I really want to hurt myself right now

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I'm feeling really depressed right now, and I want to get the really sharp glass hidden in my room and hurt myself with it. I don't want to, but I need to feel something other then this damn numb/miserable feeling I have right now. I hate myself, the suicidal thoughts are getting stronger (though I won't act yet) and I feel so ugly. I'm not getting my school work done, my marks are slipping, I don't ever want to move or get out of bed. Two days in the holidays I stayed in bed until suppertime because I just couldn't find any energy/motivation to get out of the bed. I just stared at the wall and hated myself for hours and hours.
I need somebody to talk to, I don't see my therapist enough, and I can't talk to my mom about this. I don't want her to know that I've cut myself, even if it was only once. She knows about the picking and the scratching (though she thinks that's past, it's not anymore), but I really don't want her to know about it.

Please don't do that.
I'm with you here on the web.
Please remember that, there are lots of people concerning about you.

I'm actually going to bed now, even though the thoughts haven't gone away and I'm not tired because I'm scared of getting caught on the web (I'm supposed to be asleep)
I promise I won't hurt myself tonight, I won't promise for the future though.

Please get help ebec, I know you've had this problem for a while.

If you want you can converse with me on chat anytime. I use to have issues similar to yours when it came to self-abuse. It isn't fun and I'm sure you have a whole lot on your plate and it's not an easy issue to discuss with those who don't have this problem as there's not always a rational reason to why we do these things. It would be great if you could get with people recovering from similar experiences.

Hang in there ebec, you've come a long way.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I have been there. I am in recovery from addiction and it helped me to know that I was forcing my brain to release painkillers when I did this kind of behavior. Sometimes it is the only way I would know that I was in pain, wanting to self-harm. Now it is the equivalent of using, for me, which acts as kind of a deterrent, that's just what works to deter me. I really hope that you find the support that you need for the pain that you are in. Hugs.

Another lovely bonus to my already fantastic state of mind is that I've developed a cold. Hopefully I feel better in the morning, I can't miss any more school!
I can barely focus on the screen, so I'm going to get off, I just wanted to update people of my state of mind.

Same as MissC, I can relate to how you're feeling. Been there plenty of times myself. If you need someone to talk to you're welcome to PM me anytime.

Go to a shrink and ask for ABILIFY and WELLBUTRIN!1 You will be so on top of things after that. You will want to do EVERYTHING, and you will. Trust me; it's a miracle. It was a miracle for me and my bf, who was also on them.

Exactly.

Please don't do that. It will get better.

I'm on anti-depressants already, but the effects are starting to fade. I think I need the dosage upped, but I'm scared to ask my mom. I want her to think I'm fine.
Plus, I'm under 18, I don't think I'm allowed to take abilify.

I can't sleep, but I'm otherwise fine. I finished my math summative that has been stressing me out for quite some time, and all I have left to do is my business summative (which is a week long - yay At least it's in class and we're allowed our notes)

What are you on? Do you still feel like cutting yourself? How's your relationship with your mom and whoever you live with?

Cipralex, I'm not sure if I'm on 10 or 20 mg.
I'm still wanting to hurt myself, more then before actually. My therapist is on a 3 week vacation and I'm worried about my mental state of mind right now.

I had a "fun" day on Thursday, in order to make it through the day I had to bite and scratch myself twice so I didn't melt down. Friday was better, and I did nothing today, but I'm still stressed.