My Saturday Meltdown

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As you all know, I've had a very big meltdown here, on Saturday. My mum bakes chocolate chip cookies for me, and than she had the nerve to turn around and make snide, NT comments about my weight. She commented that I've appeared to gain weight, since she bought her bathroom scale. She told me that I'd better slow down, becuase I could get diabetes. She also asked what happened to all my plans, not to eat Junkfood and all that s**t. I don't have any bloody Junkfood in my bloody place, and I've gained that weight, going out to eat with my friends, and due to two months of depression, starting sometme in January. My mum is such a typical NT woman. And they say that us Aspies lack empathy. That's stupid.

Tat sucks man! My mom is like that too, maybe the're in the same club! I know what you mean about empathy, some of the things people have says to me are so rude and annoying. I'm really starting to not believe in this empathy stuff. So many NTs that I met are way less empathetic than we are!

I completely agree! NT women are the worst at malicious digs, thank God my mom's AS! She's tough to deal with sometimes, but I've never heard a catty, bitchy word come out of her mouth. I guess it comes from their own insecurities and misguided feelings of powerlessness, so they feel they must "help" their daughters, sisters, friends, etc. with "constructive advice" about superficial things like weight and appearance. Ugh, I feel for you! I hope you pointed out to her how illogical it was for her to bake you cookies and then refer to your weight. Don't cause any trouble for yourself, but maybe if you start point out such inconsistencies in her thinking, she may hesitate to keep doing such things. Good luck!

Baking someone cookies and making comments about their weight is totally illogical, don't you think?

I am going to bake you cookies to make ME feel that I am going to make you feel better and then I feel guilty about reinforcing (eating as comfort ),so relieve MYSELF of this guilty feeling by reminding you that cookies are bad for you....sounds very logical to me......for someone who wants to have their cake and eat it also....(by the way cake is bad for you to)

The good news.....your mom is doing these things to try and help you.
The bad news.....Your mom is doing something completly illogical to make herself feel better.
More bad news....Socializing seems to focus on either "drinking" or "eating" together,exceptable NT "stimming".Ight help to find a way to socialize by doing some thing physical....walking in the woods is awesome.

My entire family is diabetic or borderline because of weight gain.It's very genetic,if it runs in your family,please take it seriously.

I hate that for you... I think the person is a passive agressive - you know they do something to bend you out of shape then it becomes YOUR fault! I can't sympathize with you enough, having been there myself. Any advice I could offer would only be inflammitory.. so I'll keep schtum!

I would've felt like saying "Well I'm only gaining weight because I'm a bit depressed, and you're NOT helping!!" and would feel like squeezing in "In fact I think your the main reason I'm down in the first place, so shut up and I'll be the daughter you've always wanted!" (should really say son you've always wanted, I'm a guy you know)

I was going to starve myself to death, and than my mum was going to feel guilty after I was to die of anorexia. I don't want to do that, any more. I feel much happier, than I did on Saturday morning. Some NT females just dont seem to have any logic.

Some NT's just don't seem to relate or care. That's OUR job!!

Mom's are illogical. Criticism and what joy they remember giving, all heaped in one loving brew of hatred.

You're out on your own now, this has a whole new meaning...it's not as much an NT thing as it is a "mom" thing. Yes it's illogical, yes it will make you insane. Truth is, if you had lost weight she would be nagging that you aren't eating properly. My mom did similar stuff and she's not NT. lol

Now come to the realization that you're not going to do anything "right" for at least 2 years or more...you won't clean things "the right way", you won't dress "the right way" and your not going to eat the "right way"...if you had a child.... trust me you wouldn't be doing that right either...so try not to get too upset about it, although I know it can push you to the edge.

Mom is home thinking about her daughter who is now "all alone" and baking "comfort" food to take her... and then she's trying to pack in weeks worth of nagging into weekend visits. Tell mom you love her, try to develop selective hearing...then give yourself a big hug...because you're doing just fine.

my mom does that kind of stuff sometimes too cept the other way around. growing up, if i said i was cold in the house; she'd tell me to go eat a twinkie or something else fattening... but i think my mom does it cause she's insecure about her own weight.

think that might be your mum's case? like, is she over weight at all too... and possibly taking out her personal stress on you.

at anyrate, you should tell her that it hurts to hear that from your own mom.

i'm finding that i like the approach of treating people like children when they upset me... talk very directly about what they're doing wrong and how it makes you feel... think that approach does good for NT and/or aspie

I fully agree. This has much less to do with being NT than being NuTty in a malicious, underhanded and sly manner, i.e. passive aggressive. I also have a similar memory:

When I was huge (100 kg = 220 lb) even for my height (175 cm / 5"9') still a half a year after our Younger Daughter had been born, I joined Weight-Watchers. My mother-in-low (MIL) had been in the habit of visiting me and the kids at least once a week during day-time, sometimes staying until hubby came home, and mostly that was OK with me. However, she had sometimes brought sweet pastries, chocolates, candy or something else calorie rich, so I told her (on the phone - she also called fairly often) about joining WW and that I really needed to loose weight, seeing as I had had gestational diabetes and several people in my mother's family have diabetes (type 2). She listened nicely to all of this.

Next time she came to visit, less than a week later, I was sitting amongst the back yard bushes for cool, and Big Sister (almost 3 years then) very importantly went to open the front door when the doorbell rang. Next thing I know, Big Sister is carrying a "present from grandma" to me - a bag containing six enormous sugar donuts, which were literally dripping of both fat and sugar. SIX! Big ones! Together they must have weighed more than half a kilo (over a pound) - Big Sister has always been strong and muscular, but she really had to work hard to manage the load.

I thanked Big Sister for her carrying effort and said: "Please give this bag back to grandma, I cannot eat this". She looked a bit confused but obeyed, and MIL had to take her "gift" back. i was seething inside, but as far as I can remember, I managed to stay calm enough.

Afterwards I explained to Big Sister that grandma had made a mistake, and it is OK to give back a gift if it really is unsuitable, but we have to do so kindly. I also stressed that she herself had done nothing wrong.

It never ceases to amaze me to what lengths some people are prepared to go to sabotage others' goals. I think fixing one's own life so that one could be happy with it, instead, would be a much more logical strategy.

BTW: the main reason I suspect I have aspie traits is that I so often am surprised when people do not behave in a manner that I could find logical

- Athena

And say we say inappropriate things and are brutally honest? That sounded very aspie of her.