No more hope

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How did I end up this way? I've been fighting two years to find a way to make things better and I'm still in the same place as when I started. I'm out here in the dark, isolated, peering in through the window at the rest of the world. I've tried so hard to find a way in. But there isn't one. I've tried not caring that I'm alone, I'm so envious of the people who don't need to be part of the world but I'm not one of them. I've tried drinking the pain away but drinking doesn't make me feel numb anymore. I can't keep living this way. I can't find any way to change it. I can't end my life because of the few people I wold end up hurting. I have no hope left and don't know what to do.

Well drinking is probably not the best thing, let's face it.

Have you tried going to a class? That's always a good way to meet people and get your foot in the door. You can chat to people on here. You can message me anytime you like if you're feeling lonely. I'm usually about on here.

I don't know man, there are no easy answers, but I care that you feel so bad so I wanted to comment. I like your avatar btw. What is it?

Edit: I know what you mean about the drinking. There's nothing worse than trying to chill out with a couple of drinks only to find yourself a sobbing mess.

'Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.' You have to believe in your future even when everything seems hopeless. I don't think I would be able to make friends in a new place either. I just have my 2 friends that I met in high school.

What is your biggest obstacle? Do people just look at you like you're an alien when you try to talk to them, or are you just afraid to talk?

So what's the main problem? That you are alone? Trust me when I say this: The only good places to meet people are at school and at work. That doesn't mean meeting people elsewhere is impossible, I'm just saying don't obsess over not being able to meet people. The majority of my friends can't meet people outside of school and work. In fact, I can't think of one who can. And only one of them has Aspergers. So if that's the problem, don't worry about it. The people you see with lots of friends met someone at school or work, and they got introduced to so and so, and so on and so forth. If that's all the problem is, well, it has nothing to do with Aspergers. My sister was drinking too much, it doesn't help.

Well, it's a bit hard to give much advice, because I don't know your personal circumstances, but I have a few thoughts, which you might find helpful:

1) Do you have professional support? There are some hallmarks in your posts of ongoing depression. Unlike AS, depression is a circumstance that might be responsive to medical help. Having a conversation with your doctor, and investigating options could be a good first step. Not all depression needs pills--a good doctor might be able to refer you to other services that can help; on the other hand, some depressions absolutely require pills, if only for a little while to get the brain chemistry back on track.

2) Do you have a focus for your interests? Work and school can provide a lot of help by giving your life structure. If your work does not stimulate you, then maybe volunteering, taking a course, or finding part-time work in a field of interest can provide that. Again, without knowing your circumstances, it is hard to know what to suggest