I feel alone

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I had a bad day today. I know that I can go to bed, and there is a really good chance that tomarrow will be better. But it's still today, and I am not a happy camper.

I've had the full range of emotions today. I just feel like there is no one who can relate to me. How I feel, the way my brain works. I feel like my hunny and I are moving further and further apart.

It's like grief, I think. I'm not too sure. I don't know exactly why I feel this way, or if I do. I feel like a little girl today, not a grwon up, not a mom.
Today, I do not want more children, or to marry my hunny. Today, I feel as though I cannot do anything right, like I'm a waste of human skin.

I've heard all about how Aspies are highly intelligent, and/or they have some special talent. I feel like the only dumb talentless one. Meltdowns daily now. I cant seem to stop myself when it's happening. And if anyone saw, or heard, the shame is enough to suffacate me.

I feel completly useless. I know that all of these negitive feelings will pass. I also know they will come back.
I cant trust what my head tells me, or my heart. I cant trust people.

I doubt this is even making sense. I'm sorry

We all have our up and down days. At least when things get better you can appreciate them more, because you know how difficult the bad days are. I feel pretty worthless myself sometimes, actually it's more like most of the time. I know how it feels.

The special talent thing is a sterotype. You know that this negitive emotional state will pass.


A thing that may help you next time: during a more positive emotional state, write positive things about yourself, your life and experience (if you have difficulty work with your hunny on this and explain why you're doing this). When you feel like the negitive stage returning, copy all the positive things onto sticky notes and place them on or near places you may look at a lot, make yourself read them when you see them.

Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot to me. It is good to know that someone else out there feels similar to me. Today is going to be especially hard for me. Over the last couple of weeks I have developed a sleeping problem. About every other night I get a whole night of sleep. The rest of the time, I don't really sleep. Sometimes I get as much as 2 hours, and sometimes none at all. Last night was a 2 hour sleep night. I have to drive my daughter to school today, and I have to work today.
Anyone else have the sleep issue?
Thanks again.