In a rut

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I’m stuck in a bit of a rut right now; I am living an intolerable situation at home. I am living with my dad; my brothers aged 10 and 8, plus a loser of a roommate who has lived with us since 2002. Essentially my dad, this roommate and me are all in government benefits for various reasons. My dad is looking after two young boys by himself and has not had a job since 1997.

I am too much of a nice guy to just pack my bags and move out of home. Because I know my dad and my brothers would be forced out on the street. But if things do not improve by July I may just do that and it is going to break my heart literally. I was going to waiting until my dad’s girlfriend moves in, however I do not think that is ever going to happen.

Mainly because if that occurred he would be kicked off the carer’s pension, which has no requirements for him to look for work onto the unemployment benefit which does and also pays less. Given the time he has been out of the workforce and the lack of jobs for people in his situation in this country, he would have a very difficult if not impossible time looking for work. That would occur for sure if I moved out when his girlfriend moves in.

Either do I just pack my bags as soon as possible and move in with room mates?

On the other hand, do I just accept for the stake of my family, that my fate in life is become the breadwinner of the household in that I would be financially support my dad and my siblings. That would mean I go on at least at home this insane habit of essentially living in my room and essentially sacrifice my own happiness and dreams of living independently, being in a long term romantic relationship and maybe be married in the long run, living in Sydney, travelling the world and doing other things I want in my life.

I know you are going to give me the advice just pack my bags and go, however you have to realise that you would do that if it meant putting your family out on the street?

Is there any way you can prepare something to take care of the boys if you decided to move out? Your father and the roommate are adults and accountable for their own decisions but putting an 8 and 10 year old onto the street is a different matter. I really don't know much about child services and the like, but it seems like if you see this crisis coming in June, it would be better to start preparing now than just take what comes. And I think the kids should be a priority.

I think my sister would be able to look after the 8 and 10 year old. My main problem is I am not one for confrontation, I fear confronting people because I know I just do not have the social skills to win any confrontation with anyone say over 13.
I feel my only realistic option is to wait for the unlikely chance things will improve, which they could especially if my dad and his current girlfriend get around to marrying this woman they want to establish a triad relationship with. But that is another 2 or 3 years away, if that is going to happen.

If it does not I will have to accept my fate of being the breadwinner of the family and be living with my dad, his current girlfriend and my 8 year mentally handicapped brother for the rest of my life. No doubt that my current 10 year old brother and my dad's girlfriend's daugther will move out home in time.

My family situtation is a main reason why I hate lazy people who aren't willing to put in at least a 100% effort to improve their lot in life. Because I hate being a hard working guy having to support my lazy dad and his room mate.

Is your sister willing to help you with confronting your dad? I agree that He is responsible for the situation he is in, and not you. You are also not responsible for fixing it, he is. Sometimes parents will use their children as a pond to manipulate and get what they want. If you move out it will force your dad to grow up and seek help, or really mess up so badly that the authorities will step in on behalf of your siblings. I hope it all works out for you.

I doubt the authorities would take my brothers away, my dad is a good father.

Things have gotten better recently, me and my dad have had a heart to heart talk and he recongises I will be leaving him in a couple of years time and be living my own life. However I feel the way his life is going right now, he would not mind and actually like a son who is his own world and lost in the magic of it all. Such a son would be able with a high paying accounting job provide him, his future wife and their kids with a lifestyle they feel they deserve. However this guy has different plans for his life and my dad will come around to that realisation sooner enough.