sense of marriage connection has withered and died

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Having had to live apart for a year and a month now since I just can't handle the stress of even living with my wife, my sense of marriage connection has withered and died.

She's just somebody I know.

And with her health what it is we've only been able to have sex four or five times this year.
Last year was about the same.
I'm really starved and empty there. A gigantic emptiness. We've been married 5 years and I was a virgin till 40. There's a whole hell of a lot of years of hunger to fill.

You know how it is with evangelical Christians, "Keep yourself pure for marriage and God will reward your faithfulness." Okay, being one of them I totally bought into that.
Oddly, I don't see where there's been any "reward" - is there something I'm not seeing?

Been wondering if can't live together why be married? What's the point?

Might it somehow be possible there is someone out there where it will work to live with them?
There is brewing a desire to begin looking.
There is also a hell of a lot of insecurity - what do I have to offer : am now on 100% Disability for Bipolar, Asperger's, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, and Neuropathy.

What desirable things and qualities do I possess to offer to share with someone?
Who of any desirability would ever want me anyway?

What I have is hollow and unfulfillable.
What is desired is known; but, is it realistically obtainable?

Yeah, there's some disappointment, anger, and resentment, there.

But, hey, magical miracles would be acceptable.
Anything is possible.
And some of it is probable.

okay, now, how does what my signature quote is get applied to the above?

Been in the same boat for the past year or so (well, much longer than that, really), and this is the part that's the worst for me. I'd actually like to work part-time, just to feel I have some purpose for continuing to breathe, and the very agencies that should be helping me accomplish that are literally blocking me from doing so.

So I spend every day watching the shadows crawl across the walls until the sun goes down and its time to drink myself to sleep again. Wake up every morning thinking "Aah crap, here we go again." I'm no masochist, but I sure wish whatever power put me on this Hellhole of a planet would take me off it. Soon.

I've given up waiting for miracles.


But I hope you get yours.

You may have already considered this possibility, but these things in combination sound like rather common symptoms of ( non-celiac ) gluten-intolerance; they're things which many people with gluten-sensitivity experience increasingly with age, if they eat gluten.

See The Gluten File for more info, at: http://jccglutenfree.googlepages.com/

I have discovered that a gf diet completely eliminates manic-depression, and significantly alleviates anxiety and chronic depression, ( though it helps to cut out sugar too ), aswell as fatigue, brain-fog, etc.

.

The only practical suggestion I have is to echo ouinon in saying that cutting out gluten (bread) and casein (milk) from your diet would probably be a good idea. I have done that recently and have began to feel a lot more alert and alive.

I used to have oats and milk for breakfast and spent the whole morning yawning and trying to wake up. Now I eat a few pieces of fruit for breakfast and feel a lot better.

I can also suggest that regularly eating onions (which are in most soups and loads of recipes so easy to eat often) fights infections and garlic does the same. Since eating both every day in homemade soups I've had a lot less colds and coughs.

I don't understand why you and your wife aren't living together. Was it a decision you both came to, thinking it would improve your relationship or was it something that wasn't chosen?

How does your wife feel about all of this?

A mix of the two.
Too many meltdowns too frequently.
And it has now developed that I have to stay away from television as the sound and lights cause me problems. And any kind of violence at all.

She's a big TV crime show watcher and there's no place in a 2 bedroom apartment to get away from the sound, and wearing headphones is said to set off migraines. (have known her for 13 years and just pulling her hair up for a ponytail will do that) And it's known that frequent long term headphone usage helps breed ear infections too and I have them often enough already.

And I can't deal with the noise and commotion when the 3 grade school and preschool aged grandkids come over.


Rather bummed out. She's missing having her husband within sight at home. And available to help with things. And to snuggle up with every night.

We do get together frequently - not every day though. Do spend some nights over there. I bring my cat over to play with hers when doing that.

Picking up her and her laundry tomorrow for a laundromat "date" both doing our laundry.

On days we stay home we do call each other several times.
Actually, that serves to reinforce the distance - can't just step into the other room to talk to my wife - have to call her on the phone.

Hey Y'all;

Milk has been gone for 2 decades on account of lactose intolerance. Have been reading about gluten free and it sounds like a good idea.
When this loaf of bread is gone not buying another.

There are hereditary neurological problems in Dad's side of the family.
His mother, him, his younger sister, and now me. Yea.

This is actually a good place to start. When I was single, I found that making a list of all that I wanted in a relationship helped narrow down what I really, truly found important. And then, even more important, I made a list of all that I had to bring to a relationship.

At first, it was hard. I couldn't think of anything! Then, I realized that since I'd been sexually abstinent for so long, that I had a disease free body to bring to the relationship. Then, I remembered that I'm a pretty good cook. Then, the fact that I was honest, and loyal. The list grew, and I began to feel really good about myself.

I am now in a relationship, and I also happen to have Chronic Fatigue, an Autoimmune disorder, as well as being on the spectrum.

Is there any way that you two could get flats/apartments which are next door to each other, or across the hall? That way you would each have your own space, but still be very close - almost like having a really big place to share.

I suspect nothing significant would really be all that different, and I say that after realizing her great value and re-marrying my second wife.

We wanted to do that.
Or even get a duplex was an idea.
But neither of us had enough money to make a down payment and get utility hookups.
My Dad paid for me to move.

At the time there were no other apartments available in that building.

But, one thing causing part of my trouble was the building, a really cool remodeled shoe factory built in 1914, with 10 foot ceilings and 7 foot tall windows, within sight of the river, vibrated from all the live loads and in feeling that I never could let down and relax.
Traffic noise was not really muffled by the new windows and that also added to not being able to let down and relax.

A good point was that an old RR depot, a caboose, and a trail on the old RR right of way was literally across the lawn and an old brick street.
Wife and I both do model trains so that was kind of cool.
Also, even though there aren't that many on our river, from the parking lot the occasional towboat could be seen going along.

What I was able to get is 2.5 miles away on other side of our small town. Are smaller buildings with only 4 apartments each, 7 years old, and made of wood.
Nice looking little buildings, actually.
Drawback is they're on a hill with nothing between my building on north end of complex and the north wind, bad feng shui, but oh well, the place is working out okay enough.
Benefit is this place is within less than 10 minute walk from:
in one direction,grocery store, dentist, eye doctor, Walmart.
in other direction hospital and Doctor's office.
(you know you're in the country when you see cow pasture from the ER and from office waiting room!)

Also, Psychologist we each see managed to find each of us a cat (wife ended up with 2) for its therapeutic value. And they're all 3 rescue animals. Mine has quite an amazing story to tell after being one morning found probably minutes from death by a mechanic shop along the highway. Our Psychologist breeds horses and another in the office rescues cats and they paid for the veterinarian. And then decided, "There's somebody who needs that cat."
Wow!

Wife also seeps about 16 hours a day, some of it from pain killers, making it sort of like being alone even when we lived together. Which leads me to say, "being married is the next best thing to being single."

Well, Coast to Coast AM radio show is on and I want to go listen.
See ya later

Ya know what, you are right.
And those disease and trust things are really important.

Back in younger days my brother and I would help Mom fix things for entertaining people from Dad's ship - she went to college on cooking scholarship and us kids turned out pretty good cooks too.

My stepson (both wife's kids were out on their own when we married) didn't keep himself pure, also got into drugs, and now he has had a sudden downturn of Hepatitis C and has a not real promising prognosis.
And three young children.
And an untrustworthy wife who's gotten herself chlamydia by messing around the side.
all of you out there who pray, stepson could really use it.

And I'm not a pedophile like wife's first husband turned out to be, so there is that.

Okay, back to the radio show.