Just waiting for my life to end now...

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Okay, first off, let me be clear: I am not suicidal in any sense of the word. I have no intention to "take things into my own hands", nor to inflict any harm upon myself.

Anyway, the point of this thread is that I feel as though I have no purpose in life. There's nobody out there that truly appreciates me for who I am, and with my luck there probably never will be. If I were to die tomorrow, nobody would care, and a great deal of people that I know probably wouldn't even know of that happening for a while after the fact.

I need a reason to exist. Otherwise I'm just leeching off my parents, the world, and anybody else in my life. All that I ever get from people in this day and age is apathy...

Some people that I've mentioned my physical status to have recommended exercise. But to be honest, the only effect being fit will have is to prolong this meaningless existence. At least if I died of diabetes at the age of 47, I would be less of a burden on the world than if I lived to be 100.

Well, realistically Toad, that's all any of us are ever doing. Waiting for the end of the ride.

But I completely understand what you're saying. Lately I've been feeling exactly that way myself - adrift with no purpose, just marking time until the sand runs out of the hourglass. It's a dull, empty ache.

However, at my age, its not an unfamiliar one. I've been in similar states before and just when I think I'm ready to 'take things into my own hands' as you say, the cycle swings up, something comes into my life that renews my sense of purpose and for a while, I feel positive about myself and my lot in life again.

For a while.

All of life is a series of cycles. Comedian Bill Hicks loved the analogy of a roller coaster that goes up and down and around and around and is very bright and colorful and exciting, sometimes thrilling, sometimes sickening, but at the end of it all...its just a ride.

Same here. It comes and goes.
For me, it doesn't go away until I find a way make it go.
The trick is to go out and help someone. Even if he doesn't appreciate it.
Or help someone here on WP. It counts, even if you are the only one in the world who knows.

You're definitely not alone. Btw you might be suffering from depression even if you are not suicidal. Have you ever tried to seek treatment?

I went on a very low dose of prozac once (we're talking 5 mg) in my junior year of high school (and a little of my senior year) and it helped me control my impulsive behavior that was prevalent as a child, but didn't make me feel that much better. After about a year, I went off of it, and I was able to retain mental control, so I didn't think much about going back on...

I've been there before. I know how you feel. I hope things improve for you.