admit that even right now I'm a bit too far behind to join the dating world; with some people it could work, as for being a man of 30 in the NT sense though, I'm definitely dragging, perhaps not in content of thought or objectivity but definitely in form. I really have to cross my fingers and hope for the best in the future but, I have to admit as well that right now my life is definitely not where I want it to be. I'm quite glad that time travel is an impossibility because, if at 20 or 21 I saw how much of a sub-mediocre mess this has turned out to be; 30, still very single, living with parents, salary of middle class board, I might not be here today to have this conversation.

Weird stuff eh... well, I guess the point now is to just invest as much hope and dedication as I can toward the future and making sure that I make good on the goals I'm setting right now. I'm trying not to let them get unweildly or unrealistic. Anway, that's just my two bits on hitting what a lot of people call the most traumatic landmark year of life - I kind of think 26 was actually worse on some levels but, seeing the hour glass a little more vividly even still keeps this ever so slightly in league with that.

Well, if anyone wants to do a birthday shot with me tomorrow give me a shout - regardless of whether its long distance its still the thought that counts

Hey, congratulations on turning 30! *attempts to shove whiskey through screen*

Good thinking. My friends will be taking me downtown tomorrow night, I should definitely aim for a shot of Blue Label sometime in the course of the night.

Happy b-day tech!

You may be pleasantly surprised with your 30's. I've seen people say a few times that some people on the spectrum have the emotional maturity of someone 2/3 their real age. There may not be any fact to it, but it sure seems like it was accurate for me. Until my late 20's is think I had the emotional maturity of a teenager. This doesn't mean I acted like one (well, except for the obsessive gaming, pot, and music ). Nut I do think I reacted internally the same way a someone much younger would. I feel like some of that has gotten better of the past few years. So grats, on not being a teenager emotional anymore if this applies to you too.

You sound like you are approaching things safely. You are thinking out your plans carefully. You may have to take a few leaps of faith or put yourself in some situations that may not feel as safe as you would like. But, it sounds like you are gonna do fine.

I just partook in a lil something in your honor for your birthday. Sorry, not big on shots.

Good luck with your 30's. You just might really like em.

That sounds about right. Its much less a mental maturity issue than the fact that my core state still controls cadence and I think that part of me is still somewhere around 22 or 23. It seems like the biggest challenge is not divorcing myself from the reality of that situation, expecting myself to function like I'm 35, and wondering why it doesn't work. I can be a bit headstrong for my own good sometimes.


Yeah, I really have nothing to complain about either. I'm really glad of one thing at least, a lot of my rampant idealism of who I 'should' be over and beyond what's realistic fell by the wayside in my mid 20's.


Hey, respect . You came through all the same. Salude!