should i tell my cousin i think he has AS?

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i recently received my AS diagnosis and upon reading up on it i realized that one of my cousins is a textbook case. my parents and my sister and i know my cousin well and we have all agreed that he most definitely has AS. i was thinking about having a cup of coffee with him and telling him about my diagnosis, giving him a list of the symptoms, and then pointing out the similarities we have.

my parents say not to do this because he could get really pissed off at being 'accused' of having AS. but i have been watching his AS ruin his career and life and i can't stand to watch any longer. quite frankly i don't care if he resents me for telling him - if that's what it takes to introduce this topic to him and get him thinking about it, then so be it.

comments?

I say to tell him/her but be careful how you tell him/her. He/She'll probably get really defensive if you just say "I think you have..." So I'd just tell him/her about your diagnosis, show him/her books & stuff & say "it really reminds me of you b/c of..." rather than "you have AS". If you can throw in something like, "look on the bright side, if you have/had this you (use your own choice depending on what he/she's like) would be the ultimate..." (shoe scent detector, organizer, etc.)

Response in PM (check your Inbox).

Just ask him if he knows what AS is and if he's ever heard of it.

thanks a lot for the replies. ironically, i posed this exact same question on another site and everybody was completely against me telling him! (they won't let new members post urls for fear of spamming but if you still want to take a look i can tell you that the site was called psychforums and my username is the same as the one i use on this site) crazy! i honestly think most of their arguments against telling him were quite flimsy but let me know if you think any of them are valid...

Last edited by czczcz on 27 Nov 2009, 8:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Why would you?

Agreed--in a private setting, and introduce the topic as though you want to talk about it for *your* sake, not his.

If he seems completely uninterested (and he might if he's an Aspie), then I think you'll just have to let it go, especially if he's the type who blames his problems on everything and everyone but himself (see Attwood).

Best of luck to you.

i'm a little confused by this question. he's my cousin...

Still Why?
Thinking someone has Asperger's doesnt mean that person has it. It may cause issues between you two, espicially if he doesnt, finally are youi sure you dont want to just to have someone close you can relate to? Be sure is for your cosins best interest, not yours

Hi Czczcz, I have done this with one of my cousins. After my diagnosis, I began exploring my family and discovering the autistic traits in it. Then I realized---my cousin!! ! He is ten years older than me. I discussed this with my mother (it's her side of the family) about telling him. She said, "Go for it, but be careful." One evening I got up the nerve to approach him with it on the phone (he lives two hours away and we rarely see each other). Here is how I did it and what he said:

1. I told him I had been recently diagnosed with Asperger's.

2. I explained that Asperger's was a form of high functioning autism that was often noted for great accomplishments due to special intense interests (I wanted to show Asperger's for its positives---although I did state its social challenges and sensory issues and literal thinking and...---but I stressed the positives).

3. Then I began bumbling around on the phone---then I said something like, "Since Asperger's is a form of autism, and autism is considered by many experts to be genetic, I have been searching for the gene in our family...and since we are descended from Thomas Jefferson, it is interesting that he is considered to have had Asperger's...well...you remind me a lot of him in how you were always building things and stuff...have you ever considered you might have Asperger's?"

4. Then there was a little silence. He said, "I never thought about it, but my wife has worked with children who have Asperger's...and funny you mention this because there are certain things that I guess I can see." Then he went on to discuss Asperger's traits in his mother, grandmother, and uncle.

5. Before finishing the talk with him, he said he would mention it to his wife and get back with me on it. He never got back with me on it.

I am glad I discussed this with him. In our conversation I think I sensed that he was uncomfortable with the conversation. But since I misread people, he may have been fine with it. I have other cousins who have these traits as well, but I have not approached them yet. The one cousin I most want to approach is the sister of a deceased cousin of mine who spent his life in a psychiatric hospital for what I feel would today be diagnosed as autism. Back in those days they just called it "crazy." I want to talk to her about him, but this would be a bit more tedious since she and her parents more or less wrote him out of their life.

I voted that you should discuss this with your cousin---but use caution. Good luck.

The first person in my family to whom I broached the subject of AS (while I was still exploring it myself) was my nephew, who if not AS, is at least BAP.

His response to me was, "Have you started buying your underwear at K-mart?"

He is now blaming his dad (my brother) for everything wrong in his life. Worst of all, there is nothing really wrong in his life, except that he has unrealistic ideals of his past, present and future.

He now has a GF, and I fear that will end in disaster.

All I can do is be available should he want to talk to me.

admittedly i don't know all there is to know about the autistic spectrum but this is pretty cut and dry. and if he doesn't have AS he definitely has something so he should still be tested. moreover, after my diagnosis my whole family read up on AS. my parents, my sister and i have all independently come to the same conclusion - that he is a textbook case of AS. the way i see it somebody needs to tell him and it might as well be me since i can sort of relate to him (though he has it to a much more extreme degree).

this is definitely for my cousin's sake and not mine. honestly i am dreading having this conversation but i think i would be the best person to do it. my cousin has been fired from every job he's ever had due to his poor interactions with his supervisors. he just found another job and already hates it. the worst part is that he has huge potential; he's a harvard alum, speaks four or five different languages, and is absolutely brilliant - possibly the most intelligent person i have ever met. as such he has held jobs at prominent banks and mutual funds, but can never hold on to them. i think it would definitely be to his advantage to be diagnosed.

Tell him. It would be cruel not to. If he denies it that's his choice but it's better to know than not to know. And if it can help him (like your cousin could learn about it and use AS to his advantage) then definately. I also reckon you should tell your ex as you mentioned in your post on psych. She deserves to know too.

I think that you tell him to read up on it. After he does his research, than ask him if he think he has it.