Self diagnosed with Neurological Hangnail Syndrome

Post Reply New Topic

Ok, so here’s the deal. When the clinical psychologist said I was “textbook” aspie last year, she didn’t actually change my diagnosis. I guess she may have been afraid of the other shrinks making fun of her for diagnosing Asperger’s after one visit. I thought I had gotten the answer I was looking for and never scheduled another appointment. The label itself really wasn’t important. The big thing was that I had a good reason to cut myself some slack.

My family has always been very supportive of me. I didn’t have to do much at all for them to tell me how proud they were of me. I was never this lenient with myself. Actually I’ve been a downright prick to myself for almost my entire life.

I was considering asking for some accommodations at work a few months back when we moved to a new building with cubicles that give no privacy or shelter from the bright florescent lighting. I asked my other doc (the meds vending machine doc) if my diagnosis had been updated after my appointment with the psychologist…. It had not been!! !

So that put me back in the unknown category. I had another appointment with the clinical psychologist that was mostly a negotiation on how we proceed. I have two more appointments scheduled in the next two weeks to continue the evaluation. The IQ and personality test were done last year. I had some neurological testing done as well that came back clean. Whatever the reason is that I cannot see images in my mind (non verbal working memory deficits) is cellular, not structural, and probably genetic.

So in the absence of a concrete blambel (a label I came place some blame on), I’m officially self diagnosis myself with Neurological Hangnail Syndrome to prevent myself from playing the blame game with myself until the psychologist finishes figuring out how I tick. THAT could take a while.

So... tomorrow should be the day. It will be my 5th appointment with the psychologist. I asked her how much longer she needed before making a confident diagnosis of anything present and she said "by the end of the next appointment". She's made several comments during the last two visits that I think may have been her inferring she thought I did have AS, but I suck with inference. I should have a black and white answer tomorrow.

I'm not in hyper analyzing and researching mode like I was for a long time. Knowing if AS is really the explanation for so much is too important to leave any uncertainty. I read books on AS, Bipolar Disorder, and ADHD. AS seems like the best fit to me. I have enough ADHD symptoms to barely meet the criteria, but I think I fit more AS criteria in comparison. I hope tomorrow brings some closure and not a new path of questions and self analysis. I don't think I can handle reprogramming my life perspective again, especially when my current one finally makes sense.

Please wish me luck in receiving an accurate diagnosis tomorrow even if it's not AS. I would rather it be accurate, than one of my choosing.

Thank you,

j0sh

Good luck.

Hmmm. 240+ views and only one reply.

Thank you for you kind wish TheMinnesotaIceman.

The official diagnosis was made at 2:45pm today. I do have AS. Things still make sense. I have a valid reason why many things were not purelly my fault. I'm proud of how well I've done. The baggage I finally put down that I had carried for so long isn't getting picked back up. I'm done with it now.

/cheers to being ok with being myself

Why was getting a diagnosis so important to you?

I have a "vague" diagnosis as well.

Indeed it is, but why is official diagnosis the required knowledge, whereas self-diagnosis isn't?

Almost every time I told someone I had AS, the first question they had was "are you diagnosed?". I replied with yes until I found out the diagnosis wasn't actually updated or official. Afterward I had to change back to "I think I have AS and am going through assessment".

It just seems like people thought I was wrong or mistaken. I never saw any diagnostic criteria that said "people with a decent paying job can't have AS". But my professional success seemed to make people think there wasn't anything amiss with me or my issues were too minor to even be considered and named. It seemed like it was easier for people to accept someone's diagnosis if the person had good enough social skills to find a mate, get married, and have an autistic child first.

I do well at work because I put allot of effort into it. After work, I return to my small condo to unwind. I don't have a social life really. I'm trying to make some new friends, but it's really hard for me. My small group of friends all moved recently. Even when I had friends that lived close, most of my off work time was spent alone.

So basically I felt like other people (people I was semi friends with at work, family, HR at work if I ever asked for accommodations) wouldn't see my own experiences as real and valid without the backing of a Dr. Was I thrilled that I needed a Dr to sign off on my experiences being valid through the new perspective I have gained? No. Can those people kiss my pail posterior if they still cannot acknowledge things now? Absolutely!