I have to kill myself soon.

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I am going to fail at life if I don't. I'm not going to be accepted at any colleges, I won't get a job as a computer programmer, and I will spend the rest of my life pushing carts and living with my parents. I would rather die than live with that. I have no purpose in life, other than to be everyone else's bit¢h. I'm sick of all of this, and I just want to end it. I just don't know when to do it.

First stop, what you are suggesting is a lasting and poor solution to what is likely to be a passing problem.

Maybe if you can not get into university to do computer programing you can find something else which you are suited to.

Never!! !! How about setting a goal? Get a job SAVE money pay for part of College/get a student loan and start towards your GOAL of Computer Programming. BTW I find it an interesting fact that alot of people jump off the Golden Gate Bridge to there death LOL! I love small facts like that.

Dude, if you're dead you are guaranteed to never succeed.

If you are alive you might.
No guarantee you will, but there is always the possibility.

But if you're dead it's a sure thing you never will have the chance to succeed.

Yet, again, if you're dead you are guaranteed to never succeed.

You sure you want to cut yourself off from ever having the possibility of success?

Kind of want to but kind of don't want to say sorry if I sound harsh here.

Nevertheless, it has hard cold reality that success is difficult to achieve alive - takes a lot of the "blood, sweat, and tears" kinds of things.

That's just the way the universe works.
Grit your teeth and just will yourself through the hard times.
Sometimes sheer brute force the will to continue is all that gets you from one minute to the next.
Having decided you are going to have that will is all that holds you over until there is a chance for some kind of success somewhere.

And then you grab a hold of that chance and run with it.

Might come next week.

Might come when you are 35.

One mark of success is holding on till the chance comes into sight.

You might have to redefine and redirect what "success" is.
I sure as hell did.
Wasn't easy.
REALLY was not easy.

But I did not fail.
I succeeded at it.

It may sound silly to you, or others, but I've actually decided a couple times against doing suicide because I'll never finish my model railroad if I'm dead.

And my health is bad, making me rather slow at it, so it's going to take a looooooooooooong time to finish.

The thing is I can't live with myself if I'm a failure. I need people to know that I took my life into my own hands, and if that means killing myself, then so be it. It's the only way.

Something about the vibes of this OP are saying to me that mollycoddling is the wrong way to go.

You are only 20. There is plenty of time to succeed.

Then don't be a failure - decide to live to give yourself the chance to succeed.
That in and of itself is success.


Decide to succeed and they will know you took your success into your own hands.


Bulls**t.

Stand up, grow some balls, and be a man.
Decide you are going to deal with it until you can define success at the level at which you can achieve success.

I'm 46 and that's what I had to do.

You are thinking waaay too far into the future.

Last time I heard, fortune telling was a bunch of bullsh*t.

I'm very sorry you are feeling so hopeless. I've felt similarly, and it sucks.

You need to think in the short term AND you may need a "backup plan". If you don't get accepted to your preferred colleges, then you will have to try elsewhere. It's rather improbable to think that you will not be accepted into ANY colleges. An education is far better than no education and you can do nothing when you're dead....what good is that?

I think southwestforest also has very good advice.

Gee, hope you feel better soon. You don't have to kill yourself, when it comes to a "got killed where and how" world.

Why not? grades? Bias? Computer programming is a good choice, regardless. You learn usefull things there, for sure.



I probably will to. 20 is the age to start at the bottum, and go up from. Christmas is too close, by the way. As for purpose, our species doesn't have much of one anyway. Most people want to feel it's financial for some strange reason.

Oh, and I have some traits of what you consider a human failure. Of course I have a trait or two about what just about everyone considers 'humanity FAIL'. Oh well?

15 seconds as filler on the news and then passed by and forgotten for more recent news till the end of time.

Worth it to be passed by and forgotten

If your life doesn't have meaning, it's because you haven't given it one. Nobody comes into this life with a meaning carved into their heart... somewhere along the way we all define our own, whether we know it or not. AND it changes as we grow.

We are meant to outgrow ourselves, so what was good a month ago doesn't work today. Time to re-create yourself. Life is a process, not a fixed deal.

Like other posters have said... success is all in how you define it. Maybe you need to find a kinder definition of success, one more in keeping with what can be done at the moment, less by what you see/read/hear in the media. Maybe you will end up pushing carts and living with your folks your whole life... and growing a beautiful flower garden for others to enjoy, or help out at the local soup kitchen, or visit the elderly in nursing homes or cuddle drug-addicted newborns, keeping the books for a non-profit...

find success in caring for the world around you... there's so many opportunities, so many different ways to express your life and it's so deeply needed.

Theme song to movie and TV show M*A*S*H is "Suicide is Painless".

Well, ya know what, it's not.

Ask people who know a person who has suicided.



Besides, there is no way for the body to give up it's life without pain.

And if suicide goes wrong you could be in bed in a nursing home for the next 30 years.

In younger days I worked in a nursing home where there was a fellow who survived, sort of, a suicide attempt.

Wasn't pretty cleaning the bed after he soiled himself.

1) College isn't everything. You can succeed with out ever having gone to college, many very wealthy famous people have.
2) Even if you feel hopeless now, there is always a chance things will change. There is alway something you can do to change them.
3) Rather than killing your physical self, find another road. Make your old "self" dead, stop talking with and or communicating with people from your current life. Kill any habits of body or mind that you know have which are holding you back. Decide upon a new life, pursue it, and make new friends. In short, reinvent yourself
4) Family isn't everything. If they are there for you and support you, great! If they make you wan to kill yourself just walk away from them.
5) compare yourself to a migrant worker or illegal immegrant! You (I think) know the language and have papers. You can always start at the bottom and work your way up.
6) You do have a purpose in life. Do you really want to die before you find out what it is?

I read somewhere a while ago (and I think I've even heard this repeated on a television show recently), that in psyche eval interviews with people who attempted suicide by jumping off bridges and such and survived, nearly every one of them said that in the few seconds immediately after they became airborne and knew they were about to die, they suddenly realized that all the things that had led them to jump were temporary and solvable - but it was too late to go back.

How whimsical that in such a moment one realizes that irony and gravity have something in common - they both suck.

Lord of the monkeys, hold on and keep posting here. I am in a bad situation too but I have to trust that bad situations do not last forever.

"One persons success is another persons failer"
If we all took your viewpoint, we would all be failures, because their is always someone better!
So should we all commit suicide or do we all fight to become the best we as individuals can be.

Success = doing YOUR best, its relative.

Even failures can be positive, we all learn by our failures, so if we're not prepared to fail then we will never learn by are mistakes.

"We need failures to make the success sweeter"

Suicide is the only terminal failure!

Now there's an idea